I'm Both, Not Just One
by Ewonsama
Summary: Roxas is a bigender, random, crossdressing teen who just so happens to love men with a childish acting side to them. He secretly falls in love with his best friend's boyfriend Axel, but after meeting him in person, he's not too sure about it anymore. Add in Roxas' parents, friends, and bullies, and the rollercoaster like drama just never seems to stops for him.
1. Chapter 1

**This idea came to me while I was taking a shower and it needed to be written. I will still write chapters for mates and mayhem. I have no life so no worries. I want to thank my beta for being the beta for this story. I don't deserve you. Thank you so much ****_Kyariii_**

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It's a perfect cloudy day, not too warm or too cold. The sun's light was blocked out by the puffy cotton candy like light grey mass in the sky. There was even a nice breeze that made the trees' leaves dance with each other in a swaying motion. The crows were cawing to each other while the other birds were chirping and singing their happy little songs. The sound of traffic was in the air. All in all it was a perfect day. Hopefully it won't go to hell until I get to lunch.

My name is Roxas Wolff, and yes my family is Norwegian. Ah anyway, let me tell you about myself really quick. I'm 5'7, and I have spiky blond hair that likes to change from golden to a muster yellow depending on the light in the rooms I'm in. It sucks. I also have bright, yet dark blue eyes, light tan skin that makes me still look somewhat pale... Okay we can just say I'm weird as hell. But what you're about to hear is going to get weirder.

I'm not like most guys. I'm not straight, bisexual, or gay. I'm not really sure what I am. I do know, however, that I'm Bi-gender. If you don't know what that means then I'll tell you with the actual definition.

"Definition: Bigender, bi-gender or bi+gender describes a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behaviour depending on context."

That's me to a T. I knew I was always different because I liked to play dress up. But instead of wearing my father's clothes, I would wear my mom's dresses and make up. They thought it was cute when I was little, but as I got older and started to randomly wear skirts they took me to a psychologist. Let's just say they weren't happy when the psychologist guy helped me understand who I am. But as I was saying, I'm bigender and I cross dress only when I feel more feminine. Otherwise I usually wear skinny jeans, an overly large shirt, or my black hoodie. Hey, I like being comfortable.

Another thing you should know is that I have a weird fetish for guys that act like a child. I can't help it. It's the female side of me. When they act like that I just can't help but think about how cute they are and how I want to hold them UGH!

...sorry.

That's enough of that. I'll never find anyone like that anyway. There is this one guy I sorta like. He's completely perfect. He shouldn't even exist, that's how perfect he is. The guy is at the top of his classes. He has a PERFECT GPA. He's was also in many of the sport teams at my school; he ended up being captain of each team, but he only stayed for the season and never joined again even though he gave each team a winning streak.

He's also rebellious in his own way. If you didn't know that he was smart and athletic then you'd think that he was the school badass; which is sometimes depending on how his day went. If he's having a bad day, he'll skip classes, smoke outside, set trash cans on fire and even bully who ever gets in his way. He always wears black and dark red clothes with either black boots or black converse. He has bright, pure red hair. Not orange or anything like that, which in my opinion, makes no sense to call anyone a red head. And I'm rambling again aren't I? Sorry!

But, oh my god, he has these piercing cat like emerald green eyes with two tear drop tattoos on each of his cheeks. His skin is pale no matter how much he's in the sun; he doesn't tan or burn. He's tall, and skinny with defined muscle tone. And his voice is just, it's hard to explain. Every time I hear it, I groan internally from how it makes me melt. Did I mention he's perfect?

His name is Axel McKay and he is the guy of my current dreams. He also happens to be dating my best friend Xion. But before I get into that, let me say that he has dated plenty of girls. Most of them are my friends. This is how I know I have no shot with him because he only dates women.

Let me name a few examples. Tifa, Yuffie, Aerith, Yuna, Rikku, Lulu, Paine, and Aqua. These girls aren't at my highschool anymore because they graduated. He was a freshman at the time, three years ago, and they were all seniors. I only heard about the rumors about them through the gossip mill when I became a freshman when Axel was a sophomore.

The next few girls are my friends that dated him. The first one was my crush Namine. I'm not going to lie, I hated Axel then. But their relationship only lasted a month, and she said they never went farther than kissing. It was weird because Namine wasn't sad or hurt. She was happier and said that he helped her realize something. That's when my interest in the man first started. I guess something in me just sparked and flared to life and caused feelings to form for him.

The next was about five months later. He and Kairi went out for two weeks, and it didn't even bother Namine in the slightest. Again, just like Namine, Kairi said he helped her realize something, and then the next week she and Sora started going out.

Last year, my own sophomore year, he dated Larxene (after dating other random girls) for about two and half months. She was delighted and even got Namine and Kairi's blessing to date their ex. Larxene always went to me when she wanted to talk about Axel, and as she spoke I realized that I had stopped hating him and started to like him.

It was a sad day though, when they broke up. Unlike my other two friends, Larxene was in tears over it. You see, we were by my locker when the beginning of the end happened. I was putting my books away and was dressed as a guy (thank god!) Larxene was telling me how she planned to get pregnant so Axel would marry her. Unfortunately, Axel came from around the corner and heard her. He looked at her with wide shocked eyes. I was even scared for her because he abruptly spun around and quickly ran away. The next thing I knew, we were in my room; Larxene in my arms as she cried and told me about how he broke up with her.

She's fine now though. No grudge against Axel or anything like that. She's with some guy named Marluxia now and she looks a lot happier.

Now it's the first few months of my junior year and Xion told us that she has been dating Axel since summer break. That's five months and longer than any girl has ever been with Axel in this entire school. We don't know how it happened, but she did say she liked him ever since Kairi started to date him. I'm completely crushed. I don't want to hope that Xion gets dumped by Axel or vice versa; they look so happy together. But, I can't help it. I guess this is what being in love makes you do…

Today during first period, Xion told me that Axel was going to sit at our lunch table for the first time. I was feeling feminine today so I'm wearing a short black skirt, white and black checkered leggings, and my black hoodie. My eyes have black eye liner and I'm wearing a bit of blush to pop my cheeks out. I know that he must have seen me like that this before, but never close up. Fifth period is almost over and when that bell rings there is no way I'll be going to lunch. I'd rather let Seifer bully me in the locker room again.

Oh yeah I forgot to say that, because I'm bigender or well seen as a cross dressing homo, I get bullied. But, I can fight back, so my friends aren't too worried about me.

I sighed to myself, ignoring the teacher who was talking about lord knows what. I was currently staring out the window from the middle row. My chin rested in the palm of my hand as I contemplated what I was going to do at lunch. On one hand, if Axel sits with us, I can stare at him while pretending to stare at Xion; but then again, he might feel disgusted at me like most of the school does.

"Roxas?" My friend Olette, one of the few girls that haven't dated Axel yet, whispered to me.

I turned my attention from the window to the girl that was actually sitting next to said window. "Yeah?" I whispered back trying to seem normal when I was actually having an inner panic attack.

"You alright? You look a little pale." Olette was as sharp as ever. I could never really hide anything from her; besides the fact that I like Axel. I know she was concerned about me, but I didn't want to tell her anything.

"I'm just a little tired. I might skip lunch though. Can you tell the guys I'll be in the nurse's office?" I semi lied to her. She seemed to have bought my answer since she nodded and went back to paying attention to the lesson.

When the bell rang, I took my sweet old time getting up. I wasn't in a hurry to leave after all. I put my stuff away like I actually cared about my binder and text book being damaged. I could feel Olette's green eyes watching me quizzically. I don't know why she was waiting for me, but I had a bad feeling about it. I slipped my messenger bag's strap over my neck so it was on my left shoulder while the bag itself was on my right side, and strolled over to the door with Olette right on my tail.

"Roxas are you sure you're going to skip lunch? Xion really wanted us to 'properly' meet Axel."

I couldn't help but laugh at the way she used air quotes. It's true though, none of us beside Axel's ex-girlfriends have ever really met Axel. But I wasn't ready, and I was really starting to feel sick. "I'll meet him another time. It's not like I'll never see him anyway."

Olette hummed in agreement. I walked her to the cafeteria, gave her a hug, and trotted off to the Nurse's office where the lady, once again, wasn't doing her job. Nope, instead she was hooking up with the janitor in one of the many closets. You don't want to know how I know. But, let's just say that she is never mean to me like she is with the other whiners that come to her office.

I entered the small room, dragged my feet past the desk and into the separate, much smaller room where the beds were. I laid down on my side and curled up in a ball with my face buried in knees. The tears began to start flowing from my sleep deprived eyes. I was right when I said that this perfect day was going to hell. I was in pain. Yesterday, when Xion told us about her new boyfriend, I was in complete denial. But because they have been dating for so long, I knew that she may be the one he stays with. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, but I can't help that sharp jab of envy and jealousy that I feel in my chest every time I pass by them in the hallway. They look so happy together every time I see them. Why… Why can't it just be me in Xion's shoes? Why can't it be me that Axel's hugging and kissing?

I sniffled, trying to keep the snot from leaving my nose. I was trying my best to keep my sobs silent, but a few sobbing sounds escaped from my mouth. My eyes were burning. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing at that point. It was practically useless to even tell myself to think of Xion's happiness; to think of Axel's happiness. It wasn't helping in the slightest.

I must have fallen asleep sometime during my crying fest, because when I woke up with heavy swollen eye lids, I found a leather jacket covering my upper body. I rubbed my eyes, thankful that my eyeliner was water proof but annoyed that it wasn't Roxas proof, trying to wake myself up and clear my blurry vision. I yawned and stretched until I heard my back pop.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes again. The jacket fell onto my lap. My eyes were still too heavy to see clearly so I blinked them a few times. "Where did this come from?" My voice wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was a little scratchy, but it's better than being hoarse. The power of silent cries bitches!

"You're finally awake?" Someone asked from outside the small room. If the voice hadn't been so smooth, young, and sound like the deep sexy baritone voice of a man, I could've been fooled and I would've thought it was the lazy nurse.

"Who-" I started to ask but then a yawn cut me off. It was then that I began to wonder how long I've been asleep. The sound of a chuckle and boots moving across the ground brought me away from such thoughts. I blinked my eyes a few more times just as the owner of the chuckle stopped by the door.

My eyes snapped opened and widened. My jaw hung from the unbelievable cliché scene that could have only happened in movies. I wanted to smack myself just to be sure I wasn't dreaming. Standing before me was none other than Axel. THE Axel. '_Then that must mean...Oh shit this is his jacket!'_ I yelled internally, looking down at the jacket. I felt my face heat up from the embarrassment of having him finding me sleeping. Not only that but he saw me in a skirt!

"You're Xion's friend right?" He asked me, his head curiously tilted to the side.

I could only nod. But then my shy and insecurity dropped when he mentioned Xion and and being he friend. I know I said I liked the guy, but a part of me still hated him for dating all of my friends, save for Olette and the guys. Anger bubbled in the pit of my stomach. A wave of fury washed over me as I came to the realization that he might break up with Xion, just like how he did with every single one of my girlfriends, except for Olette. How do I even know that he will be loyal to Xion? Just because Kairi and Namine weren't affected by the breakup doesn't mean that Xion wouldn't be hurt and cry like Larxene was. He's a man whore or something.

I lifted my head and glared at him with these new thoughts in mind. He looked taken aback for a second, but then he raised a brow at me and crossed his arms. "What's with the attitude?"

"You better not hurt Xion like you did Larxene." I said in a threatening tone, my hands tightly gripping the leather jacket. My pulse was quickly speeding up, but whether it was from anger or from the fear of what he would do to me, I didn't know. All I knew at that moment was that I didn't ever want to see another one of my friends hurt and be in pain like that ever again because of this guy.

"Larxene?" He looked me quizzically. He then tapped his chin, as if he had to think about whom I was talking about. It just pissed me off._ 'Does he not remember her?' _I thought. '_How could Larxene could have possibly loved a guy like this?'_ He snapped his fingers, his left hand went on his hip, he leaned forward and with a look that told me that he remembered and he said, "Oh yeah that blond chick."

My eye twitched when he called her ' that blonde chick'. This had to be someone else. Whenever I saw him, he always acted differently from what I saw here right now. Then again, he could just be screwing around with me. _'Oh right, he's also a jackass on bad days.'_ I thought, as I rolled my eyes, threw his jacket at him, and got up to leave.

He rolled his own beautiful green eyes, and scoffed. "You really think I would forget her? I didn't mean to hurt her, but she was definitely crazy." He shook his head and crossed his arms again. "Anyways, I can tell by your eyes that you not feeling good was complete bull shit."

"Why are you even here?" I raised a brow, trying to hold back a yawn as I quickly changed the topic.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I came to pick something up from the old hag. Except, I found you instead." He clicked his tongue and spun around so he could head back to the outer room. I followed and trailed behind him, but only because it was the way to the exit.

I looked at the clock on the wall for the time and groaned. It was 3:45pm. "Fuuuuck." I groaned. I was supposed to be home by now.

Axel glanced at me from his place behind the desk. He kneeled down so I couldn't see him. I heard some shuffling and a few curses. I wanted to know what he was doing, but I needed to get home. I ran back into the other room, picked my bag up and then ran for the door. However, I had the honor of embarrassing myself by tripping over my feet and landing face first on the ground.

"Aha! There you are." I heard him say. He must have found what he was looking for. "What are you doing?"

"Oh just enjoying the cool hard ground." I grumbled and slowly got up. I fixed my hoodie and skirt._ 'Oh crap! I forgot I was in a skirt! Please don't say something. Come on Roxas run.'_ I thought.

"Hey! Are you wearing a-"

"Gotta go!" I cried out, completely cutting off what he was going to say, and quickly bolted for the door with a blush on my face. I opened the door, and sped down to the open gates and ran home. I wanted to hide in my cave of a room for the rest of my teenaged life, snuggled comfortably underneath my warm blankets, curled up like a fetus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for reviewing the last chapter and thanks to Kyariii for well doing what you do. You're the best and I don't know what I would do without you. You just make these stories better. Thank you :D**

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I really didn't want to go to school today. I didn't even care if it was Friday. Yesterday was just horrible. When I got home my parent's grounded me for being late and skipping my last few periods; even though I told them that I wasn't feeling good and the nurse had me stay after school to be sure I was okay to walk home. Sure it was a lie, but I wouldn't get caught even if they called the old lady. Black mail is a wonderful thing when it comes to school employees. I digress. They didn't care. It was a deal we made. They don't like it when I cross dress so the deal was that I keep up my grade, come home on time, get my homework done, and do ALL the house work in one day every day. I even have to cook on my feminine days. My father says that it will teach me to be a good house wife and that it's the only way I can be who I am.

But I don't hate them for it; I know it's hard for them to accept that their only child is both a son and daughter. My father and mother made fun of me one day; they said that if I end up with a man I better not be the one to take it up the ass. It was embarrassing to hear them say that, but it was even more humiliating because they said it when we actually went out to eat in public. Namine was with us that day too! It was when I still liked her.

They are cruel people and yet I still love them, even though I'm treated like shit. They can't help how they were raised.

"Roxas you really have to stop spacing out."

"Huh, what?" I came back to reality and realized I was falling behind on the track._ 'Thats right, fourth period is gym.'_ I thought to myself.

"You still not feeling well?" I glanced to the owner of the concerned voice. It was my cousin and closest friend (besides Xion) Sora. The spiky haired brunette was jogging beside me with his deep blue eyes filled with concern for me. "If you want, we can ask Mr. Leonhart if you could go see the nurse."

It was a nice suggestion; if I was lucky, maybe I could skip lunch again. Axel was supposed to be there again, but after our meeting yesterday he was the last person I wanted to see. Sure I was still feeling angry towards him, but feeling embarrassed like yesterday left little room for me to be angry at him. "I'm alright Sora." I lied while trying to jog faster so we could finish the mile run already.

"Are you sure? Your face is all red, and I know it's not because we're running." He turned around and started to run backwards so he could point his finger at my face.

"Maybe I don't feel fine, but if I skip out on lunch again, Xion might think I'm avoiding her because of Axel." I sighed and kept running next to Sora. We reached the end of the track and went to go sit on the bleachers until the rest of the class was finished. I looked up at the darkened grey sky and wished for a thunder storm to come and make me feel better.

"Riku said it's going to rain today. Did you bring an umbrella?" Sora was looking up at the sky too. We both had a liking for rain and stars. "I don't think she'll think that." He said as an afterthought.

"I didn't bring one but it's alright. Besides, I'm grounded so if the rain slows me down then it's more free time outside." I had told Sora about why I was grounded, but I left out the part about Axel. He knows about how my parents treat me and wishes I would just come live with him. My Aunt and Uncle are a little more open minded than my parents are, but I know what they must be thinking; they're glad it wasn't Sora who ended up like me.

"It still sucks." He grumbled and stood up just as Mr. Leonhart blew the whistle that told us to get our asses to the locker room.

I parted ways with Sora after we dressed. Just so you know, today, I woke up feeling like a girl; except… now I feel like a guy. Luckily, I always left some spare clothes in my locker incase my feelings changed. The only make up I ever take off is the blush so I always wear eyeliner, yes even as a guy.

As I walked through the halls to get to my next class, I was suddenly pushed up against a wall by familiar rough hands.

"Well, well, the drag queen changed. What happen to fag rags princess?" Seifer cackled in my face, his blue eyes burning with disgust. His hands were on my shoulders, harshly pinning me to wall. I knew people saw this scene as they walked through the hallways, but as always, they turned their heads away probably in disgust or something else, and walked away quickly. They just kept on walking as if they didn't see the scene happening right in front of their eyes like the ass holes they are. It was always like this whenever the Seifer bullied me in public.

"What do you want now Seifer?" I groaned. I just wanted to get to class so I could think about how much I didn't want to go to lunch today. '_Should I just let him beat me up today and let him feel happy about himself?'_ I thought. I wanted to get this over with. Why can't all my problems just leave me alone just for a day?

"What's the matter cupcake?" He taunted, cooing at me as he waited for a reaction from me. He smiled gently at me, gently stroking my cheek as he gazed deeply into my eyes. I glared at him. It was times like these that I thought that he was gay, but then those soft, gentle touches would turn into punches. His soft and gentle tone would gradually turn into a sadistic, disgusted tone that always mocked me.

I smacked his hand away from my face. "What Seifer, are you starting to turn gay for me now?" I prepared myself for what I knew was going to come next. Seifer frowned and glared back at me.

"What did you say?" he raised his voice. Visibly, I could see his anger level rising quickly. Before I knew it, I felt a sharp, painful jab in my stomach. This made me gasp and shoot spit out of my mouth that landed on Seifer's face. He growled and furrowed his brows, pulling his knee back before ramming it into my balls. Unfortunately, he wasn't done after that; he followed his punch by slamming his fist into my back painfully, causing me to crumple to the ground like a paper ball. "You little shit." He growled, as he started to kick my stomach painfully over and over again; all the while I gasped and coughed up more spit. He did this all in five minutes; right up until the late bell rang.

"Fucking faggot." He said venomously, and spit in my face before he left me alone in the silent hallway.

My head was killing me, my stomach hurt, and I knew I would have some bruises. I always did when I let him beat me. It was obvious that I was going to be late for class and get a detention, but I suppose that's a lot better than the school calling my parents to say I ditched a class. I hated how they did that.

After a minute or two, I reluctantly sat up with my hand on top of my sore abdomen. I wiped the spit off of the corner of my mouth with the sleeve of my hoodie and tried to stand up on my unsteady feet. I didn't move any more than I had to. I leaned against the wall until my head stopped spinning. Suddenly, an ingenious idea came to me. I chuckled to myself, thinking about the excuse I now had to ditch lunch. But for some reason, I felt that I needed to go and face the music now rather than later.

"High School sucks." I laughed to myself and stumbled to class. My teacher was not pleased when I showed up, but seeing as how I was hunched over, he decided not to be a dick and let me go with a warning. Yay for pity and no detention! Boo for Olette staring at me with wide eyes.

Damn it.

"Roxas, what happened to you?" She whispered quickly to me as soon as I sat down. I only looked passed her to stare out the window. What's a guy have to do to have some rain? I ask you what? That's like the only thing I want right now. But nooooo, I have to suffer with the just clouds and worried green eyes staring at me. Oh shit! I ignore Olette. I have to stop rambling.

"Roxas?" She hissed at me. Yep she's mad.

"It's nothing." Oh joy my voice is hoarse. Yay for me! Not. "I just ran into Seifer. No big deal."

She frowned and puffed her tanned cheeks. "What do you mean no big deal? You look like hell Roxas." I knew she was only worried about me, but I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

"Olette I'm fine, really. He just had the upper hand, that's all. I won't let it happen again." I forced a smile at her, even though it hurt, and pretended to do my work. I knew that would get her off my back, because for some reason, she thinks school work is the most important thing in the world.

As the minutes went by, my anxiety only grew stronger. There was only two minutes and thirty seven seconds left until the bell rang. I had to make a decision now. Do I ditch everyone again, or do I grow a pair and face Axel? "I'll have to face him eventually." I mumbled to myself quietly.

"Did you say something?" Son of a bitch! Olette just had to have good hearing.

I gave her a side glance. Her piercing grass green eye bores right into my head. I know she heard me, and I knew that she would get nosy. All girls are nosy, even me on a rare occasion. It's one of the things I hate about girls. They can never mind their own business or keep their mouths shut. Don't give me that look. There are things I hate about guys too and since I'm both so you can't do or say shit to me.

Sorry...

"Nothing, just talking to myself." I whispered to her as I kept my eyes on the clock. One minute and forty three seconds left. I sucked in a sharp breath, only to wince from the pain I felt piercing every bruise in my body. It wasn't helping that my heart rate was picking up and slamming against my sternum.

"Don't lie to me Roxas. Who do you have to face? Is it Seifer again?" Olette's nagging tone was about to make me snap. "You can't fight him. Not like this! Just tell the guys or something. Besides, what's the point when you'll only get in trouble?"

'_Shut the hell up! Mother fucking shit up a bastard's ass with a bitch screwing a damn cock monkey!' _I steadied my breathing as I yelled at my friend in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I care for Olette, but sometimes I wish someone would bitch slap her. "No, it's not Seifer." I said steadily, trying to calm myself.

_Dooooooooo_

Thank god the bell rang; the loud tone cut her off, but only for a few seconds. They were the few precious seconds that I had to force myself to get up and bolt from the room. Sure, it's not the best idea to do, but I just had to get away from her. However she caught up in no time at all. Limp running isn't fast all at.

"Roxas! What's going on?!" She demanded as she rounded in front of me with her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"I said its nothing. I'm just hungry so can we go eat now." I whined feeling my anxiety grow even more. At this point I think I was going to have a panic attack.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." She didn't budge. The girl was stubborn, but not as stubborn as I was. Instead of answering, I side stepped and limped past her. She of course, followed me and naturally wouldn't stop asking me questions even when we got in line, finished getting our food, and finally sat down at the table. To make matters worse, we weren't the only ones there. Sora, Kairi, Riku, Hayner, Pence, and Namine were all staring at the two of us.

"Ah man, can't you leave the kid alone?" Hayner rolled his grey hazel eyes in annoyance. Thank you Hayner for always speaking your mind.

"Mind your own business." Olette scolded him.

"Hypocrite." Hayner stuck out his tongue, and then the two started to bicker. I have to thank him later for taking her attention off of me.

"You feeling better Roxas?" My chubby brunette friend, Pence, asked me after he swallowed some pizza.

"Yeah." I nodded trying to hide my face behind some food.

"Seifer beat you up didn't he?" The oldest of the group asked me. Riku was only a few months older than all of us, that and he was Sora's best friend. His aquamarine eyes were covered by his silver hair so I couldn't read his expression, but he sounded a bit concerned. I don't know, it was always hard to tell, but Riku was one of the most trustworthy guys I knew.

"How can you tell?" I asked, putting my chicken sandwich down on my plate.

"You were limping, your hair and clothes are a mess, and you have a bruise on your left cheek." Sora said for the silverette. It's funny because I don't remember being kicked in the face. Then again, I don't really remember most of where I was kicked.

"Roxas you should see the nurse." Namine's normally kind and sweet voice said, this time full of worry. She pushed some of her bright blond hair behind her ear and her sparkling blue eyes held concern in them. I admit I still have some lingering feelings for her, but my heart sorta wants Axel more.

"She's right Roxas. You don't look so good." Kairi's sweet soothing voice added to her cousin's regard. She blew her auburn hair out of her face so her own bright blue eyes could bear upon me.

"He looks fine. You know the kid's had worse." I looked up to see a yellow blond with electric green eyes peering down at me.

"Larxene is right. I'm fine." I smiled at her, happy she wasn't going to baby me. "Marulixa not here?" I asked as she took a seat beside me.

"The ass decided to ditch today. He said he didn't want to get caught in the storm. What a baby." She groaned dramatically and laid her face on the table. We all laughed at that.

"Roxas!" I heard a voice, saw a black blur, and felt arms tightly hugging me from behind before I could even turn around to the source of the call.

"Ahh!" I moaned in agonizing pain as Xion's arms applied pressure to my sore body.

"Roxas?" She let go of me her voice full of uneasiness. "I didn't think I hugged you that hard."

"It's okay Xion. He got in a fight with Seifer again." Hayner said seeming to be done arguing with his obvious crush.

"Again! Damn it Roxas I told you to let me help you with that bully. When I get my hands on him I'll , I'll ugh!" She groaned and sat to my right with steam coming out of her ears. I laughed lightly and ruffled her short black hair, ignoring how her baby blue eyes glared at me with the promise of death if I did it again.

"It's okay Xion. Thanks though." She let out a huff of air and leaned her head on my shoulder. I winced for a second then sighed when she lightened the weight of her head.

"You wouldn't be trying to steal my girlfriend now are you Roxana?" Oh how I wanted to get up and punch his lights out right now. Why is he still being a dick to me?

I heard everyone snigger but my glower stare shut them all up. I may be both male and female, but that does not mean I will go by a feminine name like Roxana. Even Roxy pisses me off.

"Axel be nice. Roxas is having a bad day." Xion chided him while taking her head off my shoulder. "Oh! Roxas this is Axel, and Axel this is Roxas, not Roxana. He doesn't like being called anything else."

"Yeah, I met him yesterday." Axel had his elbow on the table, his arm up, and chin resting in his right hand. "I was only teasing."

"You guys met yesterday?! Roxas, why didn't you tell me?" Xion exclaimed and shook me, completely forgetting I was in agony.

"We met in the nurse's office. He was sleeping, and I was picking something up." He said nonchalantly.

"Roxas you didn't tell me he was there with you." Sora looked at me with a raised brow.

"It must have slipped my mind." I said trying to keep my cool. I spotted Larxene looking at me from the side of eyes. It made me remember how Axel pretended to not remember her. I let a growl of frustration slip out causing all eyes to look at me questionably.

"Roxas?" Namine asked quietly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." I looked down trying to hide my blush. "Sorry guys, I think I'm going to go lay down." I stood up not waiting for any of them to try and stop me. I didn't even pick up my lunch, knowing someone else would eat it.

"Hey, kid!" I heard Axel calling me, but I didn't stop walking out of the building. I needed to get away before I either blow up or broke down. I wasn't so far that I didn't hear him say something to Xion before hearing the nasty sound of lips smacking. I hated that sound. I don't understand why people feel the need to kiss with that nasty noise.

I'm about to rant again, sorry.

Just as I make it out side I felt a large hand on my shoulder, stopping me from any further movement.

"I get the feeling you don't like me very much." He said it so softly that I didn't think it was him speaking.

Ever so slowly, I turned around and saw something that I didn't think I would see. It was something along the lines of hurt, or maybe sadness? I didn't know which, but it made my heart melt. The questioning look in his beautiful emerald green eyes made me question whether or not this was the same Axel that I had spoken to or seen yesterday.

It's true that I didn't like him, and yet at the same time, I liked him more than he could ever possibly ever know. But… how? How could I ever explain it to him without him hating my guts. How could I ever tell Xion that I liked her boyfriend? That's just it. I couldn't tell him exactly what I felt. I inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before replying.

"I don't particularly like or not like you. I know you're a good guy and all, but I was serious about what I said the other day. Do. Not. Hurt. Xion." I took his hand off my shoulder, drowning in the warmth and feel of it on the inside.

"I'm not going to hurt her. Xion is something special. She's different from the other girls I've dated." The look in his eyes changed to seriousness. He had looked at me with such intensity and passion in his eyes… Passion that was meant for someone other than me… and in that moment I felt my heart being torn open. It had hurt less when Seifer was beating me. At least those wounds could heal.

"Hey? Roxas what's wrong?" That was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dedicated to Yoyito for being the only one who understood why Roxas passed out XD**

**Sorry about the wait guys. Not beta'd but I hope you enjoy, I did my best to look over the mistakes.**

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I have a headache. It was coming from the right side of my head. Not only that but my shoulder was screaming at me like the girls when they are pmsing. I have my eyes closed so I don't know where I am or what time it is. I just know that my body feels like a rock. I don't want to open my eyes, for fear of being more aware of my muscle aches.

The last thing I can remember is getting up and heading outside to find a place to hide. I told my friends I was going to go lay down but I really just wanted to get away from Axel before I blew up on him. '_Axel.' _Speaking of Axel, he followed me outside didn't he? I'm sure of he did. Unless seeing those sad emerald eyes of his was just an illusion.

"Is he okay?" I hear someone whisper. I'm not sure who it is but it sounds like one of my friends. Definitely female by the higher pitch their in voice.

"I called my Aunt and Uncle. They sounded worried but I'm sure it's just a front. I asked them if Roxas could spend the night with me with the excuse of 'they can have a romantic weekend alone'."

Okay that's Sora. He's around me with someone else and what he said was enough to make me want to gag. But the idea of not going home sounds pretty good to me at this point. Even if they saw how badly I was beaten; it's not an excuse to come home late and not do my chores. My aunt and uncle...well my aunt would ask if I was alright. My uncle was the quiet type and my aunt was the awesome type even though she's my aunt through marriage. That must be why she is awesome.

"What did they say?"

Another female voice. It sounds like Namine from the way her voice just flows out like an angel. And if I have to guess the first one was Kairi. I wonder who else is around me?

"That he could come over. They told me he was grounded but when I said the thing about the weekend they quickly changed their minds." I feel really sick now. Please someone shut Sora up about it? As if my prays were being answered, someone else spoke.

"That's nasty man. I know old people still have sex but I don't want to think about it. It's nicer to pretend they don't do that shit anymore." Thank you Hayner for saying what's on everyone's mind.

"Hayner that's just wrong." Yep that voice belongs to Pence.

"Guys, we need to get back to class." Olette, thanks for your concern. But it can't be helped. I know you're only doing what you think is best for everyone.

"Sora, stop looking at him like that. He's not dead and we can get him after school." Ah Riku, I love you too. I bet he knows I'm awake and how uncomfortable it will be for me to wake up in a room full of people staring at me.

"Wonder boy is right. We should go." Larxene and her words of encouragement. "Besides, he'll probably wet himself when he see a bunch of eyes watching him." Okay now I think she can read minds and its unsettling.

"Fine." Sora sighed. I could hear everyone's foot steps leaving, what I'm going to guess is the nurse's office. I'm going to guess she isn't here again too. Wait a minute., everyone was here but Xion. That kinda stings to know she doesn't care about me. Then again she could have been here and left right before I even woke up.

"I should get to class. You should too, you know. Roxas doesn't like it when he is being watch. Then again I don't know who does." I hear a light giggle to the right of my head. So Xion is here. Huh, see how jumping to conclusion can ruin things between good friends?

"I will, don't worry. But unlike you, I got a free period remember? I think I might hunt down that poor excuse for a nurse."

Oh great, Axel's here too. Just me, Xion, and Axel; all alone in a small room. My best friend, her boyfriend and my current crush. Well it's not like they know I can hear them anyway. Now I'm not really into eavesdropping, but what can it hurt? It's not like I'm sneaking around just to know what they are talking about. I'm just pretending to be knocked out.

"Axel, you guys didn't say something to each other that would make him pass out, did you?" I hear the sound of a chair scarping against the ground. My guess is that Xion was sitting next to me and is now standing.

"I don't know what to tell you. I asked if he hated me. He just said he doesn't but at the same time he does. I think he's jealous." That bastard, how dare he say that with that sexy chuckle of his.

"Jealous? Why would he be jealous? Roxas maybe bigender but that doesn't make him bisexual. Then again, if it's female Roxas and she like girls then I guess you could say he is. Hmm"

'_Xion! Don't tell him that! What the hell?!' _I want to get up and shake her by the shoulders for even telling him that much. What kinda best friend is she?

Axel scoffed and I could just sense his shrugging. "He probably likes all of you. Or maybe he just likes you, Xion. Who wouldn't like you?"

Okay, I want ear plugs and a trash can stat. For one, that was really cheesy. And two, Xion bought it and is currently making out with Axel. I know because I can hear that lip smacking sound again. It was making my heart hurt all over again. I remember now. I had a full on panic attack. I passed out in front of Axel and I must have fell on my side...Oh god! She just moan. I think it's time I woke up now, wouldn't you say?

"Mm Axel, Roxas is right there. And we're in school. I'll see you after okay?" With that Xion's foot steps disappeared through the door.

"Please tell me you're leaving next." I groan and place the back of my left hand over my eyes.

"It's not nice to eavesdrop you know." Axel said with a bit of sarcasm. "I'm not leaving until I know that you're really alright. You scared the shit outta me."

I remove my hand to stare at him in disbelief. He sounds like he isn't lying and as if he is actually panicked about the whole thing. It's not as if it was a big deal. So I passed out, it's not like it doesn't happen to people. "Have you ever seen someone pass out before?"

The look on his face told me he hadn't. It is weird to see him looking so upset. He's never shown that expression before. Not that I know of, but somewhere in my headache filled brain, I feel like it was just for me to see and nobody else. But just as that look on his face appeared, it vanished.

"What?" He asked raising a red brow and shifting in his spot on the bed next to mine. His eyes are staring at me intently and it's kinda intimidating.

"What what?" I asked him. I don't know what he was asking me. I was just staring at him...oh that must be what he was asking because he raised his brow again. "I uh." I can feel my face growing hot with embarrassment. '_Please stop staring at me.'_

"You know, you look different when you're not wearing a skirt." Yup, now I'm full on blushing and there is nothing I can do about the depth of my embarrassment. "Xion said you were "bigender" what exactly does that even mean?"

I gulp and try to fix my gaze on my hands as the heat on my face grew darker and darker. I know he can see it but he was being kind enough not say anything about it. I hate the way he makes me feel like if I say something wrong, he'll never even look at me again. I wish Xion had kept her mouth shut. I want to explain myself, but at the same time I was planing to never be myself again and just be a guy until I never saw Axel again.

"Hey, wait a second." He snapped his fingers and got up from the bed. His long legs carried him right to my bed where he sat next to my legs. "You're that kid that likes to cross dress right? I can't believe I'm seeing you in person." He started to laugh and hold on to his side.

I don't what hurt more. The fact that he's laughing at me for being myself, or the fact that he wanted to meet the crossing dressing kid as if I was some side show that the whole school had to see. And as if he could sense my distress, he stopped his laughter and scratched his cheek while looking around awkwardly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just, you know..." He tiled his head back so he could stare at the ceiling. It's obvious to me that he was having a hard time trying to come up with an apology. It makes my pained heart skip a beat knowing that he was at least trying to say sorry.

I couldn't help the giggle that left my lips, I didn't even mind that my bruised ribs hurting like a bitch. Even the look on his confused face got me laughing more but was stopped by a small coughing fit. I'm seriously going to kick Seifer's ass next time he tries to pick a fight with me. But enough about that asshat, Axel was chuckling along with me and I'm sure he doesn't know why, making it even funnier. Of course I had to start coughing again. The fit made him come to my aid with worry in his gorgeous green eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a hand on my back that was sending tingles down my spine. He was so close that I could smell his cologne. I really wish I was a girl right now because my cheeks are turning red and my pulse is quickening. I can even feel a problem growing beneath my pants. But god does he smell good.

"I-I'm fine." I said nervously, annoyed that I stuttered. "Just a little sore." His brows furrowed and I was forced to lay down while I let out a yelp. His hands went to the hem of my hoodie and his fingers brush against the flesh of my stomach. My breathing picked up and it felt like I was going to die just from his touches.

"Wh-what are you doing?!" No seriously what the hell is he doing?! My hoodie is being lifted up and I rather he not see my body. I grasp his wrists and struggle with him. "Let go!" I commanded.

"Just let me see." He grunted. It's not fair that he is over powering me because the more I wriggle around the more I can feel the burning sensation that my nervous system oh so kindly let me feel. Yay for knowing stuff, pff not.

"Who did this to you?" He questioned me as soon as he got my hoodie all the way up to my chin, exposing my torso. I could only bit my lip from the embarrassment I feel. He can see my fucking nipples for god's sake! Since I wasn't answering him, he took it upon himself to run his fingers over each and every purple blotch I had. It sent shiver through out my body and it was all I could do to not moan at the touches that left my skin feeling hot.

"Remember, Xion said I was having a bad day." I said, trying my best not let my voice crack. "I'm fine..." I mumbled trying to pull my hoodie back down so I can yank it over my tight pants.

"So this is why you passed you." He sighed in relief.

'_Yes that's exactly why I passed out you jack ass! It wasn't because you torn my heart out.' _I really need to stop with the sarcasm in my thoughts. It's not healthy and it's not making me feel any better. No, in fact I feel even worse now that I remember. It's enough to make me cry but I know he would question me on it.

"Do you want a ride after school? I'm not sure if you know or not, but Sora said he called your parents so you'll be going to his place. But I don't think you should be walking."

Is he- is he worried about me? There's no way but then again with the way he is looking at me, it makes me feel like he is. Hey, wait. Is he blushing?! No, it can't be, why would he be blushing? "Blushing."

"Pardon?" He asked looking down at me with a raise brow. He looked as if he were trying to fight the blush off. Wait...ah damn it! I said something didn't I?

"Uh er nothing." I quickly utter and tried to sit up but he held me down with his hand on my shoulder.

"You should sleep. You'll need it. And if you want, I'll stay right here." He gave me a grin that said he was being sincere. It took my breath away. He wasn't being a jerk anymore and I have a feeling it's because he was just teasing me earlier. I feel bad now for acting like he would do something to Xion. He said it himself, he wasn't going to hurt her.

I can't think of it anymore because as much as I'm glad that she will be fine, I can't get over the fact that I'm the one who's hurt. He doesn't even know what he did so I can't say anything to him. I can feel the tears threatening to spill from my eyes so I just rolled onto my side so my back was facing him. He sighed and I hear his feet moving away from me. The puff of air that came from the bed next to me let me know that he took a seat on it.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you like and not like me. It confuses me but, Roxas, I really am sorry. Yesterday, I guess you could say I was having my own bad day and I almost took it out on you. I honestly didn't mean to hurt Larxene but her plan to trick me into getting her pregnant haha you can't tell me that it's not insane?" He laughed light heartly.

I rolled over enough so I can look at him. I didn't even think about it but he is right. Her plan was crazy and this may sound mean, but I'm glad he found out before it was too late. If she had his kid then I don't know what I would have done. "It's true that her idea was a bad one. But maybe if you had talked about it and made her see logic, I think she wouldn't have been as hurt. I don't know because at the same time you wouldn't be with...Xion."

"True enough. You were there that day, by the lockers. You were the one she was telling when I just happen to over hear it. Funny, I can't believe I never noticed you until the other day."

"Gee thanks." I thought while shutting me eyes. It's nice to know that I'm a nobody to him.

"Come on, don't be like that. If I had noticed you any other time, I would have gone up to you and asked if you were actually a girl cross dressing rather than a guy."

"Does that bother you?" I asked doing my best to ignore the fact that what I thought I said in my head was actually out loud. Thank you brain for always being so kind to me. You know, it never works when I really need it too but when I don't need it, it likes to mess things up for me. Like that one time I thought I said Namine looked hot in my head but I said it out loud and then Hayner made fun of me. I'm just glad she was a few feet ahead of us and didn't hear me. I had to threaten Hayner I would tell Olette that he thought she was cute just to shut him up. I mean it's what friends do but...

Sorry...I'm really sorry I keep rambling.

"Not at all. In fact, I wanted to meet you because I think it's cool that you're comfortable enough to be yourself." He said, going from sitting to laying down. He layed his arms behind his head and in the distances the bell rang. "Mind if I stay here with you? I don't feel like going to class. You can hear the rain too can't you?"

He is right, I can hear the beating of the rains drops, pounding on the roof above us. The rain that I longed for to make my day a bit better finally came. And if that wasn't enough to make me smile, then the fact that Axel didn't think I was a freak was the icing on the cake. My bad day was getting better and as much as I hate to admit it, it's because I could have this moment with Axel. I watched him, not even bothering to answer his question because I'm to absorbed by the fact that he thought I was cool. It's making my ripped up heart pound against my chest.

"You should get to class." I finally said when the warning bell went off.

"But I don't want too." He surprised by saying that with a whiny tone and a pout on his face. I feel like I imagined it but the pout is still there and he is giving me this adorable puppy dog look with his eyes. Who would have thought that this perfect guy could whine and look so cute.

I chuckled and shut my eyes, just so I don't have to see that endearing look on his face. "Fine, you can stay." I turn around so I can hide the smile on my face that was hurting my left cheek. Maybe Axel is more of the type of guy I like than I thought. For now I want to believe that I have a shot with him. I want to believe he isn't dating Xion and that he and I like each other but are to afraid to say anything. For now, as I can feel myself getting sleepy, I want to pretend that I can be happy with just his presences.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, really really sorry for taking forever to update this. It's just, I was having a hard time coming up with something. But then I just felt like writing for this again and it turns out it was easier to do than I thought it would be.**

**Not beta'd but I did my best and took my time to edit this. I was even able to add a few things as I went. Forgive me if you see any mistakes and I hope you enjoy.**

****Ps: if you haven't beat the evil within, then I suggest you skip the part when the titled game is mentioned.****

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"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Axel asked me once school ended. We are both still in the nurse's office, sitting and face one another. His hair is slightly messy and his eyes show that he is still half asleep. I noticed that he's not wearing his jacket and that once again, it's covering me. Well it's on my lap now but that's besides the point.

"You look like you're the one that could use a ride." I laugh at his sleepy stare.

He yawns and blinks a few times before rubbing his eyes. "'M not the one covered in buries." He says yawning again.

"You got me there." I say quietly while shifting my focus to my lap, cursing Seifer again for making me look weak. I should have just fought back and then Axel wouldn't have to see me like this. He also wouldn't have touched me and...shit shit I need to not think of that.

"Roxas?" He asks with concern laced in his dreamy voice. "I don't mind, you know. You and Sora can catch a ride with me and Xion. Unless you really want to walk in the rain." He chuckles but all I hear is Xion's name.

Bitterness fills my heart at the thought of them together. It's pitiful that I feel envious of Xion when I do want her to be happy. I don't know if I can be around the two of them at once even if Sora is there too. But usually Sora gets a ride with Riku and Kairi. With that new thought seeping into my mind I gaze back to Axel with a small smile. "Actually, since I'll be going to Sora's place, I should be able to catch a ride with Riku."

For a split second I see a flash of hurt in his eyes. Axel looks at the wall and scratches the back of his head. It's a habit I picked up on a while back when he dated Larxene. Though I never really met him, I always saw him doing that from a distance. He always looked nervous or like he was trying to come up with something to say that would be his golden ticket to whatever kind of problem he was in; never knowing I was watching.

Don't look at me like that. I'm not a stalker okay? I just happen to observe him and keep an eye out incase something bad happened. Nothing more...

"Yeah that's true. But," he pauses and stares at me as if something just clicked in his head. "How about we hang out? Get to know one another. Just you and me." He is grinning now and I do my best to hold back a sigh like a school girl in love.

"What about Xion?" I ask, wondering about my best friend. One would think she would want to spend a Friday afternoon with her...b-boy-friend. And the same for him. Why would he want to hang out with me? I'm nobody special that he really has to know. But it's not as if I don't want to spend time with him alone. It's actually a dream come true. Just the two of us, doing nothing but goofing around and having a good time. There's a kiss in there somewhere but only after we've spent the day together.

Just the thought of kissing him makes my heart pound against my chest. My cheeks start to heat up and I know I must be starting to blush. To avoid him from seen, I stand up and hold his jacket in my hands. "Don't you two have any plans?" I ask trying to sound curious. I even tilt my head to add to my wonder.

Axel chuckles and stands up, stretching his limbs, making himself look taller. He takes his jacket back and as he puts it on he nods. "Yeah but I'm sure she wouldn't mind waiting until next week. A little guy time won't kill her and besides, I think she would like it if we got to be better friends. I know I would."

My left eye twitches from his comment about Xion liking us being friends. If he hadn't said he liked the idea too I would have walked out of the room with some half assed excuse.

I tittered and shake my head as if what he said was funny. Okay it was kinda funny but I'm still annoyed by it. "Ask her first. I wouldn't want to have her breathing down my neck for stealing you away." I say this jokingly but I can't help but feel a truth to my words. Would I ever really try to steal him away if I could? Probably but not intentionally. Or maybe it would be and I'd just be in denial about it.

"You're funny. We should play a joke on her one of these days. Not to hurt her of course but pretend we're keeping something from her." Axel chortled and look toward the door down to his right. I followed his gaze and see Sora coming in looking like a wet blanket.

"It's really cold out there. You wouldn't believe it." He shivers as he shakes water from his spiky hair.

I frown at his clothes and see they are almost as wet as his hair. "What the hell happened to you? You look like a drowned rat." I laugh, sauntering over to him while yanking off my hoodie and forcing him to take his jacket and shirt off. They fall to the ground with a loud splat sound by our feet.

"I don't know honestly. One moment it's raining lightly and then the next it's pouring. You can't really hear in here but if I open the door-" he says and opens it a little. "It's just...damn."

My eyes widen at the sight of the amount of rain falling outside. The sound of it mixed with the strong wind sent shivers down my spine. This is the type of rain I really like. The only things missing were thunder and lightning.

I hear a whistle from behind me and I jump in reaction. "Damn, that's a lot of water." Axel chuckles and Sora nods in agreement while shutting the door.

"Riku and Kairi got held up in class so it looks like we have to wait it out for a while." Sora sighs and puts on my hoodie, hugging himself while kicking off his shoes and peeling off his soaked socks. "I just know I'm going to get sick." He groans and kicks his stuff away from the door.

I shake my head and pick up his stuff, ringing them out and laying them on the desk to at least dry a little. The three of us then go back to the small room with the two beds. Sora taking the one I slept on while Axel lets him wear his jacket over my hoodie. For some reason I don't even feel jealous from the gesture. I guess I'm more concern about Sora getting warm.

"I guess it's a rain check on hanging out then. Uh no pun intended." Axel lightly laughs, taking a seat on the other bed. He pulls out his phone and starts to text someone. Probably Xion.

"Where are the others?" I ask sitting next to Axel so Sora can have the bed to himself.

"I'm not sure. I didn't see any of them outside. Maybe they are in their classes waiting." Sora curls up in a ball and I can't tell he wants to take his pants off because they are just as wet.

"Damn it." I curse because I know I can let him wear mine since I have my skirt and tights in my back pack. Which by the way was conveniently brought in with Sora.

"Xion said she's with Hayner and Namine and that Olette's with Larxene and Pence." Axel says putting his phone away. His eyes meet mine and he raises a brow. "What's wrong?"

I chew my lower lip and feel myself blush. I now curse the rain for making me do this but it needs to be done. Without a word I kick off my shoes and close my eyes, striping my pants off. I can feel Axel's gaze on me and it just makes my face heat up even more.

"What are you doing?" He asks sounding a little uncomfortable.

I don't answer him and just throw my pants in Sora's direction. I open my eyes, watching as Sora sits up with a questionable expression as I stand around in my boxers. "Put those on."

"What about you?" Sora frowns and makes to throw my pants back.

"I've got a change of clothes." I mutter and storm out of the small room and toward my back pack. I groan, taking out my extra clothes and put them on. They aren't as warm as my pants but it's better than nothing. The crappier thing is, I don't even feel like a girl right now, but a boy wearing a skirt.

"Roxas?" I tense up when I hear Axel coming close to me. The sound of his boots echoing in the room. "Oh." I hear him say a little breathlessly. "That's what you meant."

"Yeah." I say, keeping my back to him. "Did he put them on?"

'_Because if he hasn't I'll force them on myself.'_ I growl in my head.

"He did. Why don't you come back and join us?" He puts his hand on my shoulder but I just shrug it off. "What's wrong?" He asks, his boots telling me he's trying to walk in front of me.

"Don't look at me." I turn around quickly.

"Hey! It's not like I haven't seen you in a skirt before. I told you I don't care if you wear it. Besides, it suits you." He says forcing me to face him.

My heart leaps into my throat. He has no idea what he is doing to me and it's not fair. I take a chance and look up to meet his gaze and I'm surprised by how gentle his eyes are. He really isn't messing with me.

"There. That's a lot better." He says and I feel his thumbs wiping under both my eyes. It takes a second for me to realize I'm crying and he isn't making fun of me for being me or for showing my weakness. Instead he is being nice and sweet.

"Thank you." I whisper, not knowing what I'm thanking him for. He looks taken aback and I can tell he doesn't know what I'm thanking him for either.

He just smiles and ruffles my hair with his large warm hand. "You're welcome."

* * *

It was an hour before the rain finally let up. In that time the three of us just sat around and talked. I sat next to Axel while Sora began to doze off in the middle of our conversation about The Evil Within. We all agreed that it's not scary but still a good game. We argued about it being Leslie or Ruvik that left at the end of it. Axel says Lesile and I say Ruvik. Just because it was Lesile walking out doesn't mean it wasn't Ruvik in his body. I mean come on, who is to say that Sebastian still isn't in Ruvik's head? It goes on like this for while and the only thing Sora says during was nothing but zzz.

Anyway, while my cousin was sleeping, Axel took it upon himself to lay down and use my lap as a pillow. It startled me and I was unsure how to handle the sudden invasion of my person bubble. However, I didn't say anything and just let him relax his tired body. The warmth that radiated from his head did nothing to suppress my want. I had to shift around which made him lift his head up with an apology. I told him I was the one that was sorry and that he could lay back down if he wanted. I tried to be nonchalant about it but he just shook his head and got up.

I feel like whatever contact I could have had with him was ruined by my damned hormones. I hate them sometimes and I hate how he makes my body react to him being so close. If I was a girl it would be easier to hide but I'm not. Physically anyway. I'm fine being born male but sometimes I wish I had the female anatomy. It would make being able to maybe date Axel easier. That is if he wasn't with Xion.

I sigh and pull my legs against my chest. I honestly don't know what to do now. I think about Axel's offer and wonder if he would still want to hang out in this weather. I know I want too but at the same time I want to curl up in bed and sleep.

"Hey, the rains let up. We should be able to get to the car now." I hear Axel say from the outer room.

"I'll wake Sora up." I call back and in the corner of my eye I can see him texting on his phone again. I shrug, roam over to Sora and shake him away. "Wake up you lazy bum." I laugh recalling Kairi calling him that.

"Go away." He mumbled, swatting my hands away from him.

Rolling my eyes, I shake him again, roughly until he sits up and shoves me off. "About time you get up. We can leave now." I cross my arms and glare back at the glare he is giving me.

"Alright so the rain was like this for awhile. Xion told me that she left." Axel says once he came back to the small room. He sounded annoyed and even looked it. I can only imagine what's going through his head. Anyone would be annoyed if they got told that their friend or even partner left them a while ago.

"Riku left me some messages." Sora had his phone in his hand. He must have grabbed it when I had him change. "The last message says they left because I didn't contact them." He sighs and starts to click at the screen.

"My offer still stands." Axel says from behind me.

"What offer?" Sora asks looking up at him.

"He offered us a ride, if we want." I explain with a shrug. "I'm fine with walking but I don't really trust the rain."

Sora stood up and smiled at us. "I'm game. Just let me pack my stuff up. Oh yeah." He pauses and takes off Axel's jacket, handing it back to him. "Thanks."

He nods his head and slips it back on. "Roxas, my other offer is still open." Axel flicks my forehead with a chuckle. I glare at him while rubbing the spot. He must know I'm confused because he starts to remind me of the two of us hanging out.

"You still want to? Even with the weather like this?" I'm confused and wonder why he wants to hang out. I get that it's to get closer but we can do that any other time.

"Yeah but if you don't want to." He looks behind himself, trailing off and muttering things I can't hear clearly.

What could it really hurt? Didn't I say I still wanted to too just a while ago? The only thing that's stopping me is Sora. What about him? It wouldn't be fair to leave him out. "I don't mind I guess."

He raises an eyebrow at me, opens his mouth to say something but Sora cuts him off. "Do you think you could drop us- er me off at Riku's?"

"Why Riku's?" Seriously why Riku's place? And what does he mean "me"? Did he hear us talking and is now plotting something? No way, Sora doesn't even know I like Axel the way I do so it's impossible. But still, why only him?

"I heard you guys talking. Haha sorry, didn't mean to- but you know, it's not like you guys are being quiet about it." Sora laughs and scratches the side of his nose. "Why not Roxas? Go have fun. It's not like your parents will know anyway."

"Yeah that's true." It's true, they'll think I'm at Sora's place. Not a bad idea cousin, not a bad idea.

"Then it's settled. Sora will go to Riku's and Roxy Foxy will come play with me." They share a laugh while I glare at them. Axel doesn't even flinch when I sock his arm. "That hurts. I'm only joking around Roxas."

"I don't like being called Roxy!" I turn my glare to just Axel. Sora quickly pulls me away from him as if I'll try to hit him again.

"Okay okay. Shit." Axel sighs and rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry, you don't have to go crazy on me."

"Let me go Sora."

"Only if you don't attack him." Sora warns me, his grip on me tightens.

I groan and roll my eyes in annoyance. "I promise I won't attack."

Axel lets out a loud breath. He walks over to me and moves his hands in a way to tell Sora to let me go. The next thing I know is that I'm being hugged by him. Well more like his has me in a tight grip, but it's still kinda like a hug. "You really should get over the whole nickname thing. It's not a bad thing you know. I'm just being playful you know? I'll stop if you want Rox." He lightly laughs while shorting my name.

I'm too caught up in the warmth from his body to really care if he calls me anything right now. I gulp and try to calm my beating heart but it won't stop. He's so close and his body is practically pressed against mine. I really hope he can't feel the pounding in my chest. If he does, he doesn't say anything.

"Okay." I say and he lets me go. I feel like a kid that just had sugar for the first time because I'm in a daze. I don't feel the cold, or the rain hitting my face. I don't notice I'm walking anywhere and I don't notice getting into Axel's car. I don't even notice when we leave the school's parking lot. None of it even registers until I hear Sora telling me not to kill Axel as he gets out of the car and walks up to Riku's house. I watch him go up to the door and then I realize Sora still wearing my clothes.

"Okay Roxas, on to my house." Axel chuckles and pulls away from the curve.

'_I'm going to Axel's house. Holy shit.'_


	5. Chapter 5

I must be dreaming. How else could I have ended up in front of Axel's house, waiting in the car for him to come back with an umbrella? I have to pinch myself just to make sure I wasn't asleep. "Nope, I'm awake. Damn it Sora." I mutter to myself while rubbing my arms in an attempt to keep them warm. Why did I let him leave with my hoodie? Now I'm stuck here because Axel doesn't want me to get wet. I'm pretty sure I'm already wet from having to walk in the rain to get to his car. Let me check...yep, I'm wet.

I decide after a minute that I can't take sitting here. It's cold so I'm cold, wet, shivering, and I have so much anxiety built up that if I just don't face my fear of being truly alone with him, then I'll just die right here in the passenger seat. Now I say truly alone because at school, even if you're in a room by yourself, you're never alone because someone can just walk in like Sora did. Well, over here, Axel's parents don't get home until around six or seven. Which means we will be alone. Maybe I should make a break for it. Just run off and then regret my choice later.

Isn't that what we all end up doing anyway?

"Okay, I can't take this anymore." I say and open the car door. I grab my bag, put it over my head, and shut the car door with my hip, wetting it in the process. The next thing is to run for the front door, which my legs are forced to do instead of shiver. Right when I get to the door, it's swung open to reveal Axel, one hand on the nob, the other holding a long black umbrella.

"Oh hell, don't scare me like that." He moved aside and I let myself in. Axel shut the door and put the umbrella by the door. "You should have waited. I was about to come get you. But now look at you." He shakes his head and lightly chuckles.

My eyes narrow into a glare. My bag is taken from me and put on the ground. Axel sighed and bowed his head in defeat. He knew I wasn't in the wrong and yet I can't stand to see him look like a kicked puppy. No matter how adorable or how much I just want to hold him and kiss him, tell him it's alright and that I would give him a treat and...

Okay, Axel is not a puppy. He is a human. I apologize for trailing off...

"Sorry it took me awhile. The damn thing wasn't where it should have been. So I had to look for it." Axel said looking genuinely sorry. He looked pitiful with his puppy dog green eyes and...he's pouting! He's freaking pouting!

My heart skips a beat and it's all I can to do to not go awww in adoration. How can he even pull this type of look off? Axel is perfect and cool. Not someone that would need to look so pathetic to get what he wanted. Even if that's not what he's actually doing. Unless wants me to be the one to feel like that jerk. Whatever it's for, it's working. "I should have waited. It's my fault." I say with a light blush on my cheeks as his emerald hues burn into my flesh.

"Why don't we agree to disagree?" And just like that, the cute puppy has vanished, being replaced by the Axel we all know and love. "I'll lend you some clothes." He puts his hand on my back, leading me away from the door and past a few rooms which I assume are the kitchen and living room. Maybe a dinning room.

"I'm fine like this." I say this, but I honestly want to get out of my skirt and into some pants. Anything dry really.

Axel looks me up and down as if checking me out. His gaze goes forward and then I'm led to the right. "No, I need you out of that skirt."

I would have taken it out of context but they way he said it made me feel offend. He said it like he couldn't stand seeing me in it. Or rather see a guy wearing it unless it was a joke or something. "Uh..." I move away from him and he raises a brow at me.

"I should...if it makes you uncomfortable to see me like this-I shouldn't have came." I can't even form a proper sentence. My heart feels like someone has a tight grip on it and is squeezing the life out of it. It doesn't hurt as much as it did compared to when Axel said Xion was special, but it still hurts pretty bad all the same.

"Wha-oh damn it. That's not what I meant." Axel says quickly, putting his hands up defensively. His voice is gentle and kind when he speak again. "Roxas, I didn't mean it like that. I honestly don't care what you wear. It's just, well you're all wet and I don't want to be the cause of you getting sick and..." He paused looking away with shame in his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

"Axel?" I glance up at him for a second before lowering my gaze. _'So if it's not because he is disgusted by me, then what could it be?'_ I ask myself.

"It's just." He starts again, getting my attention. He turns to look back at me, our eyes gazing into each other's. "It's just my parents wouldn't understand ya know. They're strict and the ignorant type of people who can't see that their beliefs hurt people who can't help who they are, or who they like. I don't want them to hurt you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"It's alright. I understand, more than you really know." He looks at me questionably. I laugh bitterly when I think of my parents. "My parents are like that too. The only reason I'm allowed to dress the way I do is if I do all the house clean every day, get my homework done, and have nothing but A's. I'm not even allowed to miss a day of school no matter how unwell I feel. And if I feel like wearing girl clothes around the house, I have to do all the cooking and I even have to bake shit. I wouldn't have minded cooking and baking if my father wouldn't tell me I'll be a good house wife and that if I ever end up with a man, that I better not be the bitch, as I am a shame to the family."

Axel is silent. He's just staring at me with wide shocked eyes. I can see mixed emotions flashing in them. Anger, worry, pity, a little sadness. His mouth opens and closes like a fish trying to breath. He's trying to say something but he more than likely doesn't know what to say; I actually wish I had kept my mouth shut about my family life. Not even Sora, my own flesh and blood, knows how bad they treat me.

"I-it's not like I'm being a bused or anything. I mean it could be worse, you know? They aren't beating or starving me. It's more like they are giving both sides of me chores." I say trying to defend them. I'm lucky I didn't say anything about them not caring if I get beat at school, like I did today. He probably would have more anger flashing through his eyes. But if I think about it, he was there when Sora said he called them and that he didn't believe they actually cared about my well being.

I see more pity in eyes and I've had enough of him feeling sorry for me. "Axel, can I have the clothes? I'm really cold." I say and my body starts to tremble of it's own.

"Huh, oh, yeah sure." He turns away from me and goes to his dresser.

It takes me a second to realize that I'm standing in his room. I take a quick look around, scanning my surroundings. His bed, twin sized with red and black bedding, is in the center of the room, the head of it is placed against the wall. To the right of it is a night stand with a lamp and digital alarm clock. Next to that is a computer desk with a closed laptop on top. A book and cup full of pencils and pens. Across from the desk, on the opposite wall, is a tall dresser, which Axel is digging through. To the right of that was a flat screen tv on top of a stand that housed from what I can see, games, music, and DVDs.

On the same wall I see another door, which could be a closet or maybe a bathroom. Near that, there's a guitar case leaning against the wall. And now I will add it to my list of reasons of why Axel is perfect. He can play an instrument.

"You can wear these. They might be big on you but it's better than nothing right." Axel states, handing me a large for me, normal for him, shirt with some dark sweats. "Bathrooms right there." He says pointing to the door near the guitar case.

I nod and say thanks as I go over to the door. The bathroom is nothing special. The only thing I found interesting was the shower curtains. They didn't suit someone with Axel's status. I mean it's Disney themed. Mickey Mouse heads everywhere, small and big.

I can't help but smile and let out a small giggle. "It's not funny Roxas! Mickey used to be a boss." I hear Axel call from the other side of the door and it only makes me laugh more because he sounds really childish.

"Why don't you laugh to my face blondie?" Axel threatens me playfully.

I have to hold back my laughter until I finished changing. As expected, his clothes turned out to be a bit too baggy for me. I have to hold hem of the sweats just to keep them from falling down and roll up the pant legs. A little annoying but god they smelt like him, I literally have my nose buried in his shirt. 'Mmmm Axel.' I internally groan from how bothered I was getting. _'Shit, shit, shit. Damn it Axel!'_

Why can't I keep myself in check? Is this all I really want? I'm a diluting myself into thinking that I like him when it could just be lust? Would that mean that if I just forced myself on him and got what I wanted would I still look at him the same way?

My hard on vanishes and my chest began to hurt as my mind raced for the answer. I know I'm attracted to him but what about his personality? From what I heard yes but from what I've seen for myself, Axel the cool guy with a jack ass attitude. But there's more to it. Something that I've never heard about from anyone. The hidden side that so far I think I'm the only one that's seen it, even if it was for a few seconds I know it's there.

My heart pounds and I know it's not from being hurt. It's beating for a different reason and that makes me smile. When I emerge from the bathroom I noticed Axel still standing near the door looking really cocky but still having a playful glint in his beautiful green eyes. "Haha!" I taunt and point at his face with a smirk.

He chuckles and crosses his arms over his chest. "You shouldn't have done that."

"And what are you going to do about it!" I ask mockingly, putting my hands on hips to look like I'm daring him to try something when it's really to hold up the damn sweats.

Axel chuckles again and he takes a step toward me. I admit that I want to take a step back but I don't want to show him that I'm weak or afraid of whatever he has planned. "This." He yells and the next thing I know, I'm being lifted up and being held on his shoulder while he spins around the room laughing.

"Ahhhhh what the hell?!" I cry and wiggle around. "Axel let me down!" I ordered pounding on his back while he keeps spinning and laughing louder. If I wasn't in pain and scared that he'd drop me, I would have enjoyed the feeling of his hand on my ass.

"No can do." He titters and reverses himself so we're spinning the other way. "I warned you didn't I?" He laughs and I just give up.

He reverses again and I find myself enjoying it. It's like a ride and the one controlling it is Axel. I smile as start laughing with him, spreading my arms out for one last spin before land on his bed, panting.

"Don't, ever, do that, again." I pant and he just laughs at me.

"I make no promises." Axel says as his head rests on my fast beating chest. "Sounds like you had fun."

I gulp as soon as I realize how it would look if someone walked in on us. Axel, laying on top of me, on his bed, our faces red and both of us out of breath. My heart starts to pick up speed for a whole 'nother reason. "Y-yeah hahaha."

"Hey, you hungry?" He asks, sits up and freezes. "Fuck." His eyes zero in on my body with a frown. His hand touches my stomach and it's then that I notice my shirt was pushed up, exposing my bruised body. His fingers ghost over my torso and it makes me shiver as his digits trace my abdomen.

He really doesn't have any respect to my personal bubble does he?

His hand stops moving but stays on my stomach lightly. "I'm sorry. I probably hurt you."

"I'm fine!" I say pushing my shirt down, desperately fighting off my blush.

"You don't have to pretend to be tough you know." He says exhaustedly, rolling off of me so he was sitting next to me.

"I'm not." I snap and glance away stubbornly.

I feel him roll his eyes as he says, "And I'm the king of the Spain."

"Your Highness." I say, forcing myself up to stand in front of Axel as I mock bow.

"You're a little shit you know that?" He grins and stands up. "Come peasant, we shall feast on whatever the hell we can find."

We both laugh and leave his room, head to the kitchen and dig around for food. We settle for a bag of chips and some dip that Axel quickly made. "Sorry there really isn't anything here."

"It's fine." I say and munch on a potato chip, eyes looking around his kitchen. My fingers twitch as I am so tempted to use this beautiful room to create something with all the things I found in his cabinets and fridge. "Actually, you have a lot more than you think."

"I do?" Axel asked looking from his seat at the table. "And what would that would be?" He asked with a raised brow.

"That depends." I say and take another chip.

"On?" He asked with a light chortle.

My lips curve into a smirk as I lean a little toward Axel, just close enough to get my point across. "If you trust me enough to make it."

"That's right, you can cook can't you?" I nod. "Alright, I'll try your cooking but on one condition." Axel raises a hand up, sticking his index finger out and grins like a crazy fox. "You let me help you."

I laugh at that and tell him that he could. "Only if you don't mind it taking awhile."

Axel stood up and grabbed my arm, making me wince. He guides me back into the kitchen points to the clock on the range. "Roxas, we have plenty of time before my folks get home. Whatever it is can't possibly take more than an hour."

"No complaining later." I laugh and then help myself to the kitchen, pulling out everything we would need. I laugh again when Axel groans as I dump a sack of potatoes on to the counter. "Start peeling."

* * *

About an hour and a half later, my concoction is just about ready. I set the flame on a low heat just to keep it warm while we clean up our mess.

"Damn it Roxas is it done yet? I'm hungry and that smell soooooo good." Axel complains with a childish pout. His steps in front of the stove and I have to smack his hand away from the hot soup before he burns himself. "Ow." He rubbed his abused hand with a pouty glare.

"No it's not and do you want to burn yourself?" I ask with my back turned toward him.

"No mom." He says, whinnying more and I roll my eyes. He steps up behind me and looks over my shoulder as I busy myself with a new creation. "Now what are you doing?"

"I figure that the baked potato soup will have left overs. If you want it for dinner when I'm gone then why not have a dessert too." I say mixing my ingredients together in a large red bowl.

He stays quiet for a few minutes, minutes that make me feel uneasy. "You want to go already?" He asks with forced chuckle. "Uh, alright I guess, uh to Riku's or Sora's?"

I frown, stop mixing, and turn around. My heart skips so many beats that I think I may die. Axel has this fake smile on his face and it's easy to tell that he is forcing it. His eyes are down cast, but he is still looking at me like I kicked his puppy and stole his kitten. Maybe as if I told him that I killed his pet rock would be a better way to say how sad he looked. But why is his sad? I don't understand him at all and it's kinda driving me nuts because I seriously never thought he would show this to anyone. Hell even this face made him look really hot and dear god I want to kiss him so badly but I know I can't. It sucks so much I wish I could take a time machine and stop him from dating anyone else and just have me and...

Woah! Haha getting a little selfish there. I should really learn how to stop rambling before I say something I'll regret.

"Uh, you don't have to take me if you don't want to." I say feeling guilty for thinking he would want to waste his gas on me. "I'll just call Sora and he'll come get me."

As I try to take a step, Axel moves in my way. "It's not a problem you know. I just thought, well since we're having such a good time that maybe you'd want to stay the night." He rubbed the back if his neck, looking away awkwardly.

"Oh um." I gulp at the thought of staying over at Axel's place. It's one thing to come over but it's another to sleep over. I don't even have anything I would need. No tooth brush, a change of clothes and underwear, no shower crap. Nothing I tell you. I can't be around Axel smelling like a fresh pile of horse shit. Not that I'll actually smell like that over the course of a day. But still, I just can't risk it.

"You don't have to ya know." He said with a defeated sigh. "I get it. We aren't friends and I probably seem really stupid for trying to get you to like me. But just so you know, it's not just because I'm dating Xion. I like you Roxas. You may look like you want to be alone from afar, but once someone gets to know you, it's hard not to like you. You're pretty cool and I can see why you're Xion's best friend. I feel like I can be myself around you. Not just the guy everyone thinks I am."

_'Axel...he likes me.'_ I can't believe what he just said and yet there it was. He said he likes me and can be himself in front of me. He's not just trying to be my friend because of Xion (which stung when he brought up the best friend thing and him dating her again) but because he likes me. My heart soars and I just feel really happy. Happier than I've felt in a long time that my body moves on it's own.

"Roxas?" Axel questions when my arms wrap around his waist, my face buried against his chest as my own body shakes. "Roxas, what's wrong?" He asked apprehensively. Axel put his hands on my shoulders to push me back a little and looked at my face. He chuckled and flicked my forehead. "Brat. Don't worry me like that."

I laugh and hug him again. When he looked at me, I wasn't frowning or crying like he thought I might be. I was smiling from ear to ear with my eyes beaming at him. Axel is just simply amazing. "Don't flick my forehead." I say and he just does it again. "Hey!" I scowl and he chuckles.

"Don't trick me like that again then." He says and ruffles my hair, to which I try to swat his hands away.

"Flick me again and I won't bake those cookies." I say pointing to the bowl behind me.

His pout returns and he is just too adorable for words. "Aw come on Roxas, don't be like that. I was just joking." I turn my back on him, smiling. "Come on Rox, you're still going to make 'em right?" Axel begs, bending his knees while his hands are on my right arm. I hear him whimper and it makes me crack up.

"So is that a yes?" Axel stand back up completely with a victorious smile plastered on his face that it makes me see imaginary dog ears and a tail, wagging away happily.

"Yes yes." I laugh and get back to work as Axel fist pumps.

"Yes!"

So he may not like me like I like him. But you know what, I'll take friendship over not being able to be around him. And who knows what might happen along the road. For now, I'll take what I can get.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone. Sorry this took so long but I have a job now and it's evil cuz I don't have time to write. Anyway (I have no privacy anymore either :() um so I was watching a movie the day after thanksgiving and it gave me an idea that will basically change this story. But not really, just add some things to it that ****_I've_**** never read in fanfics before.**

**Anyway, I changed Roxas last name to Ciel to Wolff and he is no longer French but Norwegian. I wanted to write more than 3k but I know it'll take me forever to post so here this is. Next chapter we get to met Sora's parents and then finally Roxas' parents. Wanna take a guess at who they are?**

**Warning: ****from this point on the story will have have more than just hate on Roxas being bigender and gay for Axel. There will be things on racist (you'll see) and for the holiday parts a sharing of three different celebrations. If you are an ass hat don't bother reading past this chapter when the others are up.**

**Ps: can you guess what movie I watched to give me this idea?**

* * *

Long black hair, almond brown eyes and skin, a thin frame and a lovely face. She is simply beautiful with her large smile as she holds a little bundle in her arms. Beside her is an equally handsome man, short black hair, strong jaw, almond eyes and skin, grinning just as happily as the women. As for the bundle in her arms, fuzzy red hair and creamy pale skin with an excited expression with bright baby emerald eyes. Chubby cheeks spread with the gummy smile on his cute little face. All three of them staring forward.

In the next one, framed to the far right, was the same couple. Only the baby was now a toddler. In the center of the framed photos, was what looked like a newer one. I say this because it held the couple standing behind the much older redhead whom was sitting on a chair with the couple behind him, all smiling. This is Axel's family. Axel was adopted as a baby. As I stand there, in the living room by the fire place, I can't help but stare in aw. I can't imagine why someone would want to give up Axel. But then again, the couple that got him look really pleased to have him.

"Hey Roxas, is it done yet? Roxas? Yo Roxas?" I hear Axel calling from the kitchen but I'm too caught up on the beauty of the family in the pictures to really bother with him. Foot steps sound enter the room, I sense Axel coming up behind me. "There you are. Why didn't you answer...me?...whatcha looking at?" Axel asks.

"Your mother and father are really good looking." I say without even thinking about what I really wanted to ask.

"Oh uh...yeah they're all right." Axel says a little to quietly.

I glance at him to see what was wrong. He's looking away nervously with his cheeks pink. It's as if he forgot about the pictures at all or something else entirely that had to do with them. Raising a brow I ask, "What's wrong?"

Axel glances back and forth from me to the pictures, to the fire place, and then back to me. "You're not...uh weirded out or anything?" He asked timidly.

It really surprises me he would think I would be. It's nothing new honestly. Some people are adopted and there is nothing wrong with that. "Why would I be? It's not anything to be weirded out about...or anything." I say staring into worried green hues.

"So it doesn't bother you?" Axel asks, eyes glancing to the photos and then back to me. "It doesn't bother you that I'm not like my parents?"

My eyes widen in realization. Axel is not worried about me knowing he's adopted. He's worried about who his parents are. My eyes narrow in frustration. How could he think I would have any problem with that?! "I'm not a fucking racist you ass hole!" I growl. "There's nothing wrong with who your parents are and who you are. My god Axel, grow up!"

With that I storm away back into the kitchen, leaving Axel with his beautiful green eyes wide in surprise.

But seriously what an ass hole. Why is he even worried about that in the first place. He should be proud of his parents and not scared of what other people would think. They raised and provided for him. So what the hell? The only time one should be freaked out is if you found out the parents were abusive like mine but...ugh shut up they aren't abusive. But I mean the kind that...damn it all. Just forget it.

As I am growling at myself and checking the soup, I'm turned around and embraced by long arms. My face is pressed firmly against a strong chest that I have to turn my head just so I can breath. I want to yell and push Axel away from me but the shaking of his body and sharp inhalation of breathes cause me to freeze up. He leans forward, burying his face against my shoulder, wetting it with tears.

With baited breath I wrap my arms around his waist, nervously hugging him. "Axel?"

"Did you know that I've stopped inviting people over here? I haven't had someone over since the sixth grade. Not even Xion has come over. They all act like nothing is wrong but then when I'm alone with them or they think I'm not listening; they ask questions like if I'm joking or if I eat a lot of fried chicken because they are my parents. They all pretend to be cool with it but it's all bull shit. It's not that I'm ashamed of them, it's just..." Axel sighed and leaned on my body as his became slack. "I'm really tired of all the lies. All the racist stereotypes. I hate it but I know it's nothing I can escape."

I hold Axel carefully, erasing all my teenage wants away to focus on how he is feeling. Axel has issues with, let's say ignorance. I have that too but it's different from what Axel feels. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I guess I would think the same way if I was in your spot. But most people are asshats and it's just something we all have to deal with."

My words carry more than a double meaning of what we find to be wrong with people. There are so many different types of ignorance in people that it's hard to just narrow it down. Axel chuckles and stands up straight. He quickly wipes his eyes and ruffles my hair as our arms release each other. "So um, if you tell anyone I cried just now you know you're a dead man right?"

I laughed nervously as his narrow eyes glared down at me with seriousness. Gulping, I nod my head and turn back to face the stove. "I won't."

"Good...is it done yet?" Axel whined looking over my shoulder.

Talk about mood swings.

"Yes it's done." I say, turning the stove off. "But it's really hot so you have to let it cool a little."

"But I want some nooooow." Axel whined, plopping his forehead on my shoulder.

I chuckle at his behavior and pat his head. "Fine but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Awesome." Axel chimes, walking to get some bowls from one of the cabinets. I fill them and add some cheese and chopped up bacon on top before handing Axel his bowl. He blows on his spoonful before taking a careful bite, moaning from either burning his tongue or the taste.

"It's really good." He says taking another spoonful after blowing on it.

I take a small bite and blush from Axel moaning again as he ate the food. _'He actually likes my cooking?'_ I think blushing even more because he just got another bowl. How he isn't burning his tongue is beyond me. But as I take another bite of my food, I hear a car pulling up to house.

"Mmm mom's home." Axel says around a mouthful, eyes glancing at the clock. "Must have closed early cuz of the rain."

"Closed early?" I ask, tilting my head curiously.

Let's stop and think. The only things I know about Axel's parents is that they are against everything I'm about. Aka, being anything close to transgender and or any sexuality that isn't heterosexual. And now if I think about it, while people are racist against Axel's parents and possibly Axel himself (meaning they hate Axel because he isn't like them too or some stupid shit) his parents are in the ignorant group against me. Talk about irony.

Axel hummed as he sucked on his spoon. "Mm yeah, mom owns her own restaurant. Ever hear of Tiana's?" I nod. "Her and my dad, Naveen, they opened it up instead of having a honey moon. It was mom's dream so there it is."

I've heard about the place though I've never been there. It's always so crowded that my family could never get in. They never wanted to wait the three hours it would take just to get in. That's how good of a place it is. It's the place my mother wants to have her birthday at but my father and I know it might be hard since they might not even have a reservation list. At least I think not.

"I've heard of it but my family has never gotten past the front door. Always crowded you know?" As I say this, Axel looks at me with disappointment.

"Oh what shame we have here." He said in a way I know he's joking. "How could you not try the place out? I'm hurt by this news." I roll my eyes, trying not to laugh as Axel clutches the spot over his heart. "So wounded that there is only one way to fix this."

The front door opens as I ask, "Oh yeah? And what is that?" I put my bowl on the counter, cross my arms and raise a brow.

Axel chuckled and put his own bowl down. He put his hands on my shoulders and leaned slightly toward me. With a crazied smile and a twinkle in his eyes, Axel chimed, "I will personally see to it that you and your family, however many people, get into that restaurant."

I laugh and shake my head. There's no way he is serious about it right? I mean I know he probably could but why would he? "You're joking right?"

"Nope." He say as a matter of fact, ruffling my hair just as the sound of heels enter the kitchen. "Roxas, I think I want you to be my new best friend."

I swat his hands away, feeling to pangs in my heart. One from the word friend because I want to be more than that. The other because he said best friend. That meant he wants to be closer to me with out actually being in a relationship. Wait, let me rephrase that. He wants to be close as a friend. No benefits here people.

"Axel I'm home- oh hello there." I heard a sweet womanly, authoritative, but kind voice say from behind me. I turn around and see the beautiful women from the picture, standing a little taller than myself in her little green heels. She looks just as nice as her voice let on. Her cheeks are rosy on her fair skin and her hair a little out of place with little drops of fresh rain. "Axel," She chided, "this is surprising. Baby if you were going to have a guest over, the least you could do was call."

Axel blushed from being called baby. He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. "Sorry mom. Uh this is Roxas. Roxas this is my mom, Tiana."

"Nice to meet you." I say as politely as I could, shaking her hand.

"It's a pleasure." She smiles and then sniffs the air. "Mmhm what's that smell?" She asks and walks over to the stove, looking inside. "Baked potato soup?" She asked.

"Oh uh yes ma'am. I'm sorry I used your kitchen without asking." I say nervously. Axel put his hand on my head and began to ruffle my hair again. "Axel stop it." I whine swatting his hand again.

"How do you even get it this spiky?" Axel asked trying to touch my spikes.

"Like you are one to talk Axel. Your head looks like a hedgehog." His mother laughs as she took a spoon to taste the soup. She hummed and faced us. "And it's alright dear but may I make a suggestion?"

I'm fighting with Axel's hands, trying to hold them away from my head. "Yes?" I say grunting from being over powered by Axel's damn arms. He practically has me in a head lock now and is playing with my hair. I can't even tell you how embarrassed I am. One from having Axel touch me and the other from the horse play in front of his mom whom I just met.

"Add a little pepper and it'll be the bee's knees." She says and I say thanks as I am trying to get Axel to stop. I wish I knew what was up with him. It's as if he's never had a friend before. But that's impossible when Axel is really popular and always has people around him. Or is there a difference from having people around you and having actual friends?

Before I could really think on it the front door opened and closed again. Louder foot steps walk toward the kitchen and a voice with a thick French accent asked for Tiana. "Where have you gone?"

"I'm in here Naveen. Axel is too." Tiana replies while mixing in some pepper in the soup. "He brought a friend over too."

"Ugh Axel let me go." I complain trying to get free without cursing at him. I really want to but with what he told me, it would be frowned upon.

"Fine fine." He says and lets me go just as I was about to elbow him in the gut. "Hey dad. This is Roxas, Roxas my dad." Axel introduces again.

"Nice to meet you." I say to the man from the photo. And holy shit, he's just as tall as Axel. It must be something in Tiana's food that makes Axel and his father so tall.

"Pleasure." He says with a wide toothy grin. "Is this your sweet heart?" He asks Axel and I know if we both had drank something, we would be doing spit takes. But really how the hell can he ask that?! I thought they were against homosexuality. "She is quite lovely."

Oh...huge face palm and I'm not even in my skirt.

"Wha- dad no. It's not what you think." Axel says quickly while Tiana giggles and shakes her head. She gave me an apologetic look and I just blush.

"How can it not? Look at her and look at what she wears." He says with a wink. And now I feel like Axel has lied to me about them. I feel like he just wanted me out of that skirt.

"Sir I'm not-"

"And why have we not met sooner?" He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. My face pales as a shiver of disgust ran down my spine. Now don't get me wrong, Axel's dad is handsome, it's just-creepy to be kissed on the hand. If Axel did it, well he would have a nice bruise on his face.

Axel looks horrified from the action, he quickly yanks me from Naveen and holds me almost protectively. The man chuckles and I can hear him winking. "See, how can this not be your Evangeline?"

What does he mean by that? Who the hell is Evangeline! I swear if Axel is cheating on Xion I'll kill him!

"For the last time! Roxas isn't like that to me!" Axel's heart is pounding against my ear. It's either from rage, embarrassment, or something more.

Don't give your hopes up fool. Of course it's rage. He just raised his voice at his father. And embarrassment because he doesn't have feelings for you. It's just a normal reaction that a guy or even a girl would have if their friend was accused of being special without the accuser stopping...I really hate you brain.

"Look how you hold her." Naveen teases some more and in that moment, I'm quickly thrown, landing on the ground, on my back.

The three gasp as I groan from the pain. In an instant Tiana is by my side, helping me to sit up while my back cries in protest. I glare up at Axel's fearful eyes. I've had enough abuse for one day. I want to get out of here now. Sure his parents are kind and the man was only teasing, but to be pushed away like that hurt more than when Axel said Xion was special.

"You alright dear?" Tiana ask as She and Naveen help me up.

"I'm fine." I say trying not to snap at them. "If it's alright, I'd like to go see if my clothes are done drying."

Wait did we dry them or did we leave them on the floor in his bathroom? Damn it all, I guess I'll find out once I go look. Though I have feeling they are still on his floor.

"Oh of course dear." Tiana says and shoots Axel a look. "We need to talk to Axel anyway."

"Thank you." I say and limp away. Oh yay limping again. Just wait, if I'm limping on Monday Seifer will have a field day. I still need to kick his ass.

"Naveen."

"Yes?"

"Roxas is a boy." I hear Tiana say sternly to her husband when I'm a few feet away from the kitchen.

"What?!" He yelps.

It's the last thing I hear as I enter Axel's room and look for my clothes. And I was right, they're on the bathroom floor. Sighing, I pick them up and feel their slight dampness. "I wanna go home."

Well not really. I just want to curl up in my bed and do nothing else. You can't do that at a new friend's house. You can't even do that at family's house without them thinking you are lazy. Aka Sora's place. Which is where I should he right now. Not here with Axel, the man I want to get close to but know I can't since he is dating my best friend. Why does life have to hate me so much this year?

Shutting my eyes, my mind wanders to how I could have just said no to Axel. I should have just went with Sora to Riku's house. But then again Axel hasn't really done anything bad. He just unknowingly hurts me. I'm so tired right now. I just want to sleep. Axel's bed looks so inviting that I just drop my clothes and roam to his bed. I crawl on it, ignoring how much it smelt like him, and just plop right on it. It's really soft but perfectly firm beneath my aching body. It must be one of those foam mattresses or whatever they're called. The only thing I do know is that I'm drifting off.


	7. Chapter 7

Warmth was the first thing I felt when my mind woke from dreamless sleep. The sound of hard rain, hitting the window was the next thing I heard, along with the roar of thunder, screaming loudly above the roof tops. My eyes snapped open when the sound of rain got harder against the window. I rolled over onto my back, staring into the dark room with the only light being the flashes of lightening flare through the window.

I sit up, looking around the unfamiliar room with dismay. It's not my room and these aren't my clothes. It was then I remembered that I fell asleep in Axel's bed. Glancing down at my lap, I noticed my waist was covered in a soft, thick, green blanket_. __'How long have I been sleeping?'_I pondered, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

The lightening flashed with another roar of thunder, lighting my way to the door. Though I stopped in my tracks because I feel really awkward about just taking a nap in Axel's bed with his parents here. I mean it's not like I would nap if they weren't here, it's just kinda rude to me to do something so wrong. It's as if I've already made myself at home when I've just became friends with Axel and just met his parents.

I feel so much shame right now. And it's getting hard for me to walk down the hall to where the dim lights are at. My steps are careful and silent as I force myself to get closer to the living room. There, I can only see one shape sitting on the couch, facing away from me. It may not be that bright but I know those red spikes anywhere.

I lick my chapped lips and approach the couch, placing my hand on the back of it as I go around it. "Axel?" I ask curiously.

He snapped his head up at me and smiled. He put his phone away in his pocket and smirks as he took in my, probably mess, hair. "Hey sleepy head, have a nice nap?" He asked with a chuckle and I can't help but blush.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to knock out like that." I say, rubbing the back of my neck and glance away awkwardly. I feel really stupid for doing that. Have I mentioned that already? Yes? Okay good, because I just want to make sure we are all clear on that.

"That's alright. So the powers out and there's a flash flood warning coming through. I had to shut the alarm up on my phone since I keeps going off. Annoying little fuck." Axel said, leaning back against the couch.

So rain, thunder, lightening, and flash flood warnings mean what exactly? Oh that's right. I can't leave now! Damn it all to hell! I want to get out of here. The power is out and it's dark outside, what am I supposed to do until morning? Ugh, I can't even remember why I wanted to leave in the first place.

Groaning, my body slams itself onto the couch, just a few inches from where Axel is sitting. My face falls into my hands and it takes all my will power to just not scream bloody murder from how this day has been going. It sucks and I just want to curl up in a right ball. God I hate everything right now.

Axel sighed, "I'm sorry. I know you probably wanted to leave but, I don't really want to drive in this weather."

"I don't blame you. It's not like you can control the weather." I said jokingly, throwing my arms up in the air in a weird gesture to the angry clouds above.

Axel chuckled and ruffled my already messy hair. His hand feels really nice, I just want to lean into. I can't let him know that so I swat his hand away while shooting him a scowl. He just smiles and pulls out his phone again, moving his thumbs quickly while his smile grows.

"Xion?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"Yeah haha. She's complaining about how it's not fair that she can't have fun today." Axel tittered, his happiness reaching his eyes.

I have to look away because it sucks to know that I can't make him look like that. It just proves to me even more that he is as straight as a ruler and will never have any interest in me what so ever. Maybe I should just give up now and save myself some pain. Why go after a guy that will never even slightly find me attractive? Why couldn't I have been born with boobs and female genitals? Then Axel would at least look at me.

I groan and rest my face in my hands, thinking of putting my wet skirt back on just to prove a point to myself. If his dad can see me as a girl while I'm not trying to be, then maybe Axel can too? But would it be wrong to try and trick him when he knows I'm not female and that indeed have a dick. It's not that I'm regretful for being born with it, in fact I'm more than grateful seen as how I never have to have a period. No offense but that's just sick. I feel bad for all women kind that have to go through all that...

Son of a whore I'm rambling again. Ugh I'm sorry...just blame Axel for everything, okay? Fucking hell I'm annoyed now.

"Son of a bitch..."

"Roxas, you alright?" Axel put his on my shoulder and had a brow raised. "You're talking to yourself about bitches? Who's a son of bitch?"

_'Shit, shit, shit! How much did he hear? Oh crap. Okay, calm down Roxas, just calm down._' I take a deep breath and just laugh it off.

"I'm just thinking. Sora still has my clothes and well, I don't want to just take your clothes." I say, scratching my cheek.

"Oh about that." Axel stood up and motioned for me to follow him. He leads me into another part of the house that I hadn't already seen. A small room that was connected to the kitchen by a door. I honestly thought it was a cabinet.

Don't look at me like I'm stupid. I've seen houses like that. And I've embarrassed myself enough from thinking it was just another room.

Anyway, the door led to a small room that held the washer and dryer. The latter being the one Axel opened up. He pulled out some clothes and handed them to me. The only thing I could do was stare at him blankly. It's obvious he washed and dried my clothes; what I don't understand was why he went out of his way to do so. I guess it was to be kind but he really didn't have to do it.

"Nice and warm." He chuckled, closing the dryer door up. "Though you can't exactly wear the skirt until my folks leave, but at least you'll have something to wear until I can get you to Sora's tomorrow."

With a smile I say, "Thank you." It's all I could really even get out of my mouth as I hugged the warm clothes to my body. My eyes suddenly feel really sleepy from the heat radiating from the gesture. Would it be so bad to go back to his room and sleep the rest of the day away? Would it be so bad if he joined me in his bed, arms wrapped around my waist as if he didn't want to lose something important? It sounds really nice but we all know it won't happen.

"No problem. Hey, if you're hungry, I could try to fix you something up. We kinda ate all the soup while you slept." He says sheepishly.

My heart thumps, beating against my insides with excitement. He really liked something that my own two hands made for him. I'm over joyed by the news. Axel, why must you keep making me fall for you when I shouldn't be?

"I'm not really hungry. I'm actually sleepy." I say while failing to fight off the yawn that forced it's way out, while I was in the middle of saying it.

Axel chuckled and guided me back to his room without a word. With the power still out and the house being as quiet as it is, I can't help but wonder where Axel's parents are. "Where exactly are your parents at, anyway?"

"Sleeping. Yeah this early but that's because they open the restaurant early. Oh yeah, mom can't thank you enough for cooking dinner." Axel snickers, putting a hand on my back while we enter his room. "She said it was less work for her and that she could just eat and sleep."

"It must be hard for them to own the place and still have come home just to cook more and then sleep without anything else to do." I say and put my clothes on top of his dresser for later. "I can't even imagine what it must be like."

Axel hummed from behind me. "They love it. I haven't once heard them complain about it. They have days off just like the staff. My mom has trust in all her employes. They know how to handle things when she needs a few days off her feet. Which she spends getting a massage and going on dates with dad."

"That doesn't sound to bad." As I turn around, my eyes widen and my jaw drops. Axel was practically naked, being only in tight black boxers that really doesn't leave anything to the imagination. I mean come on! His legs are long and just perfectly toned as are his arms and torso. His ass, which by the way I see when he turned around, was just fine as hell. His back was just as nice as his abs and chest. And before anyone asks, yes I saw his package and it makes me, not only nervous, but self-conscious too.

Without a moments hesitation, my body spins back around so I don't have to stare at that teasing bastard that doesn't know what he is doing to me. Oh man, in these shorts, I can't hide something that would make him either make fun of me, or get mad at me.

"I'm gonna shower." He says, stalking toward me where is clothes are. I gulped and turn my back to him again just as he steps beside me. My face is burning so I know I'm not only hard, I'm blushing. And by the way, I forgot to mention that Axel lite some candles when we came in. Sorry but I'm really crappy with details when it comes to explaining either lights or Axel's body.

"Alright." I choke out.

His hand touches my shoulder while his voice is full of concern. "Hey, you alright?" Afraid to speak, I nod my head. After a few seconds Axel removes his hand and snaps his fingers. "Oh! I know what it is. Seen me like this make you uncomfortable because you have uh that girl side. Oh man, I'm sorry." He says and chuckles nervously.

That's not really a bad analysis. I didn't even think about it since I was getting eyeful of my crush. So let's just go with that to get rid of my awkwardness. "Sorry." I say glancing over my shoulder. And it might be just the trick of the light, but I think Axel is blushing. He is looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. But not enough so I can't see how bad he looks on my behalf.

Why does he have be so awesome? Why does he have to be adorable and a badass at the same time? Why hasn't he ever shown this side at school before? I know he's walked around naked at school on a dare and he didn't once give this look when the girls saw him. That was of course the day I hid my face so I couldn't see but when he had his clothes back on, he had a blank face on and told his friend to pay up. No apology to anyone that saw him in all his glory.

Damn it. I should have looked but I didn't really like him at the time so I didn't want to see the jackass's body. Stupid past self. Stupid school.

"Anyhow, yeah I'm gonna go shower." He repeated, grabbing some clothes. He turned on his heel and went in the bathroom. The last thing I saw from looking over my shoulder was the swing of a towel.

Towel? So that's why he turned around. Or I want to believe that's why he turned around so I could see his ass. I really, really, really, need to stop thinking of what I just saw and focus on something else.

Like, for example, Axel being completely naked while warm, steamy water rains down on his muscles. Every inch of him glowing with the gloss the water provides. His hands running over his body with soap, slicking up and holy shit!

I squeeze my eyes shut and chew on my lip as my legs became weak. I almost let out a sound of pleasure from my hand unconsciously rubbing myself from the outside of Axel's shorts. I jerk my hand away and slap myself away from the thoughts. I can't believe what I was doing. In his room and with him only a door away from me.

I quickly blew out the candles, making it as dark as possible with only the lightening blaring in. Within seconds, I crouch down and curl up in a ball, rocking on my heels, hands on my ears as if I could block out the lingering thoughts. It was working because the only thing I could focus on was the pounding of my heart and roar of thunder. It was as if Thor was in a fierce battle up above.

I like marvel, so yes I'm going to say Thor is the cause of each thunder storm because I can. I mean come on, it's fun to think things like this. Can you picture him, up above, fight Loki in another battle, while The other avengers sit back and watch the show? No? Okay fine whatever. Call me whenever they show finally show or mention The Joker in Gotham...yes I know that's Batman and DC...sorry. Okay so next thine I get off of track, I have say something embarrassing about myself so we'll be even. Deal? Deal.

And with another loud slam of his mighty hammer, the door to the bathroom opened with dim light from the dozens of candles lit by Axel, flaring up his silhouette. I yelped and fell out of my tiny ball, almost landing on my back. My arms got to the ground so I'm leaning on them while staring up at Axel. I can't read his face as the light wasn't letting me see it.

"Roxas, hey, you okay buddy?" He asked, stepping over to me. Another growl of thunder made me yelp. "Are you afraid of storms?" He asked in disbelief.

"No." I say but I know I didn't sound convincing. I'm honestly not afraid of them. In fact, I love them. From the way they sound to the way the air smells. If I could, I'd run outside right now and embrace it. Be damned if I get struck by lightening or sick from the cold. It's my favorite kind of weather.

"You don't have to pretend you know. It's alright to be scared." Axel chuckles, offering me a hand.

I take it and don't even bother to respond to the comment. The ass is making fun of me. "Can I just go sleep on the couch, or the floor, or where ever now, please?"

Axel rubbed the back of his head and looked around the room. His figure shrugged as he walked to his bed and sat down. "Look, I'm not sure where to put you. I mean I've slept at people's houses before and usually I slept on the floor or where I just dropped. I guess I didn't think this through completely. Asking you to spend the night while you actually want to leave. Yet it just so happens, you're stuck here. I would say the bed but my folks might get the wrong idea if we share."

"Oh my god." I groaned and grab a pillow from his bed, throwing it on the floor. "There, I've decided for us." I snap, feeling how I used to feel when I couldn't stand the sight of him.

Axel snorted, catching my moodiness. "Hey, you can leave still. I only said you're stuck here because there is no way in hell I'm driving you. You can go walk in the storm for all I care."

I glare at him though I know he can't really see it. Damn it all, why do I have to like him so much even when he is a jackass. I can't stay mad at him and yet at the same time I'm just really stubborn. "Fine." I grumble, walking to his dresser to grab my clothes.

"Fine." He snaps back and lays back on his bed.

"Alright then." I say going into the bathroom to change back into my clothes.

"Okay." Axel grumbles when I close the door.

I angrily strip his clothes off of myself as quickly get dressed. When I open the door, Axel is standing in front of me, blocking my path. "Move."

"Are you really going to go walking right now?" He questioned me, a brow raised. The lights from the bathroom illuminated his handsome face.

"What do you care." I snap, pushing past him to get to my shoes.

"Quit being so damn stubborn and just get some sleep. I'll take you tomorrow and that will be that." Axel groans, following behind me.

"I'd rather leave now. I honestly don't know what Xion sees in you." I taunt as I tie my shoes.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Axel hisses from above me.

"Meaning she can do better." I say with a smirk.

It's a lie. Nobody can be better than Axel. It's just a matter of not being good enough for him. Not that Xion isn't, it's just I rather she be dating someone who isn't Axel. It would be easier on me and my stupid feelings toward him. He is everything I want and I can see there's more than what meets the eye. Some side of him that he's kept from everyone at school and possibly himself.

"And who would that be? You?" Axel cackled and sat back on his bed, crossing his legs and arms. "You're just jealous. She's dating me and you can't stand to see us together.

He's right but not in the way he thinks. I'm jealous of my friend being with him. But the thought of dating Xion myself made me want to vomit. "She's my best friend and like a sister to me. I want nothing more than to see her happy. I just don't want her to be with someone who might let his anger get the best of him just because she snaps at him."

Axel was silent for a long time, I thought he might have just fallen asleep. It wasn't until I moved toward the door did he say something.

"So this was like a test?" He asks and I'm just dumbfounded by how he thinks that. "You wanted to be sure I don't hurt her." Axel stated rather than asked. He chuckles and walks over to me, his large hand ruffling my hair as he pulls me in a light hug. "You're a really good friend to her and a hell of an actor."

"Huh?" That's all I can think as he guides me back to the bed and sits me down.

"You can sleep there tonight. I'll take the floor." Axel ruffles my hair again before he went out the hall, probably to get more blankets.

"What the hell just happened?"

* * *

"Roxas!" My Aunt yells happily when she sees me exit Axel's car. She pulls me to her and I groan from having her hug me.

"Rapunzel, let me go." I say, trying to struggle from her tight hold. "I can't breath."

She giggles and just hugs me closer to her chest. "But it's been so long. And Sora told us what happened with the clothes. I've cleaned themfor you so you can change if you want when you get inside."

"Roxas, oh hey Axel." Sora says from behind his mom. "Did Roxas behave himself?" My cousin laughs and I just want to hit him.

Axel chuckles. "Let's just say Roxas is a pretty good person. And that everyone he's friends with is lucky to have him."

"Awwww that's so cute." Rapunzel says while finally letting me.

I gasp for air and lightly push her away from my personal bubble. She laughs and slides a strand of her short brown hair behind her ear. Her green eyes bright and full of life as she looks from me to Axel. "Where's Flynn?" I ask the women.

"Right here." Said man says, coming out of the house with his brown hair looking tamed. His brown eyes look to Axel and then to my skirt. He smirks and pats my shoulder. "Finally got a boyfriend?"

My eyes bug out as Sora just burst out with laughter. I hear Axel mutter under his breath, saying not again as I glare at my Uncle. "This is Axel. He's Xion's boyfriend." I growl and both adults laugh.

"Jealous?" Rapunzel giggles.

"For fucks sake! I'm not fucking jealous!" I bark and storm into the house hold.

Let me explain something. Now I have respect for my aunts and uncles, my real ones, but not these two. Rapunzel is actually my mom's cousin, in turn making her mine as well. But I say they are my Aunt and Uncle because I find it weird to have them be older than me while Sora is my age. So that's how it is. And no matter which way you put it, Sora will always be my cousin. What was my point again? Oh right, that's why I can still give them attitude.

So what am I doing now? I'm going to Sora's room to change out of these clothes. I don't even know what am right now. I guess I'm nothing. So unisex clothes, here I come.

* * *

**Okay so we just met Sora's parents :3. Notice that no FF characters are parents. Lol so I don't know when I'll finally show Roxas interact with his own but just know that this chapter took me awhile to write. :/ so much writer's block. Oh and those who read mates and Mayhem...I'm sorry but is on a hiatus for now. It's like I know where I want to go with it, but no words for it :( I'm sorry. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. PS. I hate the editing on this thing again -.-**


	8. Chapter 8

"Sooooo?"

"So what?" I ask my cousin. It's been an hour since I got dropped off and since Axel had left. When I went inside in my own rage, Sora filled me in on what went on outside.

Apparently, Rapunzel and Flynn made Axel feel really uncomfortable, by asking him questions about our "relationship." Of course Sora couldn't stop laughing because he's never seen Axel get all freaked out before. He did however, got his parents to stop and explained to them that just because I'm bigender, doesn't mean I'm bisexual.

I've told them that before but they never listen. But with Sora, they believe whatever he says. They're just lucky he has an honest heart and doesn't lie unless he has too. I'm pretty sure most teens would take advantage of this and do whatever they wanted. For example, if it were me, Id stay out all night and when I came home I would just say I was at a friend's house and forgot to call. When in reality, I'd be at the park, enjoying my own thoughts. The fact of the matter is, Sora never does things like that.

Where was I? Or right, Sora getting his parents to leave Axel alone. Well after that, Axel thanked Sora and then took off as if his ass was on fire.

So here we are, sitting on Sora's bed. Well I'm laying down and Sora is sitting with my legs on his lap. The chilly weather coming from his window made me shiver and wiggle my toes to give them some blood flow. Sora stared down at me with curiosity in his bright baby blues as he pokes at one of my legs.

"Well, how was it over there? I've heard no one ever gets to go to Axel's house. What's he hiding? Is he like really poor or really rich? But he doesn't want anyone to know because then he would have even more people all over him?" Sora asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose as if scratching an itch.

"If nobody ever goes over, then why me? I mean he told me how he doesn't invite anyone over but, I'm still not exactly sure why I got to go." I say while staring up at the smooth ceiling. I really hate popcorn ceilings, they usually get all over the floor and then you get them in your food and ugh.

"Are you listen to me?" Sora asks, whacking my leg. I tilt my head so I was looking at him. I raise a brow and he scowls at me for a second. "What exactly goes on in your head? You're always spacing out."

I shrug and sit up, crossing my legs and poking at Sora's cheek. "Just tell me what you were saying so we can ignore the fact that my mind likes to drift off."

Sora smiles and starts pinching my cheeks to make me look like I'm smiling. "I was saying that maybe it's because you're Xion's best friend and he wants to show you that he means no harm."

I reach out and do the same to him, so now we are both forced to make stupid faces at each other. This is actually one of the many reasons why Sora is my other best friend. Even if he is family, I can talk to him about things that Xion would never understand. And because he is a apart of my family, he knows me better than anyone. Maybe I should tell him how I feel about Axel? Sora is trust worthy but am I really ready to tell him this?

I pull my hands away from his face and as if sensing my change in mood, Sora let go of my face. "Sora, can I trust you?"

Sora's brows furrowed, eyes scanning my face as if searching for something. "Did he do something to you?" Sora asked with such a dark voice that I fear for anyone who gets on his bad side.

I take Sora's hands and shake my head. Axel didn't do anything purposely. He didn't know he was causing my heart to race a mile a minute. He didn't know he was making realize how jealous I am of Xion. It's not his fault because he doesn't know. "He didn't. I just...I need to know that you won't freak out on me or shun me away." I say with a sad smile.

Sora frowned and flicked my forehead. I scowl and rub the spot he hit. "Don't ask stupid questions. I would never do that to you Roxas. You're like a brother and a sister to me."

Hearing Sora say that made me smile. He has no clue how good it feels to know that he didn't just say brother. He really does accept me for who I am. I mean sure he's always said that he does, but this just shows how true that is. I have to sniffle because I'm on the brink of tears from how happy I am. "Soooora!" I whine, clinging on to him like a little kid.

"Roxas?" Sora asked with worry in his voice. He pets my head while I just cry on him. "Roxas, it's okay. I'm here for you."

I shake my head and sniffle. "Thank you. You really have know idea how happy you've made me. I could kiss you." I joke and that's when Sora pushes me away. I can't help but laugh at the disgusted look on his face.

"You weirdo." He laughs and lays next to me. "So, what did you want to tell me?"

I sigh and roll onto my side so I'm facing him. Our eyes meet and I can tell that Sora knows how nervous I am. "It's okay, you can tell me Roxas."

I nod and take a deep breath. My cheeks flare up in color as I open my mouth to tell Sora my secret. Though I don't even know if he'll be able to hear me over the beating of my heart. "Sora, I uh." I lick my lips and try not to panic from how hard this really is. And if I think about it, if it's this hard to tell Sora, then how will I ever tell Axel? I doubt I ever will.

"You can do it Roxas. Remember, I'm here for you no matter what you have to say." Sora said, trying to encourage me.

"Thanks." I say, trying to steady my breathing. "I kinda like...I-I like Ax...Axel." I let out a heavy breath after finally getting it out in the open. It feels really good to get it off of my chest.

"You like Axel? As in the way I like Kairi or as in the way I like Riku?" Sora asks, shifting around so he was on his side.

"Kairi." I say lowly, my cheeks a blood red. Sora just had to ask that question. He couldn't have said okay and then we could go on with life. But noooo he had to ask to be sure. Damn it all, I want to go hide in my room.

"So how long have you felt this way?" Sora asked and I was seriously just taken aback.

"Wait, what?" I ask, sitting up to stare down at my cousin. "What do you mean?"

Sora rolled his eyes and sat up. "I mean how long have you liked him? Ya know, since Kairi, Namine? Larxene, or when he started to date Xion?"

Oh that's what he meant. I guess my mind is really slow right now. Well I know when I've started to like him but how would that make me look? Liking my friend's boyfriend. Well I guess it wouldn't make me look bad, seen as how a lot of friends end up liking their friend's current girlfriend or boyfriend. Though they end up trying to steal them and end up cheating and ruining friendships. I can't do that to any of my friends because they mean so much to me. Bros before hoes, even if Axel is one sexy ass hoe...I'm really fucked up.

"Since Laxene." I say looking at my lap. "I honestly used to hate him. But I don't exactly remember when that changed. I just know I like him and after spending time with him, I realized that I really, really, like him."

"Does anyone else know?" Sora asks in a whisper.

"Just you and me." I fall back on the bed, groaning as I curl up in a ball. "But I can't do anything because he is dating Xion and even if he was dating one of the others, I still wouldn't be able to do anything. Even if I did, Axel is straighter than the gayest man on earth. As in, he's the straightest man on earth."

Sora pulls me into his arms, and rubs my back, silently. I'm really happy he isn't pushing me away like I'm a some sort of freak. I know now that Sora is the one to go to when things get rough. He'll be here and there for me.

Later that evening, Sora and I ended up playing video games. All talk about Axel and how I felt about him ceased. Though I could tell Sora wanted to help me, we both decided it was best to keep quiet incase Rapunzel and Flynn tried to listen in. It wouldn't be the first time. They are really noisy, it's like they don't have their own lives so they need to hear what goes on in ours.

The only person who doesn't do that is my aunt. She likes her privacy though it took her while to find anyone to spend her life with because of this. I heard she finally got pregnant too. Oh and she is my mom's sister. Anyway, she found someone like her but a little more out going, which is perfect for her. They bring good to each other and I forgot my point because Sora just shanked my to death on GTA V.

"Damn it Sora!" I yell into the microphone of the head set. I may have forgotten to tell you, but sora has two ps3s so I'm playing in one room and he is playing in another. We're play online, but we were supposed to be a team. "Why'd you do that?"

Sora laughs and drives off when I respond in the game. "You were spacing out again, so I had to do something to get your attention." He says and drives back, shooting at me.

"Damn it Sora, knock it off." I say while aiming at the car, getting a head shot.

"Hey!" He shouts.

"It's war Sora." I say cheekily.

"You're on." Sora says with an excited yet, mischievous tone.

But just before we could really get into our war, Rapunzel called me to the living room. So Sora and I stopped playing and wandered to the living room. I gasp from the sight of my parents sitting there. My father with his short blond hair, light brown eyes, and strong chin. Beside him was my mother, her beautiful orange hair and bright blue eyes with a beautiful smile on her face. Both looking in my direction when they heard me make a sound.

"Mom, dad, what are you doing here?" I ask while standing really close to Sora.

"We've come to take you home of course." My dad says, eyes looking over my clothes. "Glad to see you in pants." He said teasingly.

"Kristoff, stop being mean." My mom smacked his arm while smiling.

"Anna, guess what." Rapunzel said, getting my mom's attention. "Roxas has a really good looking boy friend. Oh I mean friend." The women giggles.

"Really?" My mom looks really surprised as I try to hide behind Sora now. I don't know how they'll feel about me liking Axel, a man.

"Moms I told you, Axel is our friend and the boyfriend of Xion." Sora said, defending me from them. "And I told you, Roxas isn't bi just because he's er bi."

They all laugh and I just want run my head through the wall. "Thanks." I whisper while burying my face in the back of Sora's shirt. I know he's trying but I doubt it's working. Adults are all ass holes.

"Okay so, how about you guys stay for dinner?" Flynn says to change the topic. "What would be the point in going home now just to cook yourselves?"

"That would be great. Anna isn't the best of cooks." My dad jokes.

"Hey!" My mom glares at him. "That's not fair, don't compare me to Roxas." She says with a pout.

"I like your cooking mom." I say timidly, poking my head out from behind Sora's shoulder. She smiles at me and stands up.

So there are times my parents can be complete dicks to me and then there are times where they actually act like loving parents. I've said this before haven't I? Eh who cares. If they are going to be nice to me than I'm going to milk it while I can.

My mom walks over to us with her arms extended out. I move around Sora and accept her warm embrace. I miss her hugs. She's always made me feel safe. I just wish she and my dad stayed this way. I wish I never told them I was both. Then they wouldn't be ass holes to me. I always regret a lot of things but at the same time I don't. Does that make sense?

"Thank you Roxas." My mom says, petting my head. "My good boy." She cooed.

So she only called me a boy. But I know they still need time to get used to the idea. "You're embarrassing me mom." I say, pulling away from her.

"So dinner?" My dad asks, walking out of the room, followed by the other adults.

"Sora?"

"Yeah Roxas?"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to tell them. Let alone Axel himself."

* * *

**Shorter chapter with really nothing going. But I wanted you guys to meet Roxas parents. Next chapter, I promise, more Axel and Roxas bonding. But I will have to take a break because I need to research things for the chapter after next. :3 thanks for reading guys.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Happy 8 13!, A/N at the end.**

* * *

Have you ever just woke up one day and couldn't open your eyes because you're just so damn sleepy; but you can't get back to sleep so you force yourself to get up, knowing you have to go to school in a few hours for about seven hours. And when you get done with that you get to go home but you still have crap to do: homework, chores, shower if you didn't in the morning, and then eat to live. All before your head can finally hit the pillow. But then you find that sleep is still next to impossible, which makes you even more tired for the next day which just repeats itself.

That's been my entire week. If I add up the amount of sleep I think I got since Sunday night, it would be about maybe twenty-two hours in total. Sure it sounds like a lot, but we're talking about five days that split those hours.

I digress, it's not really important anyway. It's not like I'm not thinking about Axel or how Sora now knows that I like him and keeps giving me sad looks whenever Axel puts his arm around Xion. Nope, I haven't been thinking about that in the very least...

Okay, I'm lying. I wish wasn't thinking about any of that. I wish I hadn't told Sora about my feelings and I wish I didn't like Axel the way I do. He's something else. I don't know. We've gotten closer over the last few weeks, since I stayed over at his place that one night. It's gotten to the point where we can call ourselves friends and not just Xion's boyfriend or best friend.

"Roxas, are we gonna do anything or are you just going to keep glaring at me all day?" Sighs the redhead sitting at my computer desk, leaning back against the chair at five in the morning!

Remember what I asked about not opening your eyes and such? Well, today it's Axel's fault I'm up so early and can't get back to sleep. I could be sleeping (or trying to) for a few extra hours, but noooo Axel had to come to my house and find his way here. Normally I would be squealing about him being in my room, but as I said I'm really sleepy. I don't even know how he got in the house let alone know which room was mine, or why he was even here.

When I didn't answer him, Axel huffed and leaned forward. "Not a morning person I take it? Well that's got to change. How else will we explore the great outdoors at this time of the day?" He asks, expanding his arms around the room.

"It's not going to change and I'm going back to sleep." I grumble, laying myself back down, with my back facing the crazy redhead. "How'd you even get in here?" I ask off handedly.

He hummed as if he really needed to think about it. "Hmm, well, let me think. Ah yes, I remember it like it was yesterday-"

"It was a few minutes ago." I growl, throwing myself up into a sitting position.

"Ah yes, like it was yesterday." He repeats, ignoring me. "Now let's see, I woke up, got ready, and drove here. Your dad was leaving for work, I guess, and let me. Oh yeah, he said to tell you you're not allowed to your boyfriend over so early." Axel chuckles with a shrug.

My face could not have been redder than it was now. And Axel was laughing about it! How can he be so calm about that?! I'm freaking out and I want to hide in a hole. In fact, I just so happen to be pulling my blanket over my head.

"So does that mean you have a boyfriend Roxas? We should double date. Do that stupid couples thing you know? What do ya say?" And with that I want to slam my head into the wall.

"I don't have a boyfriend!" I cry, yanking the blanket off my head. "He's joking around with you."

Axel raises a brow, looking at me as if I had two heads. His eyes slowly bug out, realization finally hitting him. "That's hilarious! Hahahaha he thinks I'm your boyfriend?"

"Sh-shut up." I stutter out, my face burning from embarrassment while my heart throbs in pain. He's laughing at the idea and it proves I have no chance with him. I want him to leave so I can dramatically throw myself at my pillow and sob, like Yet he's still here, trying to calm himself down.

"Oh man, sorry but you have to admit it's funny. Then again, if you were a girl...ah well you know what I mean, I guess he'd think the same thing huh?" Axel questions, true wonder in his voice.

"Can you just please shut up and go away? It's bad enough he thinks that, but for you to just laugh about it, it makes things worse." I blurt out without thinking about my words. My eyes widen and my hands fly to cover my mouth, while fear runs through my body.

"What'd you mean worse?" He asks, green orbs staring at me questionably. "Roxas what's up? Come on you can tell me." He says gently, his hand reaching out, hesitating over my own before going to my shoulder.

"It's nothing. T-teasing and I don't mix is all." I chew my lip and think of a way to get away from the subject of why he was unconsciously making my heart race. "So what are you doing here again?"

Axel pulls his hand away, leaning back in his seat with a grin. "I came to take you to breakfast. If you recall I've never really had a friend like you. Like you as in a good person no-not uh ya know um." He panics and rubs the back of his head.

I chuckle at his awkward behavior. I love how he gets flustered over the matter. He really is trying to be sensitive but maybe a little too sensitive. "Axel, I told you it's alright. I appreciate that you care and all but I don't want to make you uncomfortable with this. Xion and everyone had time to get used to it, so don't feel pressured. I understand."

My redheaded friend sighs, looking down guiltily. "Yeah I know you've told me. I just don't wanna screw this up."

"You're not going to screw up and even if you do I doubt I won't want to be friends anymore." _'Because I want to be more than that.'_

Axel is so cute sometimes. I still wonder if anyone else has seen this side of him. I never brought it up to Xion because I'm not sure if Axel wants anyone to know. At school he's still his cool guy self. The popular, smart, athletic, badass of the school. But when it's just me around he is nothing but a whining teenager, being careful with what he says and how he acts. If this is how he is with me, then how is he with Xion? Is he the same or is he different?

"What are you smiling about?" Axel laughs, flicking my forehead. His smile glowing like a thousand suns burning in the morning sky.

Yes, I know that was cheesy but can you even fathom how nice his smile is? Pearly white canines that reach his dreamy eyes. So can you blame me for being, well, cheesy?

"N-nothing." I laugh, stumbling over my words. With no point in trying to sleep again, I swing my legs over the bed and stretch my arms and back. With a satisfied pop, I get up and go to my dresser for some clothes. "So breakfast?"

"Chup, so get your ass dressed. I'll be waiting outside when you're done." Axel says and gets up from the chair. But before he left his eyes gave me a once over.

I quickly face away. The heat radiating from face was enough to make me sick. Why does he have to have this effect on me with just a simple glance? I gulp and face him once more, my cheeks still burning with heat. "You can just hang here or in the living room. I still gotta shower and shit."

"You have to shit Roxas?" Axel chuckles, a hand going over his mouth to hide his stupid grin.

I gasp, and feel my face flush from the embarrassment of what came out of my mouth. That wasn't what I meant to say, honest. It just came out like that. I'm used to saying stupid things like that so it slipped out without my knowledge. Damn it all to hell. "That's not what I meant!" I bark, my body tensing with mini rage.

And all Axel did was laugh at me, his arms wrapping around his waist. I swear this guy was easily amused by my embarrassment. Like last week for example. There I was, minding my own business, sitting under a tree during lunch, my friends joining me under the shade. The autumn leaves changing color, above and beneath us. I was wearing a new skirt, one that Kairi bought for me a few days ago. And out of the no where, I hear my name being called. I gazed around the area, staring at all the other little groups of people, and finding nobody looking in my direction.

Sora asked me what was up and I told him I heard my name being called. He said I was hearing things so we all went back to what we were doing. I was offered some soda and just as I was about to take a sip, Seifer jumped out from behind the tree and scared the shit outta me. Now it would have been fine if that was all that happened. Nope, karma or whatever seems to hate me. I ended up dropping the soda on my lap, making it spill all over my skirt and tights. The crappy thing about it, it was hot pink so it looked like I pissed all over myself.

Axel and the guys started to laugh at me while the girls giggled. I didn't have a change of clothes with me either. I ended up getting detention for fighting Seifer after it happened. My point is that Axel made fun of me the rest of the day. Mocking me with piss and menstrual cycle jokes until Xion smacked him upside the head.

Anyway, back to Axel laughing at me now.

"I change my mind. You can wait out side while do shit and stuff." I grumble and shove my way passed him, being sure my shoulder slams against chest.

I didn't make it that far seeing as how Axel grasped my arms and put me in a headlock. I grunt and smack my hands on his forearm, trying to pull his arm away. He chuckles and removes his arm, quickly dodging my fist. "Whoa there feisty pants." He says, holding his arms up in surrender. "I was just screwing with ya. I know what you meant alright? Go shower and do whatcha gotta do. I'll be good and wait here."

Axel took a seat on the bed, showing he meant no harm. With an annoyed sigh, I gathered my things again and head to the bathroom for a much needed shower. And okay, to relieve myself of things that any normal human being would need to do.

After brushing my teeth and adding eyeliner to my eyes, I was ready to head out into the cold world.

* * *

The ride there was pleasant enough for me to take a small nap in the car. Axel had the heat on so how could I not bundle myself on the seat and knock out. I was still tired and the warm shower didn't help wake me up anymore than Axel's singing. Not that he was a bad singer. Oh no quite the opposite. He's amazing and I want to rant about it but I know I said I wouldn't ramble anymore, so I'm going to try and stick to it even though his singing makes me want to hear those vocal cords calling out my na-

Ahem.

Where was I? Oh yeah, his singing couldn't keep me awake. If anything it helped loll me to sleep. It didn't last long as Axel shook me awake as if he thought I was going to die if he didn't. His large hand on my shoulder was the first thing I noticed. The next this was my head hitting the window.

"Fuuuuudge." I cry out, holding the side of my head, sleepy eyes glaring at the man who is to blame for the pain. "Axel, what the hell was that for? You could have just told me to wake up." I grumble and smack his warm hand away.

He titters and takes his keys from the ignition. His eyes laughing at my poor head. "I did say to wake up but you refused and told me to fuck off. So I had to do the next best thing to get your sassy ass up."

"Joy." I yawn and unbuckle my seat belt. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be eating breakfast with Xion?" I ask, gazing at the restaurant that my mother was dying to eat at.

"Have you seen her in the morning? I nearly lost my head the last time I tried to take her out for the most important meal of the day." Axel wraps his arms around his head, as his trying to protect it. We both start to laugh and get out of the car. Axel showed me in and talked to the host like they were old friends. It's not surprising seen as how his mother is the owner.

"I'll seat us." He tells the lady and leads me to a spot near the back.

Tiana's was a sight to behold on the outside and the inside. It was large and fancy, with gold colored walls. There were round tables with lime green flowing table cloths, neatly pressed against the surfaces. There where stairs, rounding off at ends of the building, leading to the second floor. The designs along the rails were amazing, going with the lantern like lights hanging from the ceiling, complimenting the chandler in the middle of restaurant. There where even ferns hanging along the lanterns and the around the grand floor. All in all, it was breath taking.

"Holy shit." I whisper under my breath.

"Nice isn't it?" Axel chuckles, and guides me to my seat.

"I feel under dressed."

"It's fine shorty. Nobody dresses up for this place unless they're from some big shot business or coming from church or some other occasion. Besides, we're going to school after this so it doesn't matter right?"

"I guess you're right." I smile, and pick up my menu.

Axel's explanation calmed me down. We weren't the only ones here and seen others dressed up was cutting into my confidence. But now I feel better and seen him smile across from me, I couldn't help but blush. The atmosphere, the mellow jazz music playing in the background, just the two of us in a fancy place. If I didn't know better, I'd like to say this was a date. The very idea of it makes me blush and has the hair on the back of my neck standing while my body tingles in glee.

"What's with the goofy grin?" Axel raises a brow at me, grinning himself.

I shyly duck my face beneath the menu in my hands. My cheeks are probably red for so many reason I'm to lazy to even explain it. But it's me so it's not that hard to guess why. "No reason, so ah, what are you going to have?" I try to ask without stumbling my words or biting my tongue.

Axel hummed to himself, and snatched my menu away. I try to grab for it and protest but the jerk held it out of reach. "Calm down shorty, I'm not going to bite." He chuckles and puts the menu on the table when I huff and cross my arms. "So I'm going to order for us. No ifs and or buts."

"What if I don't like what you get us?" I ask with a pout.

He rolls his and waves a hand in the air. "I think you'll like. Or I hope you will."

"Oh that's reassuring." I sarcastically say while a waitress steps up to our table.

"Hello my name is- oh hey Axel. What are you doing here?" Asks our raven haired, brown eyed waitress.

All I could think about was how pretty she looked. Her flawless coco brown skin, big almond eyes and full lips. I was in awe while she joked around with Axel, not paying attention to what they were saying what so ever. I know staring is rude and blanking out is probably a bad idea, but the girl is amazing to look at. It's a wonder how she's working here and not being filmed for a movie. I'd go on but I think Axel's been saying my name a few times.

"Huh, wha?" I ask in a daze.

"What do ya want to drink?" He laughs at my confusion.

"Oh um, coffee I guess." I say, not really in the mood for anything not that I've seen the way he was looking at.

"Okay and I'll be back with your order Axel. Tiana had us prepare it ahead of time." The women smiles before walking away.

"Cute isn't she?" Axel questions me, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Real cute." I say absently. "So your mom had it already ready. What would have happened if I didn't come with you?"

"Oh you would have came, even if I had to tie you up and throw you in the trunk of the car." Axel cackles. The evil glint in his eyes told me he wasn't joking with me. The guy would really take me kicking and screaming. "Sure you'd be pissed at me but it would be worth it."

"Why go through all the trouble to me take out? What do you have planned Axel?" I suspiciously question him, my eyes narrowing while I look around the slowly crowding restaurant.

"I'm not planning anything. Geeze Roxas, stop being so paranoid. If I wanted to pull a prank on ya I'd do it at school." Axel laughs as the waitress from before put our drinks down with a smile. "Thanks Jasmine."

"No problem." Jasmine smiles back, sending Axel a wink before leaving again.

I sank down in my chair, pouting from how easily they could flirt. Yes it was flirting, at least I think is. Hey, I'm jealous of anyone- no scratch that- any girl that can get Axel to smile like he was staring at something he was going to get later. I don't even care if he is with Xion and is looking at another women, if he was mine I'd kick him under the table. In fact, I'm going to do just that.

"Ouch! The hell Roxas?" He glares at me, reaching down to rub his leg.

"I doubt Xion would be to happy to know you're looking at someone else." I say, using my best friend as an excuse. For give me Xion, I know you won't know why but I still ask for it.

"Don't be stupid, Jasmine's married. I would never do anything to hurt Xion either. I thought we've been over this?" He says, eyes still narrowed in annoyance.

"Right, sorry." I say when I really want to roll my eyes. But doing that would start something and ruin what was going on now.

"Hey honey. Morning Roxas." Tiana greets us, a big smile on her lovely face. She was wearing what I call booger green, while holding a pallet with our food on it. The smell of French toast was intoxicating. My stomach couldn't help but growl in anticipation. "Sounds like you boys are hungry."

"Good morning Tiana." I say while I watch her put the food in front of us. God, how could she make it look so good and smell just as great. Usually when I get French toast it looks like shit. "That looks amazing." I say, practically drooling over my plate."

"Thank you sugar. Oh and Axel didn't tell you did he?"

"Tell me what?" I look at her questioningly.

She looks down at Axel with raised brow. Giving him a look that said he was in trouble. Axel chuckled and put his hands up in surrender. "Hey, hey, I wanted it to be a surprise."

"What be a surprise?"

Tiana rolls eyes at Axel's stupid, gorgeous grin. "Well then I guess we should show him." Tiana sighs and puts down another dish.

I look down at the small steaming bowl in front of me and gasp as I realize what it is. "Potato soup?"

"Mom added it to the menu. She calls it Roxas' potato soup." Axel says, humor in his voice.

My eyes widen and my head snaps up to stare at them both. They can't be serious can they? That's awesome but at the same time embarrassing. What if someone I know eat here and saw my name next to the food. I think I would die from the humiliation. But I can't let them know that. Tiana is just being nice and Axel is my friend, so maybe he wouldn't let other people make fun of me. Like my own personal body guard. Who eventually makes out with me when the cost is clear. That would be an ideal dream.

"This is, wow. Thank you Tiana." I say, smiling up at her now that I was able to put my own worries to rest.

"It was the least I could do." She giggles. "Well, enjoy boys. And Axel, don't be late for school."

"Yes ma'am." Axel called after her.

* * *

"So Roxas, what are you doing after school?" Axel asks me once we were in the car headed to said hell hole.

"Um go home, do my chores and homework. Then I plan on locking my door and window so I can get a full eight hours of sleep." I say, making sure to get my point across.

"Don't be like that Roxas. I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart. Besides, you got fed didn't you? And you didn't even have to pay."

Why does he have to be sarcastic and right at the same time? I don't know how to respond to that beside grunting so he knows I heard him. Damn him and his beautiful brains. "Why do you want to know anyway? Planning something again?"

"Don't be cheeky. I was just asking because we haven't had a bros day in awhile. What with the exams and me taking Xion out. I thought it would be nice to hang out."

It was true, but thing was, I haven't hung around my friends as offended as I liked. They've all been busy. Or busy with each other. The last time I saw any of them outside of school was probably the same time I started spending more time with Axel. I should make it up to everyone. Maybe I'll invite them over for a sleep over or something. We haven't done that since we were kids. All of us sitting around the living room, watching scary movies while eating pizza, popcorn and other junk food. Sora and I on the couch, sharing a blanket, trying to protect each other from the monsters. Hayner and Pence starting a pillow fight, making the feathers fly. Olette, Kairi, Namine, and Xion doing each other's hair, make up, and nails while Larxene and Riku came up with plans to scare the living day lights outta all of us.

But now Axel can join us. Maybe he would be the one I shared a blanket with while Xion was busy doing her thing with the girls. It wouldn't have to mean anything if I could be close to him and pull pranks on the guys. The thought put a smile on my face.

"Thought of something good?" Axel asks, taking me out of my trance.

I gaze at him, the smile still present on my face. I guess I should tell him my childish idea. "I was just thinking about what the gang and I used to do before we hit high school. I'm going to ask if they'd want to have a sleep over like the good old days. Or does that sound immature?"

I don't know why I want his opinion. It's not like it would matter...Okay that's a lie. I crave his opinion because I want him to accept me for who I am and how I think. I also crave for his long fingers to run through my hair, caress my head, and lean his face close to my own. How nice would that be? So very nice, as he stops the car and pushes me into the back seat. His hands roaming body while we grind against each other, moaning and panting while trying to-

Focus Roxas, focus!

"I don't think it's immature at all. Honestly you're never to old to sleep at a friends house until you or they have kids of their own. Hell even then you could make it a family/ friend thing. You should do it." Axel smiles and pulls into the nearly packed parking lot. Damn, why is everyone here early? I wonder if there is something going on today. It's a nice distraction but then I remembered I need to answer Axel

"W-would you join us?" I ask with so much uncertainty I knew he could see and hear it. Well at least I know he approves of it.

Axel's fingers tapped on the stirring wheel while he looked for a spot to park. His eyes darted from me to the space a few feet ahead of us. He seemed to be thinking about my offer and I only realize now what an idiot I am. He said he goes to friends' houses but he doesn't stay the night. Or am I getting that wrong? God, why can't I remember something he told me only a few weeks ago?

Axel parked the car and turned to me, giving me his full attention. "You know what, that sounds fun. Everyone huh? Guys and girl, and your folks are fine with that?"

I felt myself blush because I know what he's asking. Most parents, if not all, would never allow a boy girl sleep over, especially at our age. Even more if anyone is dating each other. But I'm sure it'll be fine. My parents know everyone and my friends know better than to do something stupid. "Yeah, of course they're fine with it. I just have make sure the house is extra clean before and after."

Axel smirks and ruffles my hair. His warm hand sent tingles down my spine and made the butterflies in my gut go wild. There's something about today that I makes me want to jump him. And I don't know what it is. I also know I would never ever jump him unless I knew he wanted me too. I want him to say he'll come over. That would keep me more than happy, while I get through this day.

"Alright, I'll go over even if nobody else does. I think it'll be fun. Oh and I'll help you with the cleaning. It's only fair seen as how we'll be making a mess."

Dear god you sent me an angel from heaven. None of my friends have ever offered to help me not even Sora or Xion and they're supposed to be my best friends. My heart is pounding against my chest and I can't think straight. All I know is Axel is sitting beside me, a goofy, sexy grin on his kissable face. My body trembles from the desire while my lungs struggle to take in oxygen. I feel hot and my mind is hazy. My eyes slowly shut as my arms position themselves between our bodies, hand supporting my weight.

The next thing I know, my lips are pressed against something soft, something firm and plump. What is that and why does it feel like it's apart of something solid. I open my eyes and all they do is bug out in pure horror.

I'm kissing Axel and he is staying still. He's not pulling away nor is he kissing me back. His widen eyes are telling me he's in a state of shock and confusion. I feel my pulse pick up but for another reason.

What the hell am I doing?! Why am.I kissing him when I know I shouldn't. Why haven't I pulled away yet? Why hasn't he pushed me away for that matter?

I pull from Axel, my friend, no Xion's boyfriend with a gasp in fear. "I-I." I'm so in shock I can't even speak and tell him I'm sorry.

"Roxas." Axel says rather than question me or yell or hit me. His finger tips touch his lips and his eyes stare at them. His gaze follows his fingers when he pulled them away, as if he could see my damn lips on his tips. He looks at me, his brows furrowing. Not in anger but in confusion. His mouth opens again, but before he could even ask me anything, I grab my backpack and bolt from the car like a rabbit fleeing from a hunter with a loaded shot gun.

What have I done?

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**Hey, so here is a new chapter after a long time. To make a short ramble short, I was only able to update because I got excited about the date. I know this is late by an hour or my time but yeah. Still not doing too well, but I'm starting school next week so hopeful that distracts me. Um I was Anime Expo, cosplaying as Roxas if anyone cares. Umm you can see the cosplay if you want on my instagram. The link is on the profile thingy I think. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :D smiley face**


	10. Chapter 10

I'm currently freaking the hell out in the nurse's office. Why am I there you may ask? Well, by freaking out I mean I'm having a HEART ATTACK!

...okay okay it's not that serious, but it might as well be seen as how I can't breath and am actually having an anxiety attack.

I can't believe that I just kissed Axel not only ten minutes ago! What the hell was I thinking? Oh that's right, I wasn't thinking at all! Good going Roxas, you just royally fucked yourself over. He's going to hate you and then Xion will hate you for kissing her boyfriend. You're supposed to be her best friend and you betrayed her. She'll say something like_ "you should have told me you liked him. I wouldn't have told you things or kissed him in front of you." And I'll say "I'm sorry_ _Xion, forgive me, have mercy on me?_" And then she'll shake her head and shove me in the garbage can for being a selfish jack ass.

And then the girls will get on my case about it too. They'll all call me a jerk and say they thought I was better than trying to get my BEST friend's boyfriend to cheat on her with me. Even though I technically wasn't trying to it won't matter to them at all. Axel too will be disgusted with me. His parents will hate me and never let me over or allow me in their big restaurant. And then mom will be pissed at me because it means she won't be allowed in, and if she is pissed dad will most certainly be pissed at me. Oh god, and then they'll call me a pussy little it. Not girl, it!

"I c-c-can't bre-" I gasp out, rocking back and forth on a chair against the wall. My hands are on the sides of my head, fingers digging into my scalp. My face, almost as hot as the burning sensation in my chest. Eyes stinging with flaming tears rolling down my pink rosy cheeks. My arms and legs are shaking, and my stomach is doing flips. I can't breath and I can't think of anything other than the fact that I screwed up.

The nurse looks concern for once, as if she is worried about having a dead kid on her recorded of being a useless hoebag. She says something but I can't hear her over my choking sobs and shallow pants. She goes over to the phone and the next thing I know, I'm being untangled and held down on the table bed thingy. There is mask over my mouth, feeding me oxygen. I hear words but I can't make out what's being said over the sound of wheezing.

I can't breath.

**XXXXXXXX**

Ever hear of the phrase, "you take my breath away"? I suppose in a sense that Axel did take my breath away. See, I um, I'm sitting in the waiting room of the emergency room waiting for my mom to finish some paper work.

So what happened was, I kinda passed out. And I guess I have asthma too. I guess I've always had it, but ya know it wasn't really a concern since it wasn't that big of an issue. When I was born they told my mom not to worry about it but I guess the doctors of the olden days don't know shit. They asked me questions and my mom asked them some.

Oh and I mean the people that took care of me a while ago, not the stupid baby doctors.

Anyway, they told her that panic and anxiety attacks can have an affect on asthma. So because I kept having them so often, my attack this time turned into an asthma attack. So I got prescribed with some pills and an inhaler. I'm not too happy about it but it can't be helped.

I sigh in defeat as I watch my mother stick her tongue out while she concentrates on the paper work. The little act alone makes her look even younger than what she is. Her brows are furrowed and her eyes are narrow. Honestly, she looks like a teenager. I can't help but wonder how someone so pretty ended up with a troubled child like me. Then again it could be my dad's fault but I digress.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time. School will be out soon meaning I've been here for almost seven hours. I'm grateful that I didn't have to see Axel or anyone but at the same time I feel like a coward for not facing them today. Axel probably already told Xion and the two of them may want nothing more to do with me.

Wait, I have messages!_ 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit._' I think, gulping and swiping my screen. There's twenty three text messages and five voice messages. The texts are from the gang and the calls are from Sora, Xion, and...Axel. I gulp again and scan my texts all of them asking if I'm alright and what happened. Every single one of them asking the same things. Even Xion is asking if she should ditch class to be beside me. I feel tears running down my face but I'm quick to wipe them away. They're worried about me and not ticked off. I can only imagine what the voice messages say.

Not wanting to wait, I type in my stupid pin and play the first message.

**"ROXAS! OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! ARE YOU OKAY?! HOLY SHIT WHY ARE THEY TAKING YOU AWAY?!"_-Sora_**

"My ear." I groan and delete the message.

**"Aunt Anna called. Roxas why didn't you come find me? I'll come over after school I promise."_-Sora._**

I frown hearing how Sora went from full on panic to a kicked puppy. And he's family so I'm a little scared to hear what Xion's messages say.

**"Roxas?! Why won't you answer damn it?! You better be okay or I'll kill you."_ -Xion_**

**"No, no I won't. Roxas, please call me back. Or text me okay? We're all worried about you and I don't know why but Axel looks like it's his fault. What happened Roxas?"_\- Xion_**

Axel thinks it's his fault? He didn't tell anyone about the kiss? But why wouldn't he? Is he pitying me because he knows I have no shot with him and that I may mess up my friendship because of it? Or am I over thinking things and Axel isn't like that...

Oh man, now I feel like the worst kind of person. How could I turn into one of those people who never fully think things through and only worry about the negative and never what's true. Axel would never do that. He'd want an explanation. Hell any rational person would want to know why the hell they were kissed out of nowhere. Unless of course they are a complete and utter jackass who are ignorant of simple human behavior or uncontrollable things. Like homophobia and racist pigs, and dick wads to the elderly. Or stereotyping people based on appearance and I'm starting to rant about things again.

But yeah Axel isn't like that and I feel so pathetic for getting scared over it. I need to make it up to everyone. Especially Axel. But I doubt my mom will let me go outside the house after this. So maybe I could have everyone over.

"Hey mom?" I ask, being sure I sound as pathetic as I feel.

She glances over at me for second before flipping to the last page on the clipboard. "Yes Roxas?" She asks sounding exhausted.

I chew my lip and gaze around the room before settling on my lap. "Would it be okay, if-if my friends came over today? I mean, I didn't see them today and I-" I sigh and hang my head. "I feel like crap for making everyone worry and I want them to know I'm not dead because a text or call would not confirm it for them and you know it wouldn't."

She sighs, puts the pen down and looks up from the clipboard. She looks like she wants to tell me no but her eyes are filled with pity. "I suppose so, but only for an hour or so. I don't feel like having guests over while I want to take a nap. You should be the one taking the nap anyway. You also have homework to do. Don't think you'll get out of chores either." She says sternly.

I nod and tell her thank you before slowly replying to my friends, all but Axel. I don't know what to say to him at this point. I'm still scares that he'll hate me for what I did, yet more than anything, I'm scared that he'll never want anything to do with me again.

The responses from my friends were quick. And though they all want to come over to check on me only Sora, Xion, and Namine are coming over. I sigh in relief because I'm actually closer to two of the three that will be over. I love my friends but sometimes it's hard to communicate with them.

"Let's go Roxas." My mother tells me, her arms above her head as she stretches like a cat in front of me. I nod, get up and follow her out to the car, my phone griped tightly in my hand. She doesn't say anything else until we're half way home. "Are you hungry?" She asks, her eyes never leaving the road.

"No." I lie and stare out the window contemplating my next course of action. "I'm actually tired. But I want to see my friends before anything else."

"Alright." She turns the radio on to fill the silence while I keep checking my phone, only to see nothing.

We pull up to house and I head inside. I'm told to do some chores before anyone shows up so that's what I do. I vacuum, I take the trash out, I do what dishes my parents left in the sink. I sweep and I mop the kitchen before I clean the bathrooms. Everything is easier to clean when you do the same thing everyday because it doesn't even have a chance to get dirty so I'm literally done in an hour. I head up to my room and curl up in a ball on my bed; by that time my friends show up, let themselves in and head to my room. Sora walks in and takes a seat on the bed while Namine sits at my desk. Xion walks in and sits next to Sora and then...

My eyes widen when I see that bright red mane and sharp emerald gleam standing in my door way. Axel's standing there, looking cool, calm, and collected like he usual does whenever he's in public or at school. What the hell is he doing here? I know I didn't ask for him to come over. I don't even want him here after what I did. It's too soon for this crap.

"Roxas what's wrong?" Sora asks and puts his hand on my shoulder, concern laced in his words. "Breath buddy, breath. Nice, slow, deep breaths." He says and it makes me realize I was panicking and gasping. I do as he says, looking my cousin in the eyes to get my focus away from Axel.

"I'll go get some water." Xion gets up and rushes out the door while Namine kneels by the bed to hold my hand.

"There you go, nice and slow." Sora grins and pats my head as if I were some sort of child. It's embarrassing because I know he is watching and I don't want him to think I'm a being a baby. I hate caring what Axel thinks of me.

Xion returns and hands me a small glass of water to which I happily drink. "Thanks and uh sorry about this. I don't know what came over me. I feel like a damn baby right now."

"Don't worry about it Roxas. We all have our moments that can't be helped." Namine's smiles and I can't help but wonder why I stopped crushing on her. She's so beautiful and sweet, she'd make an amazing girlfriend. But then again, Axel is amazing, funny, hot, bad ass, and well I can't help my feelings for him, even if they get crushed.

"Thanks Namine, I'm alright now. I promise." I sit up and put the glass on the floor. I then begin to explain what happened, without mentioning the reason I was freaking out and without saying it happened after I saw Axel. I don't want him to be the blame because he isn't.

"You sure you're okay Roxas? Going to the hospital is a big deal." Xion frowns, moving her hands to check my forehead.

I swat them away and with an actual smile I say, "Yes, I am alright. I just need to be more careful with my thoughts ya know? Gotta stop letting things get to me."

"Speaking of, can I talk to you later? I think there's something we need to discuss, alone." When Axel spoke, all eyes were trained on him. He didn't have an attitude or any other expression than what he had came in with. It honestly has me afraid. I don't want to be alone with him right now and I need to stop freaking out before it shows on my face.

"Yeah, sure." I say as nonchalantly as I can.

Xion squints her blue orbs are him, trying to figure out what he's up to. He just give her his trade mark grin and chuckles. "I'm not going to do anything stupid. You know me better than that and besides, Roxas and I have become good friends and you know that as well."

Xion sighs, "You're right, I'm just paranoid. Don't ask me about what." She puffs her cheeks and sticks her tongue out at him.

"Well, now that the great dread of the case of Roxas is over, I gotta go home. Mom is baking tonight." Sora grins and pats my back. "I'll bring you cake later, promise."

"It better be chocolate." I laugh and give Sora a side hug.

"I don't want to leave but I'm having family over tonight and I need to tell Larxene and Kairi that everything is alright." Namine says and surprises me by kissing my cheek. "Get some rest Roxas."

"Y-yeah." I say stunned. She's never given me a kiss before. What does that mean? Does she like me now or is she playing with my head? Do I want her to like me now? Would it be a good thing since Axel will reject me anyway? Ugh my head hurts.

"Oh, I should tell Riku. Hey Axel can you give us a ride?" Sora asks and digs in his pocket. He pulls out some cash and says it's gas money. Axel sighs and gestures for everyone to follow him.

"I'll be going to Roxas. And don't worry, I'll tell Hayner. Pence and Olette. I know how they can get when it's about you." Xion giggles and ruffles my head.

Once they all leave, I lay back down on my bed and stare at the ceiling until I knock out.

**XXXXX**

I feel like I'm floating, but I can't tell if it's on a cloud, in the water, or just in a black void. All I know is that I feel lighter than the cliche I almost said. The whole day is nothing but a dazed blur. Was it real or was it all a dream? My friends came by, that much I know and yet, I can't figure out if Axel was going to come back or not. What would the point be if he has to give everyone a ride a home only to backtrack here? It's stupid and a waste of gas. If he wants to talk to me then why not on the phone or through text?

"So stupid."

"What's stupid?"

Am I questioning myself or was that someone else? I pause for a moment and answer anyway. "Gas and time."

"Hmm, how so?"

Okay, so maybe that voice isn't in my head. But I still answer nonetheless. "Axel wasting gas and time just to talk to me. It's stupid." I muttered and hear a chuckle. "Not funny."

"Why not? I don't think it's a waste at all. Besides, I really want to talk to you and I doubt it can wait. The sooner the better as they say."

My eyes snap open and my body jolts into a sitting position. Axel chuckles, placing his hands on my shoulders to lay me back down. My mouth is dry and mind blank, I have no words to say. I'm startled to see him here yes, but I can't question him on it when I know why. He's here to talk, not watch me gawk.

Why the hell am I rhyming? This isn't the time for that. Axel is back and looks serious.

"What are-you doing here?" I question stupidly.

Axel rolls his eyes and pulls the computer desk chair near him, firmly planting his ass on it. He crosses his arms and raises a brow, my heart slows down. Usually it'd be pounding, racing like a train but I feel I may die under his studying gaze. My body trembles with anticipation, nerves yearning to twitch my ditches. With baited breath, I gulp and shut my eyes. "I'm sorry!" I cry out, shifting so I'm sitting on my legs, hands on my lap. "I'm sorry I - I shouldn't have done that. I wasn't thinking and my body just moved on it's own. N-no that's not right um."

I peek an eye open, my fingers dig into my pants. Just this morning I was eating breakfast with this man, having a good time. But then I ruined it as soon as we got to school. And now I'm rambling out an apology to him unable to explain my true feelings for him. I know he's not stupid and anything I say he won't buy. Looking at his face, I can tell he's already annoyed with me. He wants the truth, a better explanation. So I try to do just that.

"I'm sorry Axel. I don't want you to hate me and I don't want Xion to hate me either, but..."

"Roxas, stop."

"Huh?" I dumbly say, staring at him with both eyes. He huffs, his face turned away from me, eyes narrowed at the computer. He doesn't say anything for a while, making my skin crawl and body sweat.

Axel rolls his head, groaning and rubbing his nose. He faces me, his eyes showing pity and confliction. Could this be it? Will this be the last time we speak alone like this, or at all for that matter? I feel sick and I want to puke. The longer he silently stares at me, the more I want to hide. I don't think I can take this wordless mood any longer. But just as I am about to say something, he opens his mouth.

"I'm not going to play stupid with you alright? So you better not play stupid with me." I nod and chew my lower lip. "Okay, so I have a few questions I need to ask. Question one, are you really bi gender or gender fluid, whatever it is?"

"Yes, why would I lie about something like that? Who the hell even asks that?" I grumble out. Suddenly I don't feel as nervous as I did a few seconds ago. He chuckled, he fucking chuckled! "What the hell is so funny?"

"You are. You looked like a stiff rock so I needed to say something to unwind you. Anyway. question number two, I want to know why you're friends with me."

"You bastard, you were jerking me around. Fine, I'm friends with you because you just happened to be dating Xion, but, I am also friends with you because we hang out a lot and got to know each other better. You're fun to be around and blah blah blah." I snap at him at first and then as I began to get sappy, I knew it would make me sound like I like him and I can't have that.

"Blah blah, pretty lazy aren't we? Question three, sexual orientation? Don't tell me it's non of my business either because after that kiss I think I deserve to know."

I frown and glare at him while my cheeks burn. The only words coming to my mind were, "I don't know."

Axel raises a brow and asks, "How do you not know?"

"I just don't. I thought I liked girls, which I still do, but at the same time I'm confused. I don't find guys attractive the same way I do girls. Hell, I don't even know if I like them." I explain as best as I can.

It's true ya know. You don't have to be a certain orientation just because you get feelings for someone. Labels are stupid to be honest. But I guess we all use them to make others feel, I don't know, secure? Is that the right word for this kinda crap because I don't even know. All I know is that I'm not bi sexual, I'm not gay, I'm not Asexual, and I know I'm not pansexual because that would mean I find everyone attractive, which I don't. And because of my feelings for Axel I know I'm not straight. I suppose you could say, I am me and nothing else. I like what I like.

"So that kiss really meant nothing? It was a spur of the moment type of thing." He says, rubbing the back of his neck, looking ashamed of himself.

I can't have that. I don't think I can keep going on like this now that I know how his lips feel against my own. Even if he hates me for this, I need to tell him or I'll never be able to sleep peacefully. I don't want to be stuck with a what if. I need to hear him say he doesn't have feelings for me and that he never will so I can give up this burden of a heartache that yarns for him and swells whenever I see him with Xion. I can't take the throbbing, the pounding in my chest that seems to be picking up the pace as our eyes make contact. I need to tell him.

"Well yeah it was but um, there's something I need to tell you." My words are choking my throat as they tremble out. My stomach is doing flips, making me want to vomit. My flesh starts to sweat while my limbs and digits shake.

He's looking at me his brows slightly furrowed but not in anger, no, in uneasiness. His body is hunched forward, eyes beckoning me to continue what I was going to tell him. "What is it Roxas?" He asks, his voice holding no other emotion than worry. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" He's so damn sweet to be caring about me, it's making me forget what I need to tell him. "Look if it's about the kiss I'm sorry."

"What?" I am confused as all hell. He has nothing to be sorry about, so why?

He sighs and runs a had threw his hair. "Roxas, you bolted from the car and I didn't go after you. The next thing I knew, you were being put in an ambulance. I thought something happened to you because I was to stunned to think. I thought that you got hit by a car for god's sake. You don't even realize how freaked I was or how relieved I was when I found out you didn't get hurt. Truth be told I didn't want to come here after some thoughts. I felt guilty and I was afraid you'd be pissed at me. Hell I was worried everyone would pissed at me too but it didn't matter as much as your well being."

I'm such a dick.

"I feel awful. I never meant for you to feel guilty or anything at all." I say, looking down at my lap. "I am sorry for running like that. I just, I guess I was just scared that you'd hate me or something. I'm insecure and I honestly wasn't thinking about what I was doing." I gulp and meet his gaze, my heart pounding against my chest, my brain screaming at my mouth to open and finally tell him how I feel. Taking a deep breath, I swing my legs over the bed. I ball my sweating hands into fists, and bite my lower lip painfully hard. "Axel, I-I-I,"

"Yeah?"

"I actually um I um, uh, I.. Shit why is this so hard?!" I feel frustrated as my face burns brightly in front of him. He looks curious but at he same time he looks like he already knows what I'm going to tell him, which only makes it a hundred times harder than it should.

"Roxas, you don't have to tell me anything. It's okay alright. Look, you're my friend and-"

"Please, I need to get it off my chest."

"Alright." He says patiently.

I squeeze my stinging eyes shut and with one last breath I cry out, "I like you!"

Time feels like it's standing still. I did it, I finally told him how I feel and yet I don't feel relieved at all. Instead there is this sharp pain going through my heart. It's like getting you finger smashed against the car door when someone slams it shut. Or when Seifer kicked me in the balls, but instead stabbed them with a knife. I can't open my eyes. I don't want to see his expression of disgust. Most of all, I don't want to cry in front of him because I know once I open my lids, the salty sprinkles of dead hope will tinkle down my cheeks.

"Roxas I think I should go. But I want you to know that I'm fine with it. The thing is, I don't know what to say to you yet. I'm sorry kiddo." He says with so much pity laced in every word. "But hey, I still want to be friends alright. I don't hate you or anything. Just let me have time to process this." The next thing I hear are his foot steps going toward the door, which closes behind him.

Snapping my eyes open, I choke on a sob and lay down in a ball on the bed. "I finally told him and he, he's okay with it? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I chuckle lightly and let the water works go. With whatever ounce of will power I have left for the time being, I grab my phone and play his voice message, crying the entire time.

**"Roxas, I'm sorry. please be alright buddy, I don't know what I'd do if something bad happened to you. I feel like shit right now but I want you to know I'm not mad about you kissing me, I swear. You're my best friend Roxas, even if I'm not yours, haha. Ah to be honest, I'm ditching school and looking at you laying on the bed through the door. You're past out so I don't even know why I'm leaving this for you. I guess I'll see you when you get out buddy. Forgive me." _-Axel_**

"Axel, you bastard..."

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**Yo, guess who got a new laptop but is only using it for school work? boo me. But yeah anyway, I ended up writing this chapter on my bus rides to work from school. so this is he out come of a few days. um, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm going be an emo baby in the corner. hahahaha crying yo, it hurts me like it hurts Roxas. I need to stop getting to emotionally involved with these guys.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, finally a new chapter. Does anyone still read this? I'm sorry it took so long. I don't have any excuse besides the fact that I don't think I like writing but at the same time I do? I don't know. I don't know when I'll update again but I will finish the story. But I won't make it some suddenly ending out of nowhere crap either just because I stopped liking the story. No, no, no, I hate that. I do like this story still. I would love to hear ideas thought, and ma****ybe have a beta please. But only someone who edits, Grammar and spelling errors. I don't want someone to tell me I need to get rid of something or does it themselves. Sorry haha…um enjoy?**

* * *

It's been a few days since that horribly embarrassing afternoon. I hated going back to school because of all the rumors that were going around. What I hated the most were the random high schoolers coming up to me and to get the information straight from the pigs mouth. Even Seifer asked me in his own way. I swear, if he didn't hit me a few times after asking I would have thought he was sincerely worried. I never want to see him looking like a wounded dog again.

Beside all of that, everything with my group of friends went back to normal. It pleases me knowing they know I don't want to make a big deal out of anything. However, not everything has kept it's balance…

Monday, during our lunch period, I may have made things awkward between myself and Axel. See usually we sit next to each other. Xion, Axel, and myself all on the same side of the table. I was in between them some days while others it would be Xion. Axel tried it once only to quickly to hate it on account of his long legs and needing space between his er…uh c-crotch…Ah anyway...

Sorry for the rambling

Anyway, I made it awkward because I squeezed myself between Riku and Sora. Not that they minded but when Xion asked curiously why I wasn't sitting next to her I made eye contact with hot green, leading to my face burning up and smacking against the table's surface. Of course I groaned and said I just wanted to move around a bit. I knew she didn't believe me but I'm glad she didn't press it. Axel on other hand decided to be an ass in the moment and mumbled something about me stupid. Sora later told me he was blushing and that Xion glared at him for it. The comment not the blush.

Things got worse on Tuesday when I refused to speak or look at Axel. Namine asked if we were in a fight and I told her no. Riku, Larxene, Kairi, Hayner, Pence, and Olette asked the same thing later that day. I told them all no but when Xion and Sora asked I didn't know what to tell them. It's the truth right? We aren't fighting because it's me who is refusing him. Then again this could be pissing him off. I know I would be irritated if he did this to me. Ah fucking hell! What's wrong with me?

I'll stop talking about the past right now and get to the present because nothing really happened yesterday. Besides the usually fight with Seifer but I'm happy to say I was the one that kicked his ass. Until Rai and Fuu held me back. My stomach and face are still sore and badly bruised. I'm just lucky this was after school, who knows what my friends would have done.

Damn it! I'm sorry I got off topic.

Ah haha

Back to the now.

The ground is covered in dead, crunchy leaves, the wind has picked up to a nice pace where it's cool yet not strong enough to throw dirt around. There are a few dark clouds blocking out the rays of the sun, making it perfect for me to ditch lunch and lay under a tree. Starting up at the sky gives me a strange sensation. Yet, not strange at all. I guess feeling peaceful is becoming foreign to me now but that's alright. Shutting my eyes, I shield them with my right arm, resting it on them to block out everything around me. I could fall asleep right now if it weren't for the sound of foot steps crushing leaves. I sigh and peak out once the steps stop by my side. Staring down at me is Olette with her curious grass colored eyes. She kneels down and with a gloved finger, pokes my cheek tenderly.

"Roxas, what're you doing out here? Don't feel like joining us today?" she asks while poking at my cheek again. Her eyes staring intently at my bruises. I am grateful she doesn't question them, though I know she is concerned.

I lightly chuckle and shake my head. "It's nothing like that Olette. I thought I would catch a nap while I can. It's not everyday we have weather like this during school."

Olette giggles, gestures for me to lift my head, then folds her legs under her bum. She gently places her hands on my head, telling me to lay it on her lap. I do without questioning her while shutting my eyes again. I feel the her hand running through my hair, relaxing me completely. Voicing her words in an almost whisper she says, "We should all go to the park sometime. Or have a sleep over, guys and girls. We haven't done that since we were practically kids. Now we have Axel to join us too. What do you think Roxas?"

A sleep over with everyone including Axel sounds like a nightmare to me, but I can't tell her that when she sounds so enthusiastic about it. I'm going to regret saying this because I know what everyone is already going to say. "I think we should ask everyone else. Also, we should invite Marluxia to be fair to Larxene ya know?"

"Oh that's right! That way we can get to know him better too. You're a genius Roxas." Olette excitedly says, bouncing for a few seconds in place. I groan in protest only to earn a laugh from her. "Oops, sorry Roxas, I guess I got to hyped up."

"No big deal, warn me next time when you're gonna do that." I half heartily laugh, rubbing the back of my head. "Come on, let's go get some lunch before we run out of time."

"What about your nap?"

"It can wait when I'm at home. Besides, don't you want to ask everyone for their opinions?"

"Oh, yes let's go ask them."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Asking our friends was easy enough, deciding when and where was the problem. We tried to make so we were all able to go. After everyone thought about their future schedules, the time was set. All that was left was to choose whose house it would be at. Mine was out of the question. Who knows what my parents would do to humiliate me with everyone around. Knowing them, they'd separate us all and ask if I was sleeping with the girls or the guys. I don't want to have to deal with that.

After some debating it was Namine who volunteered her place. She's a sweet girl and her parents are just as nice. She knew they'd say yes to the idea before bothering to ask them. With the plan set in motion, and lunch over, I made my leave to my next class. It pretty much flew by and before I knew it school was over and I was free to get the hell out of there.

Lady luck wasn't on my side it seemed….bitch.

As soon as I left school grounds my hood was yanked back. I stumbled and almost fell on my ass. Instead I ended up hitting something solid behind me. I gazed up and instantly froze in place. It was like time had stopped while blood ran from my limbs. He was staring down at me with the coldest shade of green eyes that I've ever seen. Why does he have to be looking at me like that? It's making my chest hurt and body tremble. I don't like it at all. I want to move away from him but he's got a tight grip on my arm and even if I could get away, I doubted I'd be able to take a step with out my legs giving out on me.

"We need to talk, now." Axel says with a bit of a bite to his words. Just how mad did I make him? I don't have time to really think about it as Axel drags, literally, me away from the front of the school and toward the parking lot where his car is parked.

I want to struggle but what's the point when he's obviously stronger than I am? Note to self, join a gym.

"Fuck, ow! Axel let go of me damn it. You're hurting me!" I bark out, hitting his back. His grip on my arm had tighten out of nowhere. "What's your deal? Let me go damn it."

"Would you kindly shut the hell up!" He yells back at me and pulls me in front of himself so I'm trapped between him and the car. "Get in." He orders but being the dick I am, I push his chest with my free hand. Just because I have a thing for him and he kinda tore my heart out doesn't mean I'm going to let him boss me around. I don't take that crap from Seifer and I most certainly will not take that crap from Axel.

"I'm not getting in there until you explain to me what you want and let go of my arm before I lose all circulation." I snap at him and wince when he threw my arm back at me. "That hurt asshole."

Axel rolls his eyes and crosses his oh so delectable arms.

Shit did I just say that? Ignore me and my hormones. But shit me, Axel's mad and it's just making him look so….fuck no stop it, you're mad at him too remember? F-for being a jerk right now. Yeah that's right. Ugh.

"Whatever, if you want to make a scene that's fine by me."

"What do you mean make a scene?" I question before looking around. My face flushes from the small group of noisy ass students watching and gossiping around us. I silently curse and pull open the door behind me, jump in and slam it as hard as I can. Axel follows my lead and gets in on his side of the car, only he didn't slam his door. I sigh and can't help but pout. "There, I'm in the damn car."

"Thank you." He says with another eye roll.

"If you wanted to talk you could have just said so instead of scaring the shit out of me and forcing me over here." I say while still pouting.

Axel starts the car and pulls out of his parking spot, the small group now going about their own business. I cross my arms over my chest. I don't bother to buckle up and neither is Axel. He pulls onto the road before he starts talking. "Come on, we both know you would have made up some excuse and tried to run off. I know you better than by now."

"Are you going to tell me what you want or not?" My left eye just twitched at the truth he spoke. Damn him.

"It's more a long the lines of why your being weird around me. Don't think I haven't noticed how you've been trying to avoid me. You've been doing it for a while now and I want to know why because it's really starting to piss me off. I mean come on Roxas, what did I do to make you hate me again? I thought we were best friends?"

I drop my head feeling guilty. I don't deserve to be mad at him. I'm an idiot and I shouldn't have…geeze what's wrong with me? I need to make things right with him. If not now then when? Dang it.

"I'm sorry." I say at first. I lick my dry lips, pausing so I can gather the strength to keep speaking. "I don't know how to act around you anymore I guess."

"Why?"

I chew my lower lip, trying to will my embarrassment away. "Because you know how I feel about you. You practically crushed those feelings though. And it hurts to be near you because of that."

Axel is silent for longer than I would have liked. I want to jump out of the car and run home. Speaking of home, I'm going to be in trouble when I get there. I really hope that's where Axel is taking me but judging from the scenery I doubt it is. Ten minutes pass and I can't take the quiet any longer. My anxiety starts to bother me but I don't want to tell him. Instead I take a deep breath and try talking again.

"Listen, I know it's childish and I shouldn't let things like that get to me but I can't help it. I'll try to get over it so things will go back to normal between us. For the sake of our friendship and for the sake of our other friends. Where are we going anyway? I need to get home Axel."

"Don't worry about that. I asked Sora to talk to your folks so I could talk to you."

I gasp, "He speaks, oh what joy. It's a miracle!"

Axel chuckles and lightly pushes my shoulder. "Shut the hell up smart ass."

I laugh at his comment and I need to say this. "How can we talk if I have to shut the hell up?"

"Cheeky bastard." Axel chuckles again, this time a smirk gracing his sour puss of a face. "I don't know where we're going, I'm just driving aimlessly right now. And you know, you were being yourself right now. I think you need to calm down and shouldn't think about things as much as you have been doing. Roxas, I care about you and I'm sorry I've hurt you but I did ask you to give me time to think about it myself. And I have but I can only see you as my friend."

"I figured as much on own." I sigh and go back to pouting out the window. At least he gave me a proper rejection. It hurts a hell of a lot less than it did earlier, yet I some how feel more at ease with the whole thing. Maybe that's all I needed.

"You're smiling? Haha I thought you'd be crying or something."

"I've cried enough to be honest. I feel relief actually. Thank you." I turn to face him, still smiling as my heart only has a slight sting to it. He glances at me and I swear there was something in his eye for a split second. I wish I could've made it out, however, he quickly turned his gaze back on the road and came to a slow stop.

"You're welcome." He chuckles.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Finally back at home I flop down on my bed and think about the days events. The one think I can't stop from going back to over and over again is that gleam in Axel's eyes. Maybe it was the trick of the light or maybe I'm giving my hopes up on the thought that he suddenly felt something for me. In my fantasy land that would have been the moment he felt his heart skip a beat. It would have been the moment where he caught feelings for me, pulled over and kissed me. If only it were real and not in my head. A guy can only dream. Or in the moment right now a girl can only dream.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, thinking about a what if fantasy. Axel kissing me, we make out in his car for minutes on end. He says we need more privacy and drives off into the suddenly dark night. He parks in the random thick forest, and I climb onto his lap. We start making out again, our tongues dancing around each other until he establishes dominance over me. His tongue explores my mouth, while his hands wandered my torso. One hand slips up my shirt, roaming over my stomach and chest with teasing fingers while his other hand slides down my hip and onto my thigh. He rubs circular motions causing me to shiver and moan into his mouth. His wandering hand moves up to my ass and grasps it firmly, forcing me to roll my hips into his own. He's just as hard as I am, and with that knowledge I reach down and free us both from our pants. The next thing I know I am laying outside with Axel hovering above me, both of us naked. He takes his lips and marks my neck down to my inner thigh. I moan for more, for him not to tease me. He chuckles, parts my legs and slips his cocktail inside me, no preparation needed. Axel then rocks his hips and trusts his own being inside of me, leaving me to wither beneath him.

"Oh god, Axel." I moan once I reach my climax, my chest rising and falling as I stared up at the ceiling in my bedroom. My cheeks burning with the embarrassment of what I just did to myself. I pray my parents didn't hear me and I pray that I wasn't loud when I cried out his name. My hands feel gross but not as bad as my body does. Slowly, I will myself to get up, slip my pants on and wipe the evidence on the tissues I should have used in the first place. Closing my eyes, I raise my other hand in front of my face and silently hope I don't have anything on my fingers. "Phew." I say with another blush while trying to be sneaky as I rush to the bathroom.

I've had wet dreams, and I've even touched myself before. However, I've never, in my entire life, fingered myself. Needless to say I'm happy to know that I do properly clean myself. That doesn't mean it wasn't nasty or that it didn't hurt. It did but at the same time there was a certain tingle to it. I like it more than I should. "I'm never doing that again." I whisper to myself and get into the shower to wash away the act.

I really hate how Axel has this sort of affect on me. One minute I feel so much pain the next I feel at peace and want him to well, you know. But it's not just the lusty feeling anymore, I know that now. I really do like him and I know I should stop and get over him but I can't help it. Especially not after knowing him instead of watching from afar. Xion, she's lucky that she gets to be date him. And at the same time I wish they would break up. But that's not being a good friend. I want them both to be happy even if it means I don't get to be. However, if they ever did break up in hope it is Xion that ends it and I hope it's because she doesn't feel the way she does now. If he ever cheats on her or does anything else to break my best friend's heart, I don't think I'd be able to bear it. If he does that it not only means he hurt her, it means he isn't right for me either.

I need to stop thinking so much, it's giving me a headache.

As soon as I'm clean, I step out for the shower and rush back to my room. My phone' light is flashing meaning somebody must have text me. Not really caring who it is, I wander over to my dresser and get myself dressed. After that I gather my laundry and start my damn chores. After wandering the whole house, I've notice that my parents aren't even home. "I guess they must be out shopping or something." A smile spreads across my face because that means they didn't hear me at all. I'm safe from humiliation for one evening.

Finishing with my chores, I go back to my room to see who messaged me. "Sora?"

Hey Rox, how'd the talk go? He didn't do anything did he?

Rolling my eyes I press the call button on my phone. It's better to speak it rather than having to write down all the answers Sora is probably going to ask. It rings about two times before Sora picks it up. "Hey, if you knew he wanted to talk to me, a little warning would have been nice you know. Thanks a lot, I thought you were supposed to be my cousin."

"I am your cousin and he asked me at the last minute. There was no way I could have warned you about anything. You should be glad I was able to your folks to think you came over here to study for a bit." Sora replies with a small groan. "I had to make myself sound like I was failing a class and only you could help me with the homework. You guys owe me. I demand to know what happened between the two of you, starting from when you were being weird."

"For starters, I kissed him."

"You did? Wow."

"When he took you all home he came back and we talked. He knows my feelings for him, so like the little shit I am I acted stupid. We talked again thanks to you oh great one. He properly rejected my feelings so in a way everything is okay. That's all that really happened." I really don't like explaining things. You were there, you know what happened. It's not a crime to wrap it up like that for Sora.

"Well, are you okay? Be honest with me Rox, I don't want you going all loner boy on me again." As usual Sora is being over protective of me. A smile tugs it's way onto my face. I really need to do something to repay him.

"Let's just say I'm going to end up digging my own grave. My feelings for him haven't changed but at the same time I don't want to come in between Xion and him. I'll be alright Sora. Being friends with him is more than I can ask for."

"You're such a girl sometimes." Sora laughs teasingly. "But I love ya. I guess I'll let you get back to doing whatever it was you were doing. Oh and Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"You can always talk to me even if it's about bug crawling on your bed."

"What am I, a child?" I chuckle and shake my head. "Bye Sora."

"See ya."

So there you have it. I am fine with it all. I think...I don't know. Everything feels like it's a big mess. I don't know what to do anymore. These thoughts are going to be the death me. I decide to get off my bed and go for a walk. I guess the only thing I can do now is go with the flow. And maybe go buy a new skirt or two. I wonder if Xion is busy. Should I tell her what's going on? Will she understand or will she….damn it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Yo, new chapter. This is actually a huge distract for me because...you know what it doesn't matter what's going in my life. What matters is what's going on in Roxas' life. I did my best to edit so please forgive any errors :(**

**Enjoy**

**I hope o.o you do**

* * *

Wandering around the filled mall, looking at random stores, or just getting food at the food court, it was always the same whenever I went out with Xion. The two of us haven't really hung out since I became friends with Axel. Heck, not even the three of us have been seen together outside of school. It's a nice change of pace, just the two of us doing what any normal teenager usually does, aimlessly walk around with practically no money to spend on anything besides food. I miss Xion from the bottom of my heart. Sure we see each other at school but like I said we haven't hung out in a long time. By how she is locking her arm with my own, it's safe to say she missed me too.

I digress, what matters now is we're together and Axel isn't the subject of our little venture. No, in fact we're talking about the sleep over and how it'll work out with more people. Will anyone bail and what snacks we should bring. Honestly the most likely to bail would be me but only because I'm afraid of what Namine has in store for me. Okay, not just Namine, all five of the girls! The last time we were all together, the girls trapped me and gave me a make over that had the guys dying of laughter. Pink frilly lace, the tightest mini skirt known to mankind, and a bone crushing pink glittered corset. They forced fishnet tights on me, painted my nails yellow, gave me orange eye shadow, green lipstick, and the reddest blush I have ever seen. They gave me purple eyeliner and fake silver eyelashes. I looked like a monster. I was lucky none of them had my foot size in heels.

The guys, I hated them for laughing and making fun of me. Asking me how much my rate was and if they could get a discount. The joke was on them. I may have hated it, I may have wanted to die from embarrassment, but I proudly strutted my self by smugly placing my hands on hips, turning my nose in the air, and walked as if I were on the runway. They laughed even more sure, but what they weren't expecting was for the girls to make them their new target. Pence ended up being the ugliest princess ever, Hayner was turned into horribly 'sexy' haha, ugly ass hippy, Riku was turned into a drag queen, and Sora, my poor, poor cousin ended dressed exactly like me. The difference were the colors. He had a rainbow look going for him and his skirt was a tutu. All in all, I fear the girls and their madness.

"Roxas why are you shaking? Are you cold?" Xion asks, snapping me out of my deadly trance.

"Oh, no sorry, I was just remembering what you girls did to us the last time we had a sleep over." I chuckle. Xion gives me a curious gaze, tilting her head at an angle. We move around a family who are ignoring their crying child, and walk into the chocolate shop. "Remember back in middle school when you girls forced us to dress in drag?"

Xion let out the cutest kind of giggle. It was between a snort and squeal. No not like a pig, because it was Xion and it was cute damn it….

"Oh I remember, but don't worry about it Roxas." She giggles again, covering her mouth with her hand. "We aren't going to be doing that again. We got something else planned."

"I don't like the way that sounds and I'm now thinking about not showing up at all." I tease her while I scan for my favorite kind of chocolate. It's sea salt chocolate and no its not like the ice cream at all; it's not even as salty so it's not nearly the same flavor. I'm the kind of person that would prefer ice cream to go with their fries than ketchup or ranch. Or a frosty, which ever because both are good.

"But Roxas you have to go, it won't be the same without you there." She whines, and grasps my hand with a puppy dog pout. She looks like a kid who just got told she wasn't allowed to have a toy or candy that she wants but doesn't necessarily need. Just to make me feel guilty, Xion starts to sniffle and make her eyes glossy with tears. It's adorable if not annoying since she's using it against me.

"Okay, okay, I'll go." I laugh and wrap my arms around in a light embrace.

Xion cackles and does the Mr. Burns thing with her hands. "Excellent." I laugh while giving her a what the hell stare. Xion grins, takes my arm and leads me out of the chocolate shop. "We don't need that right now anyway. Let's go look for some new pj's for you Roxas. Something cute yet still boyish. The prefect set just for you."

"Xion I don't need anything new. I'm perfectly fie just wearing shorts and a shirt." I say, letting myself be dragged off. Of course Xion doesn't listen to me. She looks so happy right now, how can I possibly tell her about my feelings? I know if I keep waiting it out it'll make everything that much more worse.

We aren't really doing that much right now. Xion is wandering around the shop we just entered, picking up different types of sleep wear while I lean on a wall so I'm not in the way of other costumers. Xion is so full of light and beauty , it's no wonder Axel likes her the way he does. If I didn't see her like a sister I would gladly date her myself. She's the best type of person and deserve to happy and if Axel can give that to her then who am I to ruin that for her?

Xion twirls around with the brightest smile I've ever seen on her. The store lighting doesn't do it justice. "Roxas come here, I found you something." She says, holding something against her chest.

I'll admit I used to be jealous of all my female friends. They were lovely and they still are. Namine has the grace of a fairy tale princess. Kairi is a tomboy to the core but when she gets down and dirty, she always looks just as glamorous even covered in sweat or caked in mud. Olette is the smartest girl I know. Just like Kairi, she is also tomboyish. She has this certain glow to her that can only be matched by her kindness. Larxene, haha, Larxene is all women. She's got beauty and isn't afraid to break a nail. Even when she gets pissed, she still looks amazing. An outsider would be to scared to see it but she is stunning. All of them, including Xion who is just as beautiful, are amazing girls. They are more than just their looks. They are unique and sweet people who care deeply for their friends . And then there's me…

Born completely male and yet feels like a female from time to time with no real explanation. It's just a strong feeling that can't be helped. As I said, I was jealous of them when I started to realize who I was. I couldn't dress cute like they could or wear make up or just be myself. I felt trapped when I didn't feel like a guy. It got to the point where I flipped out in class and ran off crying. However, once I was able to tell my friends who I was they helped me in more ways than one. And they still are today. On the other hand, as I walk over and watch Xion press another set of pajamas against herself, I can't help but feel that ping of jealousy again. But not just because she's lovely, but because I know Axel will never see me the way I want him to see me. I know he tires to or at least pretends to think of me as a girl when that side is out, although it's sweet, I know deep down all he sees is a confused teenaged boy.

And I think that's what all of you see too. I know a lot of people hate people like me. They think it's fake and it's only for attention but how can someone judge another when they really don't see or feel the way the other does…..I'm sorry about ranting again.

"Roxas, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Xion asks worriedly. The tip of her finger catches a tear rolling down my cheek.

_'I'm crying?'_ Reaching a hand up I touch my face and feel the tears rapidly running down my face. Funny how I didn't notice my own flesh getting wet or the burning in my own eyes. I must have been to lost in thought I suppose.

Xion uses the sleeve of her dark blue sweater to pat my face dry. She ignores the curious costumers and takes my hand, leading me out of the shop, the pj's forgotten.

Once we make it into the girls bathroom, Xion has me sit on the surprisingly clean counter. From there she gets a paper towel, soaks it, and dabs it under my eyes. The whole time I feel like a child who has lost their mom in the grocery store. I sniffle and reflexively wipe my eyes. Xion steps back and places her hand on my leg to try and comfort me. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Xion shakes her head and brushes my fringes outs of my face. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do." I almost whisper out as my pulse picks up.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Xion tilts my head gently so we are looking eye to watery eye. "No you don't Roxas. It's alright to cry you know. There's nothing wrong with it, it's what makes us human."

"You don't get it." I tremble out. This time I know why I'm crying. And this time Xion will too. "Xion, I did something and I'm so sorry." Xion looks unease as she squeezes my hand reassuringly. She beckons me to continue and that whatever it is I can tell her. She just doesn't realize how hard it is for me to do that. "Please don't hate me." I mewl out while squeezing her hand hard.

"Roxas, whatever you did I won't hate you.. It's okay I prom-"

"-I kissed Axel!"

Xion's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights. It's as if what I said has frozen her in time itself. I myself feel both relief and a great amount of terror shooting through my veins. I finally told her and now I'll I have to do is wait for it to sink in; wait for her to get mad and yell or smack me. Sure it's not as bad as me saying I slept with him, which didn't, nevertheless it's still a betrayal…

"Why? When, where, why?" She finally asks, hurt all over her face.

I'm a scumbag.

"In his car, before I went to the ER and be-because I…" I need to tell her. I gulp and ignore the drumming of my heart. If I can tell Axel then I can tell her. "I like him. I've liked him since before you started to date him. S-since Namine broke up with him. Xion I want you to know I didn't do it to hurt you. I wasn't even thinking clearly and he didn't kiss back. He…Axel practically loves you Xion. And I'm so sorry." The tears start pouring again and this time I can't hold back my sobbing. I've hurt her and betrayed her. I've also should have told Axel I was going to tell her because he is her boyfriend and he should have been the one to try to tell her too.

I can't see her expression, I don't even know how she is feeling. All I know is that I want to disappear for awhile. Though I know that's impossible at the moment.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Xion suddenly asks me, her tone unreadable. "Then again, I guess it's not fair of me to ask that when I never told you able my feeling back then either…"

"Xion?"

"Roxas I am upset but as long as you guys didn't do anymore then I forgive you. Thank you for telling me. Now I wonder why he didn't tell me."

I pull her into a tight hug, telling her over and over again how sorry I am. I to don't know why he didn't tell her. I should have asked him why. "I don't know either. Maybe it was for the same reason I didn't tell you at first. Maybe he's scared of how you'll react to it. I don't know." I sigh, keeping my hold on the girl.

"You both are stupid. But I guess if I did something like that I would be too. I still need to have a talk with him. Should I wait until after the sleep over or do it before?" Xion pulls back, asking sincerely. It makes me happy that she isn't that mad and still wants to keep me in her life. It makes me feel better that that's another thing off my chest. I feel free in a weird kinda way. Not to say I don't still feel like a shit head.

"It depends."

"On?"

"Well are you going to yell at him or just have a civilized conversation. Xion, only you can really decide what to do." She looks thoughtful for a moment before letting out a heavy breath. "Come on Roxas, let's go home. There's nothing here anyway and besides, I feel like playing some video games."

"Sure." I hop off the counter and loop my arm with Xion's. Together we leave the bathroom, ignore all the stares, and walk back the way we came from. The whole time Xion began to complain about how Larxene stole her box of cookies at school last week.

* * *

It's later in the evening and Xion has long since gone home. We played some video games but it was short lived. Xion broke down with thoughts about Axel cheating on her. I told her to stop thinking like that. I told her he would never cheat and the kiss was my fault not his. I told her what he told me, about his feelings for her. That calmed her down but in the end it made me want to cry. I didn't of course because I needed to be strong for her. That being said, Xion decided she needed to talk to Axel. She called him up and asked him to come and get her. By the time he came over Xion and I were sitting outside waiting for him. We hugged good bye as I walked her to his car. She got in and I gave Axel a pleading look, hoping that he could read my face which said, please don't be mad at me. I think he got the message since his brows furrowed and Xion's eyes began to swell with tears again.

Right now I'm finishing up my chores. My mom is in the living room with my Aunt, my real Aunt, and Uncle. My dad is out back cooking lord knows what on the grill. I'm praying it's not hotdogs, I don't think I can stomach those right now. Not after Sora messaged me about his, Kairi, and Riku's hotdog eating contest. He said Riku ended up vomiting up large chunks all over Kairi's shoes. That's got to be a pretty sight.

Not.

"Roxas call your dad inside, Aunt Elsa has something she needs to tell all of us!"

"Ugh." I groan and drag my feet. I just want to go to my room and hide from the world for awhile. Is that so bad? There probably is because as I go outside to get my dad I hear him laughing. Why the hell is he laughing? I know he's out here by himself unless Uncle Jack somehow got passed me in the kitchen to get out there. Oh! Maybe he's on the phone, that must be it.

Oh joy, I am wrong.

Just as I turn the small corner that leads to the grill, I hear a familiar chuckle. Trying to control my internal panic, I causally pretend not to see the tall redhead standing in my backyard, nor do I pay attention to the back gate being opened. "Dad."

"What is it Roxas?" He asks turning his back to a suddenly blank looking Axel.

"Mom wants us inside. She said Aunt Elsa has to tell us something. I have relayed the message, I'm going back inside." I say and turn my back. That was until my dad stopped me after I took one step away from them.

"Roxas stop being rude. You're boyfriend has been here waiting for you to finish your chores so you to can uh go out. Oh and next time a heads up would be nice you know." My dad says, turns the grill off and pats my shoulder as he passes by me.

"H-he's not my boyfriend!" My face feels hot from both embarrassment and anger. I don't understand why he feels the need to keep teasing me about that. I know he's playing around since he kept calling Xion my girlfriend but I can't help but get fed up with it. "My God will you get that through your skull!"

And now I know I'm fucked. I'm lucky Axel is out here, I'm lucky we have guests in the house. I can assure you he wouldn't beat me but he isn't below giving me the belt as if I were still a child. Honestly it's like I can see the vein pulsing on the back of his thick blond covered head. Instead of raising his voice, he faces me with a look that would scare the boogeyman himself. My dad points his finger toward the house and I obediently walk inside with my tail between my legs.

At least he might tell Axel he has to go home. That'll save me from whatever it was he wanted. I don't get why he couldn't just call or message me that he wanted to talk or something. That would be less painful for me right now. Sure I'm worried about it but I'm a little preoccupied thinking about how sore my ass will be later.

I take a seat next to my Uncle, who gives me a knowing look. It must be written all over my face that I'm in deep shit.

Let me introduce my Aunt and Uncle before my dad comes in and I can't focus on anything else. My Aunt Elsa is my mom's older sister. They look a lot alike only she has platinum blond hair. It's practically white like snow. My Uncle Jack has the same hair in color. If it wasn't for how deep his voice was, I would think he was my age. Or at least Axel's if not a little older. They both have pale as fuck skin and both love the snow. They also seem to like the color blue. The difference between then has got to be their eye color. Uncle Jack has blue eyes while…hm I think Aunt Elsa's eyes are blue or something….They aren't related, I swear to you they aren't.

"Hey big guy, it's been awhile." Uncle Jack says as if I were still eight.

"Y-Yeah. Uh I'm almost grown up now." I laugh uneasily while my mom and Aunt mingle with each other.

"In trouble with the big man huh?" He chuckles and pats my shoulder when I nod. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll forget about it by the time we leave tomorrow. I'll see it."

I smile at my Uncle, putting my faith in his hands. I say my thanks and immediately try to hide behind the man when my dad comes into the living room. He gives me a look that tells me I'm still in trouble before he sits by my mom. "Roxas I would have sent your friend home but he convinced me that whatever he needs to say is important. After this you are to hear him out, send him on his way and then go to your room."

Great, now Axel's waiting outside for me. Fantastic.

"Kristoff that's not very nice. Roxas, go tell your friend he is more than welcome to wait in your room." My mom says and is not questioning my dad only because her sister is here.

"Anna must you undermine me?"

"Oh hush, I'm sure whatever he did wasn't that bad. It's not like he locked you outside or broke something." My mom said, rolling her eyes at my dad whom huffs and crossed his arms over his chest. "Roxas is sorry, look at his face. Now go do as I said Roxas."

"Hurry back Roxas." My Aunt smiles at me while I get up and get the hell out of there.

I know I'm in even deeper shit than I ever was. I'll worry about it later, for now I have to go see Axel.

I walk outside and there he is leaning on the wall with his eyes cast up at the darkening sky. I clear my throat to get his attention. Our eyes make contact but I can't seem to read what may be on his mind. This would have scared me if we hadn't talked the other day. Still I can't help but wonder why he came here. Maybe he wants to talk about Xion and how I didn't give him a heads up. I really hope that's not the case. "My uh ahem, you can wait in room if you want to. It's better than waiting out here. I uh need to get back to my family."

"I'm good out here unless it takes longer than..you know what, I'll go inside." He says, following me back into the house. Axel gave me a half smile before going through the hall while I went back to the living room.

The news my Aunt wanted to tell us wasn't that big. At least for me anyway. All this excitement over being pregnant. I don't understand what the big deal was but it got my mom jumping like a bunny on crack. My dad seemed happy for them too. I guess I'm the only one that doesn't care right now. While they all go to the kitchen to celebrate, I head straight for my room. Maybe I'm just tired of all the recent drama in my life. Here's hoping that Axel isn't here to add more to it. I think I'd jump out my window run for the hills for about a week or so.

Pffff yeah, like I could survive a week out in the wild by myself.

Anyway, I walked into my room and found Axel laying on my bed. Wandering over to him, I lay beside him despite everything that has happened between us. Silence has turned into our best friend. The both of us seemed to just lay there for hours on end. Thought it was more like five or ten minutes at most. It felt like the first moment of peace in a long time. Shame I had to open my mouth and ruin it. "Why are you here?" I asked curiously.

Axel kept his eyes closed as he spoke. "Xion told me what you said to her. I'm not here to start anything but I do wish you would've given me a warning. There's no point now anyway." I apologize but he shushes me up within seconds. "She wants a break and I personally think she's over reacting to it. I even told her that. She actually agreed with me but ya know, it didn't stop her from making that choice. Why do girls have to be so complicated? With Kairi it was just to make Sora jealous, Larxene was awesome yet bats shit crazy, and Namine, heh, she wanted to make you jealous. I suppose it had the opposite effect. Xion was the first real thing I had since Larxene, since Aqua even. This all blows Roxas. Maybe I'm just not meant to date anyone. Or maybe I should just take break from it all. Focus on other things like school or some shit. Whatever, dating is over rated anyway."

Okay, so I'm confused about Namine and I really, really, really want to rant about it, however, Axel sounds like he wants to cry. He sounds hurt but won't let himself show it. "This is all my fault. If I had never told her, no if I had never kissed you in the first place you would be with Xion right now. She wouldn't have cried and you guys would both be happy. I'm sorry Axel."

"Roxas, do me a favor and shut the hell up. I'm not blaming you and neither is she. Isn't it obvious? Xion is the jealous type. It doesn't matter who it was, this would have ended as the outcome not matter what. I'm betting if she saw me with another girl, not even doing anything but harmless talking, she would flip her shit. Nobody's prefect alright? So stop feeling like a shit head all the time because it's really annoying as all fuck." Axel groaned, rubbed the bridge of his nose and rolled over so his back was facing me.

Am I really that bad? Am I really getting annoying? Ah now is not the time for this.

Putting those thoughts aside, I can't help but poke at Axel's back. I need answers of my own, if only to get him to keep talking to me. Yes it is selfish but I'm still confused on the whole Namine thing. "Axel, I'm sorry about everything. And before you tell me to shut up again I need you to know I don't mean it as in it's my fault, I mean as in, this really does suck donkey ass. I had no idea, I don't think any of us did besides, well, the girls themselves. Namine, that's a shocker because it did work. I really hated you when you guys went out. I was jealous because I liked her and wanted your head displayed on a spike on the yawn." I chuckled awkwardly, scratching at my right cheek.

Axel rolled back over, a brow raised in question. "Who knew you were capable of such dark thoughts. I guess I shouldn't piss you off if I don't want my head on a platter." We both laughed at his stupid joke. Whatever heavy aura that was surrounding us was slowly but surely lighting up. Axel sat up and stretched his arms up like cat. He sighed and began to randomly play with my hair. I'm not putting much thought into it other than he must be bored, yet I will admit it feels nice. "So you liked her and she liked you. Neither one of you made a move so now you're both still single like a couple of idiots. She still likes you know, why not ask her out?"

It's true that I could ask her now that I know the truth and while that makes me happy I don't know if I feel the same as did. Would it be okay to go out with her while I still feel so strongly about Axel? If I truly think about it and reverse myself with Namine then I would have to say no. I don't want her to wait on me, I would rather have Namine move on…like Axel is trying with me right now.

Son of a Bitch.

"As much as that sounds nice I don't think I can see myself with her at this point. I mean, it doesn't seem right, right now anyway. She's sweet and would be the ideal girlfriend but I know without a doubt that I'm not the one she should be with." Closing my eyes I leaned into Axel's gentle touch. God, why does getting your head petted feel so good? It's no wonder cats and dogs love it.

"Well what about her opinion? What if she's willing to make that risk?" Axel questioned me, his nails adding just the right pressure to my scalp. I swear I'm going to fall asleep if he keeps this up.

I feel the bed move and I can only guess that Axel shifted to make himself more comfortable. His hand paused and I almost let out a pathetic whimper from the loss in movement. "Then if that's what she wants you know. If she ever wanted to talk about it then we can. Only I'm not going to be the one that brings it up. If I tell her I know then who knows what could happen. I would rather she tell me her feelings herself. Trust me, it's better for the words to come from her than somebody else." I honestly answer, pondering if he understood what I meant when I said that.

Axel doesn't say anything after that. His hand goes back to massaging my head. I bask in the feeling of it. His gentle touch is not only making sleepy it's helping me forget the days events. It must have been more than five minutes when Axel starts to talk again. "Roxas, are you falling asleep on me?" He chuckles, his fingers tangling themselves in my hair. I merely hum in answer, rolling onto my side. My face met with something firm and solid. I don't dare open my eyes for fear of my face turning redder than a baboon's ass. Axel laughs again, his breath hitting my forehead.

Dear God how close are we?

"I should probably get going." Axel whispers. Now it could be my imagination but it feels like his breath has gotten closer. It sounds like he has anyway.

"Don't go." I whine and latch my hand onto his shirt. "Stay with me." The words run free without my say so and yet I am not all that bothered by it. I want him to stay with me until I am in a deep sleep. And even then I want to wake up in his arms. I know it's wishful thinking and so far impossible, then again can you blame me for wanting that?

Axel removes his hand from my head only to surprise me by wrapping his arm around my waist. His other hand tucks my head under his chin while his legs entangle with my own. I nuzzle his neck, exhaustion taking over my entire body. He feels nice and smells so good, I let it fill my senses. I'm on the verge of sleep as he pulls me a little closer. "I'll stay for as long as you want tonight." Axel whispers, his voice almost cracking. I want to ask if he's okay. There is a damp feeling at the top of my head. Damn myself for…falling….asleep…in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello, so it's another update. And I'm happy to say this one is beta'd by the awesome Manami** **Nightray. Thank you so much for this and for the opinion at the end ;) you know what I mean.**

**Please enjoy and let me know what you think.**

* * *

Midnight, what a wonderful time to be awake. I mean what I said. It's not too early and it's not too late. It means you get a little more time to sleep. No worries about having to wake up in an hour or two. You can either stay awake for a bit or shut your eyes again and cling to the man who still has his arms wrapped around you. Unless your bladder starts to demand you go to the bathroom. I groan, remove Axel's arm and the mysterious quilt, sit up and walk to the bathroom to relieve myself. The light from the bathroom irritated my eyes as they try to adjust to the change. I wince and stare at my feet when I walk to the toilet to do my business. I go, flush, and wash my hands while I glare at myself in the mirror. My hair is messier than usual, almost a little damp. What on earth could have done that? Maybe it's Axel's sweat…gross.

Now that I have that out of the way I tiptoe back to my room so I don't wake anyone else. I quietly shut my door and tilt my head curiously as I stared at the quilt coving Axel. Now I noticed it when I woke up but I haven't a clue as to where it came from. All the cool, dark, fluffy thing is telling me is that someone saw us cuddling. '_Please to all that is good, don't let that person be my dad.'_ I think rolling my eyes at the thought of him giving me shit for it later.

"Roxas?" Axel groggily asks, his head moving around from his spot. He slowly sits up and spots my shadow by the bed. "What time is it?"

"Midnight the last time I checked." I climb back into bed, being sure to tuck my legs under the blanket. Funny how you can be warm one minute and the next you're freezing your toes off. "You can stay if you want. I mean you're already here and it's late you know. You sound tired too and I wouldn't want you getting in a crash."

Axel covers my lips with the palm of his hand. He chuckles, pulls me into his oh so strong arms, and lays us back down. My head rests on his chest and his hand runs through my hair again. I can't help but feel like I've suddenly been demoted into a cat or something. I kind of want to protest but the sound of his heart beat and the petting is getting to me. I shut my eyes and wrap my arm around his torso. I'm aware he is using me as a comfort to ease the pain he feels. I'm okay with it, though if he tries to take it further than this I'm going to freak out and most likely kick his ass. Or I'll let him do what he wants with me and enjoy every bit of it because of all the lust and longing I feel toward him. Mmm, Axel.

"Roxas, if you tell anyone I cried I'll kill you. And thanks for not saying anything about it now. And for…letting me be selfish. I want you to know that if I didn't see you as both a guy and girl then there is no way I would be holding you right now." Axel teases, his voice cracking the whole time. His heart has picked up the pace and so has his breathing. I can't stand knowing he feels like this. I need to do something even if it makes me unhappy.

"Axel you're really an ass you know that?"

"I know Roxas. I'll make it up to you. Let's have a guys night out. Just the two of us. I'm sure my folks would love to have you over again too. What do you say?" Axel laughs, and moves his hand down to my waist.

I can't take this torture anymore. I detangle myself from Axel's grasp and lay beside him. He makes no move to hold me again. Instead he lays his head on his arms and sniffles. We stare up at the ceiling and again silence takes over for us. I want to hang out with him, it's been so long since we have. I can't, not with him like this. I tell him my thoughts and of course he asks why not. I tell him that we have school so he says duh and that it's called guy's night for a reason. He doesn't get what I mean at all. It's almost frustrating. "Axel this weekend is the sleep over. We can hang out then with everyone else."

"So this is going to sound childish but-"

"If you tell me you're not going I'll rip your tongue out."

"You really are evil you know that Roxas? Fine, I will go if only for our friends."

"Promise?"

Axel chuckles and muses my hair. His hand a little rougher than when he was petting me. I swat at his hand, laughing with him. "Yes my dear princess, I promise."

"Ass." We laugh some more, loud enough for my dad to yell for us to go to sleep. Honestly I don't think I've seen Axel freeze as fast as he did. The both of us being startled is laughable. In fact we end up quietly snickering, hands desperately trying to muffle our giggles.

"Let's try to sleep again." He chuckles and rolls over so his back is facing me.

I yawn and roll over as well. "Yeah. Good night Axel."

"Good night Roxas."

As we both slowly get back to sleep, I think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. I know one thing is for sure, I need to talk to Xion.

* * *

It's the day of the sleep over and everyone but Axel has shown up. I knew it was too good to be true. Still, it's better that he isn't here right now. It gives me the chance to talk to Xion about why she did what she did. Now I would have talked to her yesterday at school but she didn't show up and didn't answer any of my calls or texts. I need to ask, not for Axel, but for myself.

"Xion, can I talk to you?" I ask, interrupting her conversation with Namine. Xion gives me an uneasy smile and removes herself from the couch. We wander away from our group of friends and go into Namine's room.

I'd explain what the room looked like but there are more important things at hand.

As I shut the door behind us, Xion curls up in a ball on Namine's bed. It's like she knows what's on my mind and it's obvious she doesn't want to talk about it. With a sigh, I sit on the bed next to her, allowing her to lay her head on my shoulder while I wrap an arm around hers. We sit in silence for about a minute or so before I get the courage to ask, "What happened? Xion, why did you…why did you break up with him?" Let it be known I didn't sound confident. I sounded like a nervous puppy who was about to piddle on the rug.

The sound of sniffling came from Xion. She's hurting, I know she is. All the more reason she needs to tell me why. I can't stand to see her like this. She's crying over it and Axel has cried too. He didn't even join us for lunch the other day for heaven's sake. "Xion, he came over after words and told me about it. He sounded like a wounded animal. He cried over you Xion. He-he loves you." I choke out the last part as it was ripping apart my own heart. "He really does love you."

"No he doesn't. And if he does then it's a platonic love. I've seen the way he looks at you Roxas. He likes you not me. When I told him that I knew about the kiss, he acted as if it wasn't a big deal. And I know you said he didn't kiss you back and all...but Roxas I know he likes you. He either doesn't realize it or he doesn't want to accept it." Xion whimpers out, her tears pouring out of her as she covers her face.

As much as I'd love to believe her, I know she is only saying that out of hurt. "He loves you, Xion. You didn't see how hurt he was. You're over reacting to something he didn't even have a fault in. You should hate me right now, yell at me, hit me, something. So why is it you had to hurt the both of you?"

Xion sniffles, and tries to wipe the tears out of her eyes. She hasn't looked at me once throughout our conversation. Her eyes are practically glued to plush carpet at my feet. Xion plants her out feet down, uncurling from her ball. She finally turns her head and gazes up at my own red, wet and puffy eyes. She gasps and tentatively wipe a stray tear away from me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just please, Xion, tell me why. That's all I'm asking for. Please?"

Xion takes a deep breath to try and steady herself. "Because I wanted you to have a chance with him."

"You're so stupid." I say, my voice darker than I would have liked.

"What?" She asks, looking shocked and puzzled.

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. Opening them, I stare directly into her blue orbs. Pain pulses throughout my body like lightening striking down a tree. "I said you're fucking stupid Xion." I say, rage filling my words. Xion jumps, startled from my tone, but I don't give her the chance to speak.

"You're so stupid. Give me a chance? Xion for God's sake, he loves you not me. Why ruin something good over me? I don't have a chance with him and it's not fair to him to just do this. You can't tell me you don't regret it. You can't tell me you don't feel the same way he does." I say, calming down, my voice going quiet. "You need to fix this and not worry about me. I'll be alright Xion, I promise."

Xion sniffles and buries her face against my chest. Her arms wrap around me in a tight embrace. I hold her back and rubbed her quivering back. You have no idea how much this hurts me but it's for the best. I've longed for them to end things but not like this. And now seen how it affected the both of them, I never want to see it again. Even if it means I'll never get to be with the man I…

Xion pulls back and wipes her eyes one last time. We smile at each other and get off the bed. Xion tucks a piece of her soft black hair behind her ear and pats down her clothes as if to get rid of any wrinkles. She looks at me and says, "Thank you Roxas. You're the bestest friend I could ever ask for. I'll talk to him when he comes over. He is coming over isn't he?"

I chuckle and ruffle her hair, ignoring her pout. "He better or I'll personally kick his ass for breaking his promise. We should go join the others now."

I take a step forward only to be stopped by Xion's small hand on my arm. "Roxas, I'll talk to him but I want you to answer something first."

"Sure, what's up?" I ask curiously.

"I want you to look me in the eye and tell me how you feel about Axel. I want an honest answer from you. You told me you've liked him for a long time, even longer than I have. So I want to know."

I'm taken aback. I feel like we're going in a circle with all of this. "Xion it doesn't matter how long I've liked him. And it's just that, I like him nothing else. You actually love him so it doesn't matter."

"Look me in the eye and say that. You looked away when you said you liked him." Xion holds my face between her hands and I repeat that I only like him. She glares and pulls my face closer to hers. My heart is beating a million miles a minute. "Stop glancing away Roxas."

I hate how she sounds like a wounded puppy. I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them, I stare right into her own. Tears begin to leak again, rapidly landing on her hands. I can't do this. It hurts too much for me to admit it when I know there's no point. "Please Xion, don't make me say it."

Xion releases my face and hugs me, apologizing to me for over a minute. "Can we go back to the others now?" I ask, feeling exhausted. At Xion's nod I walk towards the door and pause to look back to see her just standing there.

"I want to fix my face. I'll join you guys after."

"Albright." I say, forcing a smile and leave the room. As soon as I shut it I jump back, startled to see Sora on his on his back with a guilty smile. I raise a brow at him and he laughs nervously. Realization dawns on me as I groan and throw my arms in the air. "You were listening?" He nods and I groan again. "What the hell Sorahhh."

My cousin jumps me, pulling me into his arms tighter than Xion had done earlier. "I'm so sorry Roxas." He mutters and I can't help but break down. I cry silently into his arms before he drags me off into the bathroom where I tell him everything between real sobs. He holds me, letting me get it out of my system. Sora then has me wash my face in the sink before we go back to join everyone. I'm grateful he didn't say anything. I'm grateful he let me be while still being there for me. I'm grateful he texted Kairi to make sure Xion wasn't anywhere near the bathroom so I could let it out without her feeling bad about it. He's one the greatest friends and cousin to have.

We go back to hang out with everyone else and it's normal. No drama or anything like that. We play a movie while Namine's mom orders pizza. There's talk and even Marluxia forced into drag because he wasn't at our last sleep over. It's creepy how someone who looks so manly can look so good as a women.

"That's right, laugh it up. You know I look good." He says, crossing his arms and legs.

We all keep laughing at him. He's wearing white heels, and a tight black cut off dress with a long slit at his left and right leg. It goes with his pink hair but his makeup makes him look like a monster from the eighties. It's heavy and full of so many colors that I can't even name them all. I must have been laughing pretty hard because I didn't notice Namine leaving and coming back with a redhead on her tail.

"Holy shit!" Axel exclaims, starts laughing and pointing at Marluxia. "Oh shit, you look like Freddy and a flower's lover child." At that comment more laughs erupted.

"You just hate me because I'm pretty." Marluxia grumped, with a smirk. His eyes twinkling as he looked at Axel.

Axel raised a brow at him and then looked at the girls whom were starting to walk up to him. Well, except for Xion that is. "Oh hell no, you stay away from me or I'll leave right now."

Let's just say his threat didn't work. Riku, Sora, and Hayner saw to that. They jumped him and held him down while the girls got to work making him into another creature from dark. His hair was forced into uneven pigtails while he was dressed into a rainbowed bikini top. His lower half wore a tight leather mini skirt while his legs were waxed and forced into purple fishnets. His makeup was heavy and made to match his bikini top. If anything he looked worse than Marluxia. It could be because Axel has been our friend longer and we're just getting to know Larxene's boyfriend. I guess they don't want to scare the man away from her while showing Axel no pitty.

"I hate you bastards." Axel grumbles, sitting next to Marluxia. He looks super pissed but everyone other than me and Xion take notice. Our gang of friends are laughing and yes I was laugh a for a while too.

"Welcome to our circle of evil friends." Riku chuckled and snapped a picture of the two.

"We went through the same thing." Pence added, getting up to show our two princesses what he meant, earning renewed laughter from the sour pusses.

"Well now that you've had your fun, I think I'm going to go change." Marluxia stated as he uneasily stood up on wobbly legs. Larxene got up and helped her boyfriend walk to the bathroom. He didn't look like he'd make it on his own.

Axel stood up and began to strip right in the open. My face began to heat up the moment his bikini top was flung at Hayner. I look away, trying to urge the feeling away. He has no shame what so ever. I can only imagine how this is making Xion feel. "Come on Axel not in front of the children." I joke, trying to take away the growing tension between the three of us.

Riku chuckles and covers Sora's eyes. My cousin laughs and proceeds to act like a seven year old. "Ah, my eyes, my poor innocent eyes. Papa Pence, Mama Olette make him stop~."

"Oh my poor baby. Have you no shame you mean man?" Olette chides, rushing to Sora's aid. Pence joins her and turns Sora's face away protectively.

"Axel, please go use Namine's room to change. Baby Xion and Namine are too pure for this." Kairi giggles, pulling the girls to her bosom.

Riku takes that moment to get up and saunter over to me and Hayner. He wraps an arm around him and forces Hayner to look at the ground. "Mama Roxas, I think it's time for baby Hayner's nap."

I cackle and help Riku force our friend down. Hayner starts to curse at us while flinging his arms about. "Get the hell off me you fucktards."

"Alright, alright, I'll go change in private for the sake of the three darling children." Axel chuckles, picks his clothes up and wanders down the hall with directions provided by Kairi.

"Get the hell off of me now!" Hayner growls and thrashes around. I sigh and let him go. He flings up, glaring at me and Riku. "If any of us is the baby it's Roxas."

"So does that mean you're mama Hayner?" I ask with a pout.

"That's right I'm Mama….fuck you Rox."

Once again the laughter has claimed over us. I just hope it lasts this time.

* * *

It was awkward to say the least. After the guys came back, Axel sat next to me while Xion timidly glanced at him. Whenever I looked at her, her eyes were saying 'I told you so.' My response was, 'talk to him.' Of course she didn't and even stopped looking at us. Instead she decided to have girl time with, well, the girls. I don't know why but I really don't like the way they kept giggling.

"They're up to something." Sora, commented.

"Whatever it is, I don't want any part of it." Hayner yawned and lay back on the floor.

Riku rolled his eyes and leaned against the back of the couch. "You know there's no way to get out of whatever they have planned."

"I think I know what it." At Pence words we all gave him our undivided attention. "I overheard Olette and Kairi talking about in class the other day. I think they want to play seven minutes in heaven."

I wrinkled my nose while everyone else groaned at the idea. '_What are they thinking?'_

"That's such a childish game. I'm not playing a baby game." Hayner announced loud enough for the girls to hear.

Kairi snorted, crossed her arms, and deadpanned. "We all know you are, so stop bitching about it."

Another round of groans and complaints later found us sitting in a circle with a hat in the center. Small pieces of paper were folded with our names written on them. It was Kairi's idea to change the game up a bit. That and we couldn't use a bottle on account of we didn't have one. Namine didn't want to use any full or empty cans. Something about her mom and stains. Being someone who cleans every day, I can understand her concern. I mean, do you have any idea how annoying it is to get soda or juice out of a rug? And I don't mean just the color, but the smell and stickiness of it all…I'm rambling again aren't I?

Sorry, I promise I'll learn how to control that.

Xion takes a coin out and flips it to see if we'll be picking by age or gender while Namine flips another for alphabetical order or height. Xion got age and Namine got the alphabet. Kairi takes one of the coins and flips it in the air. Heads, age, tails alphabetical. This will determine how we go about picking the names from the hat. It's stupid I know but to Olette it's fair. Larxene suggested we just all go at once while Pence argued it was too messy and chaotic. I personal don't want to play this stupid game. It doesn't matter who I get, it won't be heaven for me. Then again, it may be funny to see who gets paired up and who over reacts in a jealous rage.

"Tails." Olette announces, peering over Kairi's shoulder when she caught it.

"Alright, so first or last name?" Sora asks with his mouth full of pizza.

"Let's just do first, but from Z to A. Xion, you're up." Larxene stated, pushing the girl toward the hat.

Xion visible gulps, hesitantly reaching into the hat. She picks her paper and her eyes land on me before she opens and reads the name. "Riku." She sighs in what sounds like relief and exhaustion. "I got Riku so that means you don't have to pick."

"Don't worry Axel; I'll go easier on her." Riku jokes, sending a wink to the annoyed looking redhead.

"I better not see a scratch." Axel replies, mocking a glare. At least he is able to play along. Nobody besides the three of us, plus Sora now, knows about the elephant in the room. They must be determined to keep it that way. Lord knows how the girls will react to it.

"Okay, Sora's turn." Marluxia yawns.

Sora laughs and quickly draws a name. With a bright smile he winks at Kairi and shows everyone her name. "Kairi." My cousin blushes, suddenly aware of everyone snicker at him. "Shut up Riku." He says, glaring at the silver haired teen.

"I didn't say anything." Riku chuckles, hiding a smirk behind his hand. "Keep it clean."

"Riku it's not funny." Kairi blushes and throws a pillow at him.

"Relax, I'm only joking." Riku holds his hands up in surrender while everyone else laughs and throws cat calls.

"Let's move on." Pence suggests.

"Roxas, it's your turn." Namine pokes my shoulder, smiling at me sweetly. Way to make a guy feel bad about his feelings. I bet she's hoping that I draw her name. If I do then I'm not going to do anything that will lead her on. I can't do that her.

With the grace of a Bob cat, I lean forward and quickly draw a name faster than a snake's attack. I unfold the paper and stop breathing as my eyes enlarge. "Axel." I say without thinking at all. His name just slips off my tongue. I look up at him and he has this teasing smirk on his face.

"Don't worry Roxas, I won't bite. Much." He chuckles and I can feel my cheeks burning.

I glance away and catch Sora's worried gaze, Xion's nervous stare and Namine's disappointment. My heart is hammering in my head again. Louder this time and it's like time has stopped. I drew Axel's name and he cracks a joke. He knows about my feelings and he knows Xion does too. Why would he say that, especially in front of her. Could he be trying to make her jealous or is he trying to hurt her? Whatever the case, I can't stay stunned for their sake and my own. "Pff, like I'd even let you get the chance." I say rolling my eyes.

Xion smiles at me and I know I have said the right thing to ease her fears.

We skip over Riku, and go straight to Pence. He got me but because I'm already out he had to draw again. "Namine." The two share a small smile before Olette picks and gets Hayner. More cat calls and threats about ripping our balls off are ensured. Lastly, Marluxia and Larxene. Nobody dares to mock them. The only thing that was said was that they weren't allowed in a bedroom closest or any door with a lock on it.

"Oh yeah, because we can keep our hands to ourselves." Larxene says sarcastically.

"Fine, fine, to make it fair nobody can lock any doors." Xion says, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever." Larxene snaps and drags Marluxia away.

"I'll set the time, everyone to your stations." Riku said, got up and went to borrow the kitchen timer.

"Xion?"

"It's alright Roxas. I trust you and if what you told me is true then I have nothing to worry about." She says and wanders into the kitchen to wait for Riku.

I let out a heavy breath and wander down the hall to Namine's parent's room. Axel has his back to me as he looks around the room. I clear my throat to get his attention. Axel turns, and chuckles while I shut the door behind myself and walk toward the closet. Instead of going inside I settle for sitting on the ground with the door behind me. Axel raises a brow at me but joins me nonetheless, settling on my left. "You actually showed up." I say, pausing when I hear Riku shout that he started the timer.

"Was there any doubt? I keep my promises Roxas. Boy am I tired though. I was helping my mom with the dinner. One of her servers got sick. Hey, do you mind if I use our seven minutes to lay down and rest my eyes?" He says, yawning heavily.

I shrug and point towards the bed. "Go for it. Might as well do something with the time." Axel followed my finger only to shrug and lay his head on my lap. "What are you doing?" I say, blushing like a mad man on crack.

Axel shut his eyes and folded his hand over his strong stomach. I can't help but picture his perfect abs under that tight black shirt of his. "I rather just lay here, don't wanna mess up the sheets ya know? Or get my smell on them."

"Smell?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I stink or at least smell like the kitchen. Didn't shower before I came over. Well, I did this morning but you know." He explains, taking a relaxing breath.

"Axel?"

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?" I ask quietly, not wanting to disturb his rest. He looks so peaceful yet I can't help but worry about him. Letting my temptation get the best of me, I run my fingers through his surprising soft red hair.

He leans his head into my touch, my cheeks suddenly become warmer at the little action. He doesn't bother answering and I'm okay with that. A few minutes pass, maybe three. Through that time I'll I've done is run my hand through his hair while he lays there. I'm greatly enjoying the moment. It feels as if this is something we could keep doing if we were together. It makes my heart flutter just thinking about being with him in such a way. I don't mean sex either. What I mean is being beside each other without the barrier known as friendship. I want it more than anything and it's not fair that I can't have it. It's not fear, but I have this thing yelling at me telling me I need to stop because he won't feel the same. Because I don't want to see Xion or Axel in pain anymore even if it means I have to suffer.

My fingers stop and pull away. With my other hand I cover my mouth and bit my lip to suppress a cry. My eyes burn with so many pain filled tears that race down my hot cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut, trembling as I try to keep everything inside. I've already cried to Sora so why must I cry again? Maybe it's the full on realization of what I'm giving up on. It's not like I'm forcing myself to think about Xion's feelings. I can't help it because that's how much I care about her.

I can't do this anymore. I want to go home and hide so I can cry everything out without them knowing. I want them to think I'm fine when I'm breaking on the inside. I know it won't hurt forever but right now I don't really give damn.

"Roxas, why are you crying?" I hear Axel ask and gasp when I feel his finger catching tears. I snap my eyes open and notice through blurry eyes that a few of my tears landed on his face. His eyes are full of worry and concern for my wellbeing that it leads to a new field of water works.

"Please don't look at me like that." I whimper out, moving my hands to rub my eyes.

Axel frowns and gently cups my face. My heart speeds up with sharp, knife twisting pain. He slowly leans up, slightly siting at an angle but still lower than myself. His thumb gently rubs under my eye while I continue to cry but not as hard as I want to. Confusion is written all over my face while he examines it. I sniffle and hiccup, tears slowing down. "Please." I whisper, not entirely sure what I'm pleading for.

"Roxas." He whispers back before leaning up and locking our lips in a soft kiss.

I shut my eyes and let out a small whimper as his hand slides to the back of my head in a slightly tight grip. He pulls my face down toward his own, his lips willing my own to move with his. His other hand runs up my leg and rests on my hip. I feel my tears come to a slow stop. My hands lay flat on his chest while he fully sits up and tilts my head so the kiss doesn't break. I moan from the tingling sensation his lips are giving me. This feels so good that I don't bother to question what's going on.

Axel nips at my lower lip, his tongue licking the seam. I gasp and he dives his tongue in. It feels weird but at the same it's making my fingers curl into his shirt. I moan again at the feel of his tongue massaging and toying with my own. Tentatively, I flick my own back, moaning once more from his hand pushing my face closer to his own.

_**BRRRRING BRRRRRING BRRRING BRRRING**_

The sound of the timer blares throughout the house, bring me back to my senses. My eyes snap open and I gasp at the realization of what was happening. "No!" I yell and shove Axel away from me as hard as I could, ignoring how he accidentally pulled a few of my hairs. He lands on his back with a thud and is staring up at me, matching my shocked expressed; only mine is filled with guilt while his is full of confusion.

"Alright times up love bugs!" Riku calls, laughing like an idiot.

"Shut up Riku." Xion giggles even louder than Riku's shout.

"Xion…" I say under my breath.

What have I done?

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_**Review? Only if you want to. I just hope I did a good job nd sorry for the cliff hanger but it was going to happen no matter what I did. This story writes itself honestly. Thank you for reading~**_


	14. Chapter 14

**New chapter, yay I hope you guys like this one. Thank you _Manami Nightray_ for beta-ing this chapter too. I added and changed somethings when you sent it back to me lol this chapter, yesh, haha. Enjoy your beautiful readers.**

* * *

What have I done?

"Come on guys, put your clothes back on and come on out." Riku shouts down the hall, startling me once again.

I cover my lips, blushing hard, while my eyes widen. Axel gazed at the door for a few seconds before turning his sharp orbs back to me. I'm frozen to the floor, too terrified to move or say anything. Axel kissed me and I kissed him back. He kissed me….he freaken kissed me! I'd be filled with joy if I hadn't talked to Xion earlier. Just what the hell have I done?

Axel seems to be in his own state of dawning. He flicks his thumb over his wet lips and examines his thumb. His face suddenly turns red as his own eyes bug out. "Oh shit." He whispers, scrambling to get up. Once on his feet, Axel gazes away from me, his face still a bright shade of red. "I uh."

"Just go." I force out, squeezing my eyes, and curl up in a ball. My heart won't stop pounding and I can't figure out why. I'm not sure if it's guilt or shock from what he did. I feel renewed tears sweep over my face and begin to wonder why he did it. Was it because I was crying or did he do it because he does like me like Xion said? Or could it be because he is trying to use me as quick rebound to get over her?

You can guess what feel now. That sharp knife has come back full force and it's deeply embedded in my chest, twisting and thrusting itself until it feels like I can't breathe.

"Roxas, I'm not going anywhere." Axel sighs and heads for the door, pausing as his hand grasps the handle. "Okay I am but I'll be right back. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. I'll come up with something so nobody comes in here." He says, looking at me one last time with shame in his beautiful emerald eyes before he leaves the room.

I take that chance to detangle myself and wandering into the conjoined bathroom. I go to the sink and proceed to wash my face, praying that my face would stop burning. I stare in the mirror and I'm not surprised by how red my cheeks, nose, and eyes are. Or how puffy they are either. How could such a fun day quickly turn into my personal hell in a matter of hours. Who knows, maybe I'm cursed to be damned no matter what I do.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I walk back to the bedroom and head for the door. I'm not about to let my own feeling ruin everyone's day. I reach for the doorknob and jump back when it opens and reveals Axel. He looks startled as he sees my face. I stare up at him owlishly. Without words, I back up and sit on the bed while he shuts the door and leans on it with his arms crossed and eyes on me.

"What did you tell them?" I ask, casting my gaze to his feet.

"I told them that I needed to talk to you about something. It's true but I didn't say what."

"Then you might not want to do it here. Some people like to sit by the **DOOR AND LISTEN!"** I shout. The sound of giggles and footsteps could be heard running away from the door.

Axel chuckles and joins me on the bed. He slouches and plants his head in his hands, sighing in exhaustion.

"I talked to Xion today." I say, getting his attention. "She's supposed to talk to you and make up with you. I told her she was stupid for doing what she did and her reason was even dumber than that." I weakly laugh, and stare up at the ceiling. I tremble and feel more than nervous. It's so hard to get this out but I'll say anything to break the tension.

"You didn't have to you know." He replies. I can feel his eyes on me, watching and waiting for me to say something again.

Swallowing, I ignore his words and continue. "She said she broke up with you because of me. She's really stupid." I laugh again.

Oh joy, tears are running down my face….AGAIN! I wish I wasn't an emotional wreck, this is really starting to old and I bet I'm not the only one tired of it all.

Axel stays quiet so I take it he wants me to elaborate what I mean. With baited breath I continue my pathetic ramble. "She said-She said she wanted to give me a chance with you. Stupid right? She got this crazy idea that you actually have feelings for me and you either haven't realized it yet or don't want to accept them. Haha…I kept telling her it wasn't true. I told her you love her and it finally convinced her that-"

Axel's hand caresses my cheek, turns my face and cuts my words off with his warm lips enclosing over my own. As shocked as I am, I break the kiss and try to ask, "What?" only to get cut off with another kiss. I break away once more, "Axel, what are you?" He kisses me again. "Stop." And again, "Why are you-" and again.

This kiss has more feeling behind it. So soft and tender, I can't help myself this time. I kiss him back and allow him to slowly lay me on back. Yes, I am confused as to what is going on, but his lips are to tantalizing to ignore. As we continue to kiss, I curl my fingers around his shirt tightly. One of his hands runs along my arm while the other caresses my hip. His thumb dips under the hem of my shirt and rubs sensual circles above my pelvic bone, leaving heat on my flesh.

Our lips move with each other, practically in sync with one another. I lightly moan at the sensation of his hand sliding up my shirt and rubbed up and down my side, fingers dancing on my ribs. He nips at my lower lip and pokes his tongue inside when I gasp from the tingling heat running through out my body. The feeling of his tongue toying with my own sent shivers down my spine.

Our tongue dance in a battle for dominance. He won but let the fight last longer than it should have. Not that I mind it at all. I let him do what he wanted with my mouth. I moaned again, thrusting my hips against his. He chuckles and breaks our kiss, letting me pant for sweet oxygen while his lips trail down my chin and to my neck.

"She's not wrong." He whispers in between teasing kisses to my sensitive skin. "I guess it only took that night for me to realize my feelings."

I gasp and bite my lip to hold back the sound that wants to escape me. His teeth nip at the base of my neck and clavicle, leaving me to wither and hold back what could have been a very loud moan. He licks the spot and I suck in a sharp breath, turning my face away from him. The words he said make my heart soar yet at the same time I can't help but be stupid myself. He could be telling the truth although he could be saying it because he needs this and I'm nothing but a rebound for him. He could have so many other girls for this but he chose me.

"_Axel, ha ahh s-s-stop_." I pant out and shove him away from my neck.

We stare at each other, both panting from the lack of air. Even if I were a rebound, we can't do this here. Not with all our friends wondering where we are. Not in Namine's house, on her parent's bed. And definitely not with Xion thinking about getting back with him.

"Stop lying to me. I get it, I'm just your rebound and the only reason you think you have feelings for me is because you're not over Xion. Please Axel, go talk to her." I beg, trying to wiggle free from my spot under him.

Axel leans down and captures my lips again, a little desperately as I moan from the sensation. "You're just as stupid as she is. Roxas, you're not a rebound. But if you really want me too, I'll talk to her." He says and pecks my lips one last time.

I feel like I'm turning into putty the more he does that. If I didn't have a conscious there is no doubt in my mind that I'd just give into him. Damn you brain.

"You can't tell me you feel something for me after everything that's happen." I ask, grateful that he got off of me so I could sit up.

He rubs the bridge of his nose and runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know it doesn't look good from that stand point but I do like you. Look, you kissed that first time and I didn't know what to think. It felt right but I know it was wrong and shoved that away. I love Xion, I really do but you-you somehow kept worming your way in. We spent so much time together it began to scare the shit out of me. It goes against what my parents taught me and it's just not right. I've probably hurt you more times than I can count and I'm sorry for that."

"So you just expect me to accept this?" I ask, ignoring his uneasiness. "I can't and I won't believe you. Yeah, I would really like to be with you but not like this."

"So what? I get back with Xion and all three of us are unhappy?" He demands, stands up and clench his fist. "That's bull shit Roxas!"

**_KNOCK KNOCK_**

"Axel, Roxas, are you guys okay?" Xion asks from the other side of the door before she opens it. "Guys?"

"You're such an idiot!" I yell back despite knowing everyone would hear me. "Stop screwing with me. I've had enough of it."

"Me screw with you? You're the one fucking with my head! Stop being such a drama queen and grow up. Why are you being so stubborn? I told you how I felt and you just throw it out the damn window. What the hell do you want from me?!"

"I want you! But I don't want it to be out of pity or because you need somebody else. Why can't you just get back with Xion and stop fucking with my heart? I know you love her, you just told me again that you do and yet you do this to me. What I want is for you, Xion and myself to stop hurting…what I want is…I…Axel I…I love you." I say get up, and rush past both of my shocked friends.

Everyone was in the hall and heard what I just said. I don't know how much they heard but by the mix of pity, worry, and surprise I can guess they heard enough. Sora and Larxene follow after me. I hear others but those are the only two I really notice as I grab my bag and go outside. The door opens behind me and I see, my cousin, Larxene, Hayner, Pence, and Olette. All of them looking concern, but none more than Larxene because she is the only one out of us all that knows what it's like to love Axel and not have the feelings returned.

"I'm sorry for ruining the sleep over. And I'm sorry for causing a scene." I say and spy Namine and her parents looking from the window. Her mother is on the phone; obviously talking to my own about what she heard. That's just fantastic, I get to go home to them questioning me why Namine's mom outted me and why I didn't just tell them myself.

"Don't worry about it man. This was the excitement we needed." Hayner tried to joke. I smile at him for it.

"Roxas, let's all go to your place instead. It wouldn't be the same without you." Olette said, her eyes shining like a mother duck.

"I think the sleep over is canceled here anyway." Pence commented, as everyone else came outside with their stuff.

"Or we can do it at my place. Come on Roxas, I know you don't want to go home. So what do you say?" Sora suggests to which Larxene cackles.

"Come on blonde don't be a party pooper." She says, walks up to me and whispers, "Hang in there kid. You were there for and I'll be damned if I'm not there for you."

"Yeah." I say, smiling up at her. "Thank you." I whisper back, grateful for having her as a friend. Larxene smacks my back and goes back inside to do who knows what. Xion leaves the house right after and pushes passed everyone, marching toward me.

I shut my eyes and waited for a sharp slap across the face but instead I get pulled into a tight embrace. "Huh?" I question and get shushed by her. Xion pets the back of my head and mumbles how she is sorry.

"I'm sorry Roxas. Maybe it's better this way. I'm not mad and I'm not upset by what I heard. I'm worried about you just like I know you're worried about me. I mean I'm hurt but heh…let's just let things be for now. Bros before hoes even if that hoe is a bro themselves." Xion timidly giggles, pulling away from the hug.

"I'm sorry Xion."

She shakes her head and takes my hand. "Enough apologizes."

"Okay." I say still feeling like a piece of shit.

I look around and notice that everyone has their stuff and is heading toward different cars. Namine is still in her house, peeking out from the window, her parents now gone from sight. "What about Namine?" I ask, "It wouldn't be right to have a sleep over without her either."

"I doubt her parents will let her now." Xion says with a frown.

We both stare at her and motion for her to come outside. She shakes her head, smiles and gestures for us to go before she disappears behind the white curtain. I feel bad but it can't be helped now. A heavy sigh and a few steps later found me by Riku's back door. HIS CAR I MEAN….um…

As I open the door Axel storms out of the house and rushes to his car. His eyes are acidic as they flick over to where I stand. I gaze away; hear his car door slam and race down the street. I've probably not only ruined more than one possible relationship, but a friendship too.

* * *

About four months go by and let me tell you, school has been a bitch with all the pop quizzes, and preparation for finals in a few weeks. Not to mention all the holiday crap. While Sora and practically all my friends did the Christmas thing, my family did Hanukkah. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it its just; I'd really like to skip over December in general. Call me a Grinch but I really hate the holidays. Mostly because I'm always forced to clean extra hard and what not. I swear that when I live on my own, December will just be another month.

Okay, okay, the truth is, I was kind of hoping that I would get to spend them with Axel. He hasn't spoken to me or anyone since that day. My relationship with Xion was even strained a bit but by now it's back to where it used to be. She seems better and is even going on a date with Riku tonight. I guess they have gotten pretty close.

As for Namine, she's alright. We talked things over and after apologizing that I couldn't return her feelings she seems to be focusing all her time in her art. Which by the way looks amazing. She even won an award for one of her sketches. Oh, and it was a sketch of Seifer. I think she has a thing for my tormentor. Surprisingly, he hasn't been taking his "study frustration" out on me this semester. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he has another means.

Gross.

It's a nightmare and I can't wait for Spring Break to come and take me away from this hell whole known as school. Not to mention it will get me to away from the place I first saw Axel. The place I keep seen him. He's always around other people and he's always looking like he is having a great time. I heard he was dating again but I don't know the girl's name or if it's true.

Does it hurt knowing he probably has someone new? What the hell do you think? Of course it does. I've tried to get over him I really have but I can't. It's just so hard to get over someone you've had a crush on for the longest time and then get to spend time with that crush. To get to know them on a whole other level. To fall in freaken love them even. I feel like a fool for letting that chance with him get away from me. Though I suppose it proves something to me. He really didn't have any feelings for me….

Anyway, class is done and school is finally over. I grab my stuff and wander the halls. I make my way to the front of the school and freeze when I see Axel talking to a group of freshman. He laughs at something they say, shakes his head and annoyingly enough he catches me watching. I quickly look away and continue walking away from the school, wishing I had a ride home. Damn my friends having date night be on Friday. All of them suck but I am happy for them. Still, damn them.

Finally making it to the sidewalk, I make my way across the street, keeping my eyes on the ground. I really wish I could teleport home or anywhere for that matter. That'd be pretty cool to go anywhere within seconds, without having to be filthy rich. Why can't science hurry up with my teleporter so I can run off whenever I choose to. Maybe I should learn how to do magic for that. They seem to be closer at it anyhow.

I'm about a block or so away from school, my mind filled with random ideas about being a wizard or a smart ass scientist. Yes it's childish but it's better than walking home bored to death. Just as I get to the good part on said day dream, the sound of an engine purring behind me snaps me out of my trance. I walk a little faster thinking the guy needs to get into their drive way. The sound of the slow, steady speed of the vehicle following me has me walking even faster the further I go.

_'Holy shit, I'm going to get kidnapped!_' I think, my pulse racing. I gulp and turn into a random neighbor just to make sure I'm not going crazy. The sound of gravel and the engine confirm my suspicion. I'm being followed.

The worst thing I can do is show the guy that I'm scared. I am, but I can't let them know that. So I turn again and sure enough so does he. Feeling slightly annoyed, I turn around with baited breath, planning on facing the asshole head on.

As I stand there with a scowl on my face the car pulls up to the curve just a foot away from me. The rays of the sun block my view of the driver but he does me a kindness by opening his car door. Suddenly, I feel my fight or flight kick in. If I really think about it, this probably wasn't the best idea. What if the dude was huge and had a gun? What if they didn't?

"Wait a second, that's Axel's car." I say feeling foolish, angry and relived.

Axel steps out of the car and rubs the back of his head as I glare at him. "Sorry, didn't mean to spook you. I tried calling out your name but I guess you were either ignoring me or lost in your own little world." He chuckles as I blush, giving myself away. I bite my lower lip, spin on my heel, and proceed to walk away.

"Oh come on Roxas don't leave. I wanted to talk to you." He says, his voice getting closer.

I stop and turn back around, extremely ticked off. Okay that's not true, I like an annoyed cat and scared puppy put in one. Still, if he wanted to talk to me then "Why not just talk to me at school?"

Ah crap baskets, I think I said that aloud.

"I don't know. This wasn't planned or anything. I saw you and decided it was now or never." He sheepishly says, looking like he was a little bit nervous. "Can we please get in the car? I'll take you if you'd like."

Not wanting to cause a scene in a random neighborhood filled with garden gnomes, I comply and get into Axel's car. He thanks me and pulls out of his parking spot. I cross my arms and bring my legs up to my chest, watching the scenery go by. "Why now? Why not months ago or even a week ago? Why should I bother listening to what you have to say when you've ignored, not just me, but all of our friends."

"I was angry and I didn't want to be around everyone because they heard us."

"And if you wanted to talk to me then why not over winter break? You know where I live and you have my number. I don't understand it….if I didn't feel like you hated me then I would have tried to talk to you. But that's just it, I feel like you hate me and it scares me." I say, my voice going quiet.

"I don't hate you, it's the opposite of that." He sounds like he isn't joking around, instead Axel sounds like he's serious. I gaze at him and note that even his face is serious. At my quizzical expression, Axel elaborates for me. "I didn't lie when I told you I liked you. I did some more thinking since then and you were right about one thing. I was using you as a rebound."

Ouch.

My heart starts ripping itself apart. I knew I was a rebound and yet hearing him admit it hurts even more than it did then. It's a wonder if haven't died yet from all this pain. He must be lying to me about his feelings too. I say nothing and look out the window again, trying to will away my tears.

"I feel like shit for taking advantage of you like that. Not even a week after getting dumped and I go after you. I was a dick. You had every right to get upset with me. I see that now. You probably don't want anything more to do with me but, like I said earlier Roxas, I like you. That's all I wanted to tell you."

Axel pulls up to my house quicker than I would have liked. I don't know how to fully process this. "Why are you telling me this?" I ask, keeping my gaze on my hands.

Axel shuts off the car and gently cups my cheek. His hand is warm and his touch is full of…I don't even know, carrying? Our gazes meet and I can't feel my face flush from how hot it was getting. Something tells me to get out of the car and just go inside to get away from him. Another part is telling me to stay while my heart pounds loudly against its boney imprisonment. Why oh why does he have to make me feel this way? Why do I have to get butterflies whenever I'm near him? Why does it feel like I can't breathe when he touches me, even if it's just the slightest brush of fingers? Axel is more than just a simple crush. I'm captivated by his entire being. So why can't I bring myself to kiss him like I know I desperately want to.

"it's because I care about you. You were my first real friend after all. You didn't judge me and you'd call me out on my bull shit. Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you. Just the same, anyone is who lets you slip past them is an idiot. Please don't let me be that idiot." Axel weakly chuckles, smiling at me pathetically. His eyes pleading for me to believe everything he has told me.

I know what I want.

"You already are an idiot." He frowns in disappointment at my words. He looks so adorable like that that I can't help but lightly laugh.

"You don't have to mock me Roxas." He pulls his hand away from my face, slightly pouting like a child.

I giggle some more, shaking my head. "I'm not hahaha. Axel I'm not making fun of you. Listen, now I have something to say." Axel, being the confused goof ball that he is, raises an eyebrow. "Axel I'm not going to lie, I'm confused, hurt, and a little giddy. Look, I thought I could get over you since you stopped talking to us, to me."

"Did you?" He asks warily.

"No…I don't think I'll ever be able to get over you. I don't understand what it is about you but ever since we became friends my feelings for you kept growing. The more I got to know you the more I felt like it wasn't just a simple crush anymore." I blush, heavily, my courage running away like an adult when they see a rat. I swallow thickly and pressed forward until my lips connected with his, taking him by surprise.

I pull back just as quick, my face hotter than a thousand suns. "I love you, Axel. And I kind of…really want to…I was hoping that I could be your-"

Axel puts my rambling to stop, locking his lips with mine. He holds my face in place, the kiss soft, not at all rough. "Roxas, I know what you're trying to say."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"How can you like someone like me? I-if we did…Axel I'm not exactly er well not psychically but how I feel is different. One minute I'll feel like- mmph." He cuts me off with another kiss, this only having more depth to it. I sigh, relaxing into the sweet kiss.

Why does he have to make me go weak at the knees. It's a good thing I'm already sitting down. Ah, nothing like your legs turning to jelly just from being near the one you desire the most.

"Roxas, stop. I know what you're worried about. Trust me, I've thought about that too. And you know something; I don't have a problem with it. I like the idea of having a girlfriend and a boyfriend all in one package." Axel chuckles and gives me a chaste kiss. "That is, if you're willing to give me a chance."

He has no idea how happy he has made me. The butterflies in my gut, the throbbing of my heart, and tingling sensation running through out my body has me on the verge of tears. In fact, my eyes are burning with the water works right now. Axel looks worried but I quickly fix that by latching my arms around his neck, ignoring the strain my seat belt is giving my neck. "God yes." I whisper as he embraces me and connects our lips again. He has made me one of the happiest gu-gi-…the happiest person alive.

We press our foreheads together, smiling like idiots. My tears release and I can't help but tremble and cry against his chest. I'm so happy I can't even tell that nothing is wrong. This is unbelievable but here we are, holding each other. Nothing can ruin this moment. Not even if I were dragged out of the car and sent to Hades himself. This moment, I want to remember forever.

"Roxas, there's just one problem and I don't want you to think I'm trying to back out or anything." Axel uneasily says.

"Please don't tell me now. God Axel I'm so happy right now. Please, whatever bad news you have, can it wait?" I sniffle, burying my face against his warm neck.

"Roxas…alright it can wait." He chuckles and kisses the top of my head while I smile, pushing the knowing thoughts away from my mind. I know what the problem is; I just don't want to think about it. For now, I just want it to be the two of us and nothing else. That's all I'm asking for right now…


End file.
